I WANNA BE IN A WAR MOVIE
I wanna dodge bullets and mortars and air assualts and kill a fuckload of gooks...or nazi bastards or raghead terrorists...as Arlo once said: " I wanna see blood, guts, veins in my teeth..." " I wanna Kill,KIll, KILL!!!!" . I'm your boy. I want to reach the summit of hamburger Hill, somehow unscathed, but so emotionally damaged from the carnage I've witnessed that the people at home alternately regard me as a threat to the neighborhood and some sort of fucking messiah, seeking me out for advice on how to deal with the crack dealers that are destroying the hood. I want to run through a gauntlet of raining bullets and cannon fire with Ice Cube, Ice T and Will Smith, with Bruckhiemer at the healm making sure those exploding cars and vans are just fucking awesome in that Bruckhiemer sort of way. I'm sure I'm misspelling "Bruckhiemer" but I don't give a shit...you know who I'm talking about. Think "Pearl Harbor"...never seen it, but I have seen the TV show "Without a Trace" of which he is a producer.
I could make Chuck Norris look like more of a pussy than he already does...I can kick Steven Segal's ass in any bar or fake looking "gook hooch" he wants. Seriously. I could. Plus, I have tattoos...and I can effect a really meanacing affect on command and then break into a slow drain of the tear ducts while crouching over the body of the latest gook I killed, overwhelmed by the photos of his family in his wallet that I just liberated of the 1500 piasters I need for that blow job when I finally get to ROR in Bangkok, and then I smile...thinking about that blowjob, paid for by the gook I killed in the jungle. And after I save the platoon single handedly by killing that " Doc Tran" or whatever the fuck that asian character actor that plays the evil commandant in all of Chuck and Steven's movies , I will be nominated for a golden globe. Seriously, put me in a war movie. That would so kick ass. And I could do that. Think Pvt. Pyle without the bathroom suicide.
OK...I'm officially buzzed. But seriously, Bruckhiemer...Call me...lets talk about WAR....and Movies...and the next blockbuster. Plus, I'm taller than Norris and thinner than Segal. And no gay ass wall street ponytail...jeez. Call me. Me boo koo dinkie dow! Me love you long time! No shit! I buy you Honda!
(file under: It's the vodka talking...:) )