Thursday, April 28, 2005

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BREAK WITH ROUTINE

I used to stop at this 7-11 in the morning after dropping Ann at work for my morning coffee, until I discovered that it had a Stargate SG-1 like portal directly connected to Hidalgo Mexico and the coffee area. It was always crawling with wetbacks. Wetbacks with an air of impunity and a prediliction for diabetes level coffee...you know. Diabetes level coffee.
Instructions:
1.Procure 24 oz. coffee cup
2.Fill purportionately with capp-uh-chino, hazelnut, regular, pecan, 5 creamers and 15 sugars.
3.Stir vigorously
4.Taste
5.Add 5 more sugars and a packet of equal.
6.Stir some more.
7.Snap on lid while looking contemptuously at tattooed white guy waiting his turn to get his coffee as if to say "Si esa...I am in this country illegally and what are you going to do about it? You got a problem with that amigo? If so, write your congressman (almost falls down from laughing)
8.Repeat 1 through 7, 5 to 15 times simultaneously.
It has an almost religious quality to it. On occaision, I would find myself weak kneed in anticipation of a saint appearing. It was weird.
Anywho, I changed my habits and started stopping at the Tiger market. This place rocks. There's never a line and the clerks are pleasant, unlike the 7-11 from hell clerks who suffer from PTSD from the daily onslaught of lawnmower guys (wetbacks) and are hard pressed to go beyond muttering your total to you.
I like the Tiger Market...annoyance free coffee and a kind word exchanged.
But today was different. We stopped at another, equally fucked 7-11 on the way to Ann's work.This one has a portal linked directly to the weirdo central portal. Even the staff are goofy...and while most 7-11 employees wear green smocks, these motherfuckers are dressed in black. Black knit shirts with a 7-11 logo. Black pants. I wondered about a color scale based on profitability. Just kidding, I stumbled to the coffee area.
There was plenty of regular brew available and I was able to step right up...I got my usual. Regular blend, 3 cremes, 3 sugars....where's the fucking sugar? There was splenda and equal and sugar in the raw. No refined white sugar. WTF???
I was forced to use the sugar in the raw...which has " a hint of mollasses " flavor, which is ok if you like mollasses. I don't. But I can deal. Then the lid wouldn't snap on my cup (this never happens at tiger mart). I had to fight it on, discard it and go with another one before I got a good seal.
That's just too much work for a cup of coffee.
I will never stop at a 7-11 for morning coffee ever again.

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