SOME WORDS ABOUT THE NEGATIVE SLANT
I am clearly aware that everything I've written here for the last month or so ( give or take ) has been negative in one way or the other...death, killings, more death, the insanity that is gradually engulfing this country what with the resurgance of "morality" applied to areas that least need it. The attack on civil liberty and free speech. The list goes on, and that's the problem.
I've tried to inject humor into some of this global misery, but, I have to admit it's hard to be funny when the world around you is caving in on itself personally and in general. I try to get excited about things without doing so, there is always some other bummer waiting around the corner dying to kick me in the nuts. It happened again today.
In an attempt to veer off this negative vector I will write about it as if it was the funniest, most lighthearted thing I have ever fucking seen in my life.
Today we went to the Taco Shack for break and there was this homeless drunky guy behind the place laying on his side eating what appeared to be a cup o' noodles...the parking lot is connected to the tetco we go to as well, so here was this derilect eating noodles in full view of all the gainfully employed folks getting gas and coffee and cigarettes. It was hilarious, I mean there he was, with his nasty ass hair full of leaves and shit from where he slept last night probably, slurpping noodles off his spittle encrusted beard, I thought I was gonna piss on myself laughing!
He accosted the order taker at taco shack, cutting in front of a soccer mom and her two niblets, crashing into the wall slurring "excuse me"...damn! he was "polite", that made me want to burst into laughter...then he asked for some salt in this drunken (yes! believe it or not, he was drunk at 9:30 in the morning) melange of english, spanish and wild irish rose, he smelled like shit...god damn that was funny!
Then he came into the dining patio and shook down the soccer mom for a quarter so he could" buy some salt", to watch her frantically dig through her purse and look to the other customers for back up practically made me fall out of my chair...it was a rich,rich moment. Some guy gave him a quarter in a lame ass attempt to take the focus off soccer mom and her 2 kids, but the homeless drunky took the quarter from the dude and still waited for soccer mom to cough up the coinage...rich! I was beside myself with amusement. He then accosted another, younger woman who promptly told him to piss off, which he did, but not before filling his pockets with salt packets and proclaiming he didn't give a "flying fuck" as he shambled out of the taco shack...man! Talk about your killer exit! It was fucking awesome! HaHaHa...man!
What made it funnier was he looked like Pat Morita from those karate kid movies, only taller, and with less teeth, and shit in his hair, and he was drunk and smelled like shit...it was a humor fucking trifecta!
But the real killer was when we left and saw the police cuffing his ass behind the taco shack, with his unfinished cup o' noodles between him and the police car...I wondered if the cops picked it up so he could finish eating before he got booked into central for the weekend, hummed the theme to the Benny Hill Show and laughed and laughed.
Because it was so funny that this guy would go to such extremes to get himself locked up...so he wouldn't have to spend another night in the woods at 35 degrees, so he could get three hots and a cot for a couple of days and a hot shower...only to be released to do it all over again...god damn! That's some funny shit, innit?
No? I didn't think so.
Well, the part about the soccer mom, maybe.