THERE SHOULD BE A LAW ABOUT STRETCH PANTS

I went shopping at the third world this evening after the shower that followed the sweat filled romp in the yard pulling weedy-trees and sorting through our bulky items (bulky item pick up begins on Oct.18th,this is when the city will pick up all the big junk they won't normally pick up for free...we are swimming in bulky items that need to go to that bulky item heaven landfill in another county). Anyways...I was at the third world, cruising through the produce/deli area when I realized that 1: I had left the list in the truck, and 2: the 40 something woman with enough cottage cheese on her child bearing hips (at least 5 or more ninos) was locked onto my forward radar and-she was wearing stretch pants...really thin stretch pants that revealed not only panty lines, but the label of said tent I mean panties, was visible.
She seemed to be on every aisle I turned down with her gigantic panty line accentuated pitted buttocks assaulting my every sense. I was determined to avoid her and began doing donuts with my cart at each assualt and headed the other way. Where I encountered in no particular order:
A family of 6, walking shoulder to shoulder plus cart making it impossible to pass.
Two older women who decided to park their carts side by side in a traffic area and catch up on everything that's happened since they last saw each other in 1985.
Running, screaming children.
The walking sack of curds and whey I was trying to avoid. Despite the trauma, I verified the contents of the list with a quick call to Ann and made it out of that godforsaken place in one piece.

[Listening to: Alchoholiday - Teenage Fanclub - Bandwagonesque (5:26)]