COMING UP FOR AIR

I have my friend I'm doing work for right now,and I have another high school friend that needs some help I talked to today.I'm beginning to think that there may be a market for another handy man in Austin and I might just latch onto this idea.It's crazy,it's uncertain,and it depends on me alone.
Ann says I should give myself more credit for the skills I have,but it's hard to beat down years of "you aren't worth a shit" messages.I know I'm good at what I do,I got my friends deck lights working again in a series of brilliant deductions and sleuthing.But I still have that 4 foot 11 inch shadow of my mother telling me I would never amount to anything.
It's been a difficult time for me these past months,addressing issues regarding my health and my extended family and my substance abuse.I haven't used any drugs for a long long time,but that alcohol has haunted me.It's funny,my Dad was a big vodka abuser,and so am I...I love the shit.I watched what it ultimately did to him and spoon fed him for 9 years,but it didn't stop me from choosing the same path.I'm off that path now thanks mostly to my friend in Colorado,but it's still a challenge.
To try and deal with the real reality of the world is still difficult for me,but I'm getting better at it.