The nonalcoholic hangover
Yesterday I woke up with the worst hangover I've ever had in my life except that I didn't drink a drop the night before. Even when I do drink to excess, I don't usually get hangovers because I tend to limit myself to beverages that don't cause that reaction in my body. But every once and awhile I'll socialize with a group that convinces me to try this or that drink with a silly name or I'll get talked into doing a shot (or two or three) of some strange substance. Which usually leads to my drinking even more drinks with silly names or more shots of liquids that resemble brake fluid and I'll have hell to pay the next morning. So it was a bit frustrating to wake up yesterday feeling that way without any fond memories of a rip-roaring time the night before. No, it was just an evil combination of hormones, allergies and arthritis cleverly mimicking the effects of a night of partying. Hormones provided the all-body puffiness required to produce the telltale "pillow marks" on my face. Allergies added the red-eyes, splitting headache and complete lack of energy. Arthritis kicked in to contribute the after effects of dancing for hours or arm wrestling or other assorted excessive physical endeavors I might engage in after consuming large quantities of alcohol. Unfortunately the activities of the night before were simply washing five loads of laundry, hardly the thing to cause me to say "Ah, but it was worth it," the next day. And to add insult to injury, I had to go to work and be nice to idiots and assholes for 10 hours. When your parents tell you as a child that "Life isn't fair," this is the sort of thing they are talking about.