WHERE MY PHONE AT?

I've had the same samsung phone since I left the warm embrace of hines pool and spa and that was awhile ago. Being satisfied with my service,I took advantage of an upgrade offer that got me a 200 dolla phone for "free" (I had to extend my contract).
That was on Sunday.I paid for express shipping(15 dolla...I know...15 dolla too boo koo! 5 dolla each!)and said phone has yet to make an appearance.
So I called my carrier to find out what was going on.
Initially it was a star trek interactive computer voice that told me I could simply speak my inquiries into the phone and it would help me.Wrong...after attempting to deal with this cyborg from hell I finally just said over and over "Let me talk to a REAL person" until the cyber satan gave up and passed me on to the humans employed there.
She was chipper and attentive and very helpful,but ultimately her advice turned out to be as useful as tits on a boar hog.
My new phone was at some UPS depot and had not been scanned in yet,and therefore,there was no tracking number with which to track it(like my banjo which I cyber followed across the US because,apparently the banjo hut has it's shit in one sock when it comes to shipping things).
But...I could track by reference,the reference in this case being my phone number dashes included .The support person and I shared pleasantries and I went to the UPS tracking page and typed in my information.
No dice.
If my phone isn't here tomorrow I'm calling my carrier back and will repeat the phrase "Where my phone at"? in response to every cyber satan inquiry until I get a real live fucking human.
I fucking HATE automated phone systems.