THE SATURDAY SIX
Sorry... I missed the friday five.Deal with it...

1.WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME SOMEONE FIRED A ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADE IN YOUR DIRECTION?
This has never happened to me...once, a crack addled resident of the emergency shelter I was house manager of fired a jumbo sized curling iron at my head...end result:six stitches and the effective end of my career in the "helping" field.
Kharmic anecdote...This person was beaten to death with a baseball bat a couple of years after opening my head up...in my early days in the biz I would have been aghast...but with my new found callousness I said good riddance to a lousy piece of shit.

2.HAS SOMEONE EVER THROWN A SATCHEL CHARGE UNDER YOUR VEHICLE AND BLOWN YOU TO BITS?
This has never happened to me...once, I chased a runaway patient across a busy street during rush hour dodging cars and narrowly avoiding death, ultimately cornering said patient in someones front yard.I negotiated his safe return to the hospital with the promise of smoking a cigarette on the ride home.For this I was written up for allowing a patient to smoke...IN A COMPANY VEHICLE.

3.HAVE YOU EVER RIPPED A CHAIN OFF SOMEONES NECK IN A SECURITY ROOM AND WENT BACK TO YOUR OFFICE,SCREAMED INCOHERRENT BULLSHIT AT YOUR TEAMMATE IN THE PRESENCE OF OTHER PATIENTS,THREW YOUR KEYS ACROSS THE DESK AND STORMED OUT BEFORE YOUR SHIFT WAS OVER LIKE A COMPLETE CRAZY ASS PSYCHO?
Yes...this happened to me...amazingly,I didn't lose my job but got a week paid vacation and when I came back, whenever I was called to a crisis it dissolved quickly...I attributed this to my skill as a "mental health professional"...truth be known I was a complete crazy ass psycho that even patients at a treatment center knew better to fuck with...I was an asset to the company.

4.WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU BATHED?
This morning...I shaved too.

5.DO YOU OWN A GUN?
Once, a patient asked me if I smoked pot...I told him this: On my way home from work tonight I may smoke the biggest joint you've ever seen...then again...I may not.What business is it of yours?For the record...no...I don't own a gun.

6.DO YOU RANT OR RAVE?
I rant...raving is for pussies.....

Well...there it is... the saturday six.Draw your own conclusions.