MORE TALES FROM THE PIT AND THE DODGED BULLET THEORY OF REDEMPTION

The company I worked for had developed a training program for unit coordinators which was really quite good. The presenters were all expert in their area ( clinical to human resources) and, you actually came out of it a better manager. I excelled at it.
That's the cruel joke that is speed, when you're on it you can conquer the world while it slowly burns you up from the inside out. There were a lot of us messing around with this shit, but for me it was gaining the upper hand.
I preferred my left nostril. During a break in training, I slipped off to a distant bathroom to do a bump. At the sink, I looked up to the mirror and saw a dark ring around the edge of said left nostril...it was dried blood.
How long had it been there?
Had anyone noticed?
Better switch sides for awhile.
And wash it off.
Good thinking brain! Now back to class, you genius!
And so I barreled along like this for a few more weeks, along the way I hooked up with one of my employees, left my wife, lived out of my truck and couch surfed until I found a place and generally ran headlong into that brick wall.
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THE GUN HAS BEEN FIRED- DUCK!

One night, at a poker game I wasn't at, a fellow unit coordinator and friend confided in his team leader that he was concerned about me and my habit. Turns out this team leader had had a horrible experience with, I think, an ex-wife who crashed and burned on crank airlines. I had also been selling this guy weed for about a year and a half.Although it would be over a year before I found out it was him that had ratted me out.
There was a big swing toward treating substance abuse at our center, and while some people embraced the twelve steps, most just stopped what they were doing or went underground about it. I didn't fit in any of these catergories and stuck out like a sore thumb.
It was obvious there was something wrong with me, but we had a code of "honor" and nobody with any real knowledge came forward.
Until...
I reported for supervision to Prof. Abstract's office on monday morning and had no sooner sat down when there was a knock at the door. It was that team leader from the poker game.
Prof. Abstract say's: " I've asked xxx to act as a witness, you can no longer be unit coordinator because you are addicted to speed". BANG!!!The other team leader was silent throughout this meeting.
I was shocked. I was busted. I was looking at a guy that I had been selling weed to and he was narcking me out.
Abstract continued: " You have these options: Resign or agree to go into treatment and save your job".
No no no no no!!! I'm looking at this other team leader thinking "I should sling your sorry ass".No,not cool. What to do?
I did what any speed freak would do, I lied my ass off and rationalized my erratic behavior like a motherfucker.
And then a third option occurred to me, there was no prior documentation of any negative behavior on my part, in fact, it was all positive. This had come out of the blue as far as documentation was concerned. I had a chance to beat them at this. I would file a grievance! It was my right to do so. I announced my denial of the charge and my intention to file. I got up and marched defiantly to the human resources directors office and made my case. I would make that training program pay off, by god.
Meanwhile,Prof. Abstract, against the advice of many, marched down to my unit and held a group with my team and my patients where he announced he had fired me because I was addicted to speed.
BIG MISTAKE.
A few days later I got a call from human resources summoning me to a meeting with the director and some other key personnel. I had steered clear of any and all drugs during this time and was thinking more clearly.
It turned out I wouldn't need to plead my case. They were sorry, they said, Abstract had made a mistake, jumped the gun with his group announcement. They would pay me for time lost. Abstract ( who was not at this meeting ) had conveyed that he could "live with" me returning to my unit. But the damage there was done, I couldn't go back if I wanted and besides I said, I wasn't interested in working for someone who was merely tolerating me.
They asked me where I wanted to go. I suggested the relief team. There were some comments made about my abilities as a manager and my years of experience. The program supervisor
suggested the center supervisors office, as a relief member of the team. The CSO! Damn! I had aspired to join that team and here it was being handed to me as a peace offering.
Looking back, I probably had a winnable law suit, but I was just focused on keeping my job and winning the fight.
I won.
I had some vacation time, so I used a week of it to prepare for my new job. I spent that time cleaning up. I was so excited to have been given a second chance at my job that I loved so much, and really, in a much bigger sense, my life.
The CSO team, on the other hand, resented me coming on board and didn't keep it a secret from me or anyone else willing to listen.
This was my penance...people who had respected me would no longer make eye contact when we passed on the sidewalk. I was officially in some sort of purgatory. It was a long hard climb back to credibility and respect. It would take a year and a half.
I didn't feel sorry for myself, I owned up to it. Shit, I deserved it.
(The purgatory, not the job).