An interesting start to the new year
"Here comes your 19th nervous breakdown"
Okay, so I've never had even one nervous breakdown, but this last month I had to wonder if I was about to have my first. There's no denying that I have a job that's very stressful and that it gets even worse around the holidays. This year, I slowly lost my ability to manage that job in December. Multitasking became extremely difficult, I started forgetting things, I would confuse one companies policies with another, I failed to follow up on issues and last week I lost my ability to keep my cool on supervisor calls. For some reason, I wasn't able to do the things I was best at so last Monday I asked my boss for some time off to get myself together before something bad happened on a call. I only got an extra day and let me tell you, it wasn't enough. Last Friday was one of the worst days I have ever had at work and I managed to screw up quite a few calls. And the mental fog doesn't just exist at work, it happens at home as well. For example, I just grabbed a coffee filter in my attempt to make a cup of tea and well, the coffee filter is not used in any way to make a cup of tea around here. I know everyone does things like that on occasion, but for me recently, it's the sort of thing that happens very often in the course of just one day.

So maybe it's stress or maybe it's perimenopause (there are other signs and symptoms that point to that as the culprit) or maybe I have just lost my mind. Either way, I'm in quite the predicament since I have essentially lost my means of income because I will get fired if I continue to work in this condition. And folks it's not even the getting fired that concerns me, but the fact that the customers get screwed over even more when I mess up on a call and that's not good for anyone involved.

I'll be seeing a doctor, though I don't think it's going to do any good or provide any sort of quick fix. But I figure I might as well use my health insurance one last time because the moment I turn in my resignation or get fired, the insurance is gone. There's also the fact that answers and solutions to problems often come from where I least expect it so I'm going to go with the flow on this one. We'll see what happens... I think it's going to be a very interesting year.