Thursday, January 10, 2008


Aggressive pan handlers (though creative,aggressive pan handlers) really piss me off.Where I park at the HEB grocery is based on 2 things:It's close to the entrance and it allows easy exit to get home.Unfortunately,it's close to the bus stop,which provides an endless stream of down on their luck types every 15 minutes.Some of these are not averse to hitting up patrons of the HEB for money as they load their groceries into their cars.
Here's a dialog I had the distinct displeasure of having the other day:
I'm loading my groceries into the back of the rodeo as this guy approaches me from the bus stop.
Guy:"Hello sir,how are you this afternoon"?
Me:No response,because anytime you hear that,you know it's hit up time.
Guy:"I was wondering if you had a dollar so I could catch the bus,for real,I just need bus fare,really."
Me:"I'm sorry,I don't have any cash".(I didn't,but that's beside the point,anytime you hear "for real" and "really"it is almost a certainty that the request involves drugs or alcohol.
Guy:"I have a large bottle of Tres Ami shampoo I will trade you for a dollar".(!?)
Me:"I told you I don't have any cash"
At which point he gives me an eat shit and die look and skulks off.
This was an on the way home from work stop,so I had not been drinking,which is sometimes the case when I go to this store,so I exercised great restraint in not twisting off on this asshole,had it been a saturday afternoon run for dinner I probably would have jumped up into his shit about this obvious gaffe in pan handling etiquette,never show your hand.
As I drove away he was at the bus stop sitting dejectedly by some skanky chick,who was no doubt ragging on him about his ability to come up with another 40.
Moving on...ears that stink.I have stretched ears...and wear eyelets.If you fall behind on the hygiene maintenance of said ears,they begin to smell.And while you think the smell is restricted to the area immediately around your head,you are wrong.In the elevator today and in the close quarters of the bathroom of a condo I heard the following:
Elevator:"Man,does somebody smell shit"?
Bathroom:"It smells like some un-douched pussy in here"!"What the fuck is that"?!
I knew it was my ears...I could smell them,getting whiffs off and on,but I remained silent.I mean,what do you say?"sorry's my ears,they smell like nasty pussy if I forget to wash them,know what I mean...heh-heh"?
So I stopped on the way home and bought some summers eve...just kidding.
They got an alcohol bath tonight.
Oh yes...there's more to come.

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