THE HOLIDAYS ARE UPON US

As soon as halloween was just a glint in some hypoglycemic kids eye as he foamed chocolate fizz out of nose and mouth while convulsing on the bathroom floor, the television lights up with ads...most of them bypassing thanksgiving all together, and going straight to the mother of all debt fests, christmas.
Now, for the record, I love halloween, diabetic comas notwithstanding...and the fact that the religio-nutbags get thier collective panties in a wad each and every year, pointing to some satanic celebration going on under our very noses. To them I say where is the guest of honor??? In all the years I have been here for halloween, not once have I encountered the dark one unless it was a hershey special dark one...in short, you are full of shit, halloween is about candy and parties and fun. Get over yourselves already.
Thanksgiving is my favorite. No gifts beyond the joy of gathering family and friends together and eating like there's no tomorrow. That's it, food,family and fun, except for that little detail of us systematically eradicating the race that introduced us to this past time in the first place... if you believe the pilgrims. I like food, family and fun and remembering the spirit of the day, pre small pox blankets and wholesale slaughter. Plus, you got that no gift thing going for it.
But, christmas...that's a whole 'nother critter. From now until the super bowl we will be inundated with buy buy buy! Gone are the days of " I sold my pocket watch to buy you this brush for your beautiful hair " and " I sold my hair to buy you this watch fob"... Now it's " I took out a second mortgage to buy you this holiday cruise" and "I sold a kidney to buy you this lexus...you love me now, right? Please tell me the dialysis in my future will be worth it".
Have you seen that cruiseline commercial? Everyone's walking around with mini ships under their arms and the little girl who is so cute she should be thrown under a sand truck or abducted and held for ransom by the somalian pirates that will attack your ship if you come within 100 miles of the coast of africa, and take even more of your money because you got so caught up in the commercial end of this holiday that you bought a fucking cruise to begin with.
AAAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!
Whatever happened to home made cookies?