MELTDOWN

The day before yesterday I was trying to enjoy my last 10 minutes between snooze alarm warnings, when Sullivans ear piercing like an ice pick in your head barking drove me from my bed in a rage.
A completely, absolutely balls to the wall psychotic break. I stormed into the livingroom...well, lumbered or stumbled might be a better descriptor, but the look on my face froze Sullivan in his tracks and silenced him.
Ann was trying to get him to go in his room, but he was unable to move under my murderous gaze. It was frightening. After I moved away and Sullivan was put up, I laced into Ann, demanding to know why she would allow him to bark unabated...I was goading her, trying to pick a fight. She didn't bite. I stormed off to the shower feeling like an ass.
We drove to work in silence, eyes locked firmly on the terrain ahead.There was a kiss goodbye and a mumbled "see ya later" from me.
What the fuck??? This is not me...this is not us. Sure, Sullivan's bark could have been used to great advantage at Abu Ghirab, but it's not so horrible to make me want to kill him, well...I won't go there.
I will embrace the truth.
I am mad at him for attacking Theo and fucking up Theo's face and ears.
I am overwhelmed by this seperation thing we got going on with the dogs and the hassle of rotating them so they can't interact.
Work has been an endless litany of the same old shit for over a week now and I'm sick of it...completely. I'm not learning anything beyond avoiding madly flying spring clips intent on bloodying my knuckles.
I am really and truly unhappy for the first time in a decade, lost with no direction, rudderless, angry.
So I spent the day reflecting...I thought alot about "bringing order out of chaos" and "crisis as opportunity", and a bunch of other cliche ridden feel good homilies from my days as a social worker ( I did manage to avoid the totally gay "what color is your parachute"? and equally goofy "who moved my cheese"?)
I settled on "you had a hang over, a result of your drinking to excess because your unhappy about your current station in life...get over it and ruck the fuck up buddy". And apologize to Ann as soon as you can.
I did...and you know what? Ann was cool with it, Sullivan was quieter this morning and I ran conduit and J-boxes on my own today...came up with a plan and ran with it, and it worked, better than I imagined.
It's looking alot better today, and I'm thinking about writing my own self help book called "Get over it and ruck the fuck up you pussy: how to deal when the deal is shitty".
It should be a hit, and about one page long.

[Listening to: Turquoise Days - Echo & the Bunnymen - Heaven Up Here (3:52)]