So THAT'S what it feels like
I woke up this morning in a foul mood. I thought I had reached the maximum level of angry, evil bitch when I had that sinus infection, but I was wrong. I had been disturbed from an interesting dream where I was talking to Professor Snape when the alarm went off, but this happens every morning (the alarm that is, not a dream about the Harry Potter books.) The dogs stirred and bounced around on the bed when Rob got up, but this also happens every morning. Theo barked for five minutes at the "strange man in the shower" (actually Rob) and why Theo can see Rob through the bathroom window from the bed is a story for another day. But again, this happens every morning and annoying as all of that is, it has never propelled me to the level of rage that I felt today. I threw pillows at the dogs and screamed obscenities at them as I got out of bed and got dressed. I stomped into the kitchen to make coffee and bit my tongue so I wouldn't tear Rob a new asshole because he forgot to take out the trash last night and where the fsck was I going to put the old coffee grinds when the trashcan was full and overflowing? The dogs had long since fled to the backyard, but Rob asked me what was wrong and I had enough sense to just mumble something about not getting enough sleep. Rob shrugged his shoulders and hurried off to work much to my relief because my tongue was getting pretty sore from being clamped down between my teeth. I sat down at the computer with my coffee and pondered this strange feeling. Was it some sort of backlash from being depressed? "Ah, who the fsck cares; think I'll have some toast." Instead, I throw small temper tantrum when no butter is found in the fridge. Never mind that I don't usually butter my toast. Instead I scream, "Why the fsck is there NO BUTTER?" which sends the dogs running for the backyard again and the thought crossed my mind that Rob is a mean and evil person for using the last of the butter and not writing it on the grocery list. I stomp back to my computer to read email and make a supreme effort to become interested in the latest posts to the mailing lists. Later as I'm rereading an email for the fourth time, Rob calls me and the best I can do is just be rude. I decide I must be REALLY short on sleep and hungry so I start another pot of coffee and make the damned toast and spread jam on it with no butter. Just like I always have my toast and I pause to wonder why all of a sudden today I want butter? "Ah, who the fsck cares; just eat the toast and start the damned laundry!" Later on in the day, Rob checks in again and suggests that maybe I have PMS. I consider that for a moment and decide that he must be right even though PMS for me is almost always a migraine and not a temper tantrum. But my behavior sure does remind me of the other women I've known over the years who would get like this with PMS... yes, yes, it fits. And so I drive to the gas station/food market and purchase a pint of chocolate malt ice cream with fudge swirls and chocolate covered almonds because that's what those women used to do. And you know what? It worked!

I hope this isn't something I have to deal with on a monthly basis from now on, but if it means the migraines are gone... well, I might trade that for some craziness and maybe I'll learn to like ice cream and chocolate (normally, I don't eat either of them.)