I'VE STILL GOT ISSUES

And,apparently,they mostly revolve around mortality...life and death.Mostly the death thing.There is not anything worse than losing someone or something that means something to you.And I have had the unfortunate luck to experience it over and over again.
My parents,both long gone-I miss them so much.Mark(he cheated us all) My dogs Buddy,Sullivan(I was so cheated on that one),Diamond,and the list goes on and on.
I don't do death well.But who does?
While I am not inclined to snuff it,I have to be consoled with the occasional melt down.
They have been coming more frequently these days,in part I think to my drinking.I remember when I quit doing speed so many years ago,I just woke up one day and said "I'm done"-and I was,just like that.
As far as the drinking goes...much harder to put down.Nothing bad happened,but it occurred to me last night that I was done.
So I'm on the last cocktail from a bottle of death I've been carrying around with me since I was 12-yeah-12.Hey,36 years of bad behavior can't be wrong,right?:)
I'm not saying I'll never drink again,but for now-I'm done.
There,I said it.

Cuz I'm praying for rain
And I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.
I wanna watch it all go down.
Mom please flush it all away.
I wanna watch it go right in and down.
I wanna watch it go right in.
Watch you flush it all away.

Tool...Aenima