HOTEL

We drove to Amarillo and checked into the hotel I've checked into on almost every trip to Colorado. I ran to the liquor store and picked up some booze... I'm not certain but I think it was Canadian mist and ginger ale for my dad and beers for me ( I had about 2 ounces of white haired sensimilla pot and an 8 ball of coke ) We were set.
My dad got really drunk and in between teaching me the song "Ol' Shep" which was about a dog, which reminded him (tearfully) of his favorite childhood dog that drown in the hudson river when he was 14, he told me some about his experiences in the war...the big one...WWII.
Mostly that he had killed people, and even though it was for god and country, these experiences had scarred him and he would never get over the sight of bodies and parts of bodies floating on the surface. Bodies and parts of bodies that he was responsible for killing in his mind. He was glad I had missed the draft and Viet Nam and we both had mom to thank for that, her and her erratic biological clock and the 4 siblings that were stillborn before I managed to hang on in that womb and pop out. (albeit breech and with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck)
Some of this history I had heard before, but not the war part. I had seen my dad cry before, but it was always situational...not like this.
I tried to share with him my experiences at the psych hospital...He got it, but it could never rate with killing people during wartime. He appreciated the emotional toll though.
He finally passed out and I was wide awake, partly because of the revelations of the evening, but mostly because every time I went to take a piss I would snort a line.
I remember watching my dad as he slept and marveling at his humanity. I had always loved my dad and respected him...He was an amazing person prior to this night, but after this he was so much more to me.
We left in the morning and never said a word about any of it after that.
But we looked at each other in a different way...a kind of unspoken reverence and appreciation for who we were in that moment.
We got home and mom was glad to see me ( I think she was more excited about meeting Buddy, but that's just me ) and then it was time to look for a job.
I didn't have to look long.