A DAY IN THE LIFE...AS TOLD BY THEO,THE INCREDIBLY OLD AND GRUMPY DOG.

Around 4 in the morning,I take up my position between mom and dads head on the pillows.Then,at 5:15,the alarms started going off and I got excited.I knew that soon my dad would get up and go to that scary room where the water shoots out of the wall and I could completely take over his spot on the bed, which is warm,where I would watch him get dressed and ready for work while he talked to me in that voice that makes babies crazy,but I will give him cursory mini wags of the tail,because after all,he is my dad and if he didn't go to work he couldn't buy my food and I would have to eat his turtles.HA! I mean woof!
Then,my mom gets up and goes to the scary room,and if she closes the door,I stand by it and bark once...a woof actually,because I can't be bothered to bark at everything anymore, every 3 seconds,because I have poor object relation formation and also,she is the only one who can let me outside,they call it "go potty" for some reason,but what I do is mark my territory...the same territory I've been marking for 10 plus years,nobody else marks it,but god damnit it's mine.Then I come back in,wait expectantly by the magic treat closet,get a treat and then demand fresh water.After creating a puddle of monumental proportions on the floor,I go back to the bedroom and realizing I can't jump up on the bed right by the bed anymore,I go out in the hall and make a running leap onto it where I settle down for a nap.
When the neighbors get active,moving things about on the car port and running machines and their mouths I bark at them.This happens several times a day.Then there's the barking at the post man and the meter readers.Then I nap some more.Dad gets home at 3:45 or so,and I come out and say hello and return to the bed,unless I didn't go out at lunch,when mom comes home to eat and somehow prompt him to open the door(stupid human)
and let me out.My sister,Irene and I have an understanding about the trash can,as well,which we survey daily,and if the lid is left off,I pull the tasty bits out (I'm taller) and she scatters them about and we chow down.The beauty of this is there is no way for mom and dad to identify the offender,so we are equally admonished and show some shame and it's all good,and...they clean up the mess!Score!All the way around.
Around 4:30 p.m. I come out of the bedroom and lay down by the front door awaiting moms return from something called a job.Irene does the same thing for dad,but I can't be bothered.
I spend my evening on my bed (pictured) by the magic heat device and demand food at the same time every night.(hey...I'm old and set in my ways)And I get pets,lots of pets,from mom and dad.Around 9 pm,I start making overtures to the bed every time they head in that direction.
And they usually cave in and it's snuggle time.
And they think they have me trained...HA!I mean woof!
I think I might teach Irene to type...I know she has stories to tell.