TATTOOS...THEY'RE NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE...IT'S A FAMILY TRADITION
Last year,when my son turned 18, he didn't know what he wanted for his birthday...At the last minute he remembered what I had told him all his life:"If you get a tattoo before you turn 18,I promise I will REMOVE it for you. Said in that sinister dad's not fucking around here kind of way.Well, it worked...In spite of all the other misery he put me through,he believed me when I said I would remove any bullshit party tattoo he got in a most unpleasant way...He was able to resist the temptation until his 18th birthday...Then he remembered the OTHER thing I said about the subject:"If you decide you want one when you turn 18,I'll pay for it provided the artist is,well...An artist and not a needle freak (this referring to bad artists and not junkies).
Guess what he wanted for his birthday?That's right...And being a man of my word when I can't get around it,I agreed.
As luck would have it,the guy who did my back piece and whose known Kyle since he was a little boy,was in town for the tattoo convention,was available to tattoo my son.
He got a cheshire cat on his back,right between his boney shoulderblades...One of the worst possible places to get a first tattoo.He drew it himself(my son is an accomplished artist on paper and on the computer) and after a very few tattoo smart alterations, it was on...And it looked great.After it healed,we realized that the right side whiskers were missing...Understandable what with all the blood and ink spill.
So,as luck would have it,my buddy was back for the convention this year. Time to fill in the missing whiskers...And guess what my son wants for his birthday this year...That's right,another Alice in wonderland themed tattoo...And he shall have it.Drawn by him.
Last year,I got a tattoo with him,an old school lucky 13 horseshoe...This year it's knuckle tats of a crown,a skull and a nautical star.Father and son tattoos might sound kind of strange but me and my dad did the very same thing,in the very shop where my friend worked when he was in Texas,when he met my son.
Some fathers and sons fish or golf together,we get tattooed together.
I look at the tattoos I got with my dad and I smile at the memories...I look at the tattoo I got with my son and I smile at the memories so far and the memories to come.
Happy birthday Kyle...I'm looking forward to watching you make the "bitch face"(means OUCH!) and hope you don't notice when I make mine:).

DO YOU WANT THE BLUE PILL OR THE RED ONE?BOTH??
Where I work,I am blessed/cursed with working with some friends...I hold most of the other employees in high regard and occasionally socialize away from work with them all.
There are a few that are just co-workers.
The problem is the ones I'm closest to...these are the guys that got me the job in the first place and the owner of the company.
Back in the social worker days I was friends with peers and subordinates...hell I even slept with a few of them and lived with one for 8 years...but,being social workers,we had a twisted kind of bond that allowed us to be brutally honest with each other in the name of the job,treating the patient.We also had the uncanny ability to separate our own less than moral behavior from the morals we espoused to our patients,the details of which I won't go into...it was do what I say,not what I do,and what I do when I'm not here is none of your business,your business is why are you here?and what do you need to do to get back in the world and start acting like I do when I'm not here.It was done in a honest,open way,in front of everyone else...a critique presented in the spirit of strengthening the team.We were all focused on one goal,the maintenance of a therapeutic milieu.Critiques were not taken personally,as a rule,and if they were it was sorted out right away.
The people I work with now are NOT social workers,and have a rudimentary concept of what it means to be a team player. You have to watch what you say.The politics are different.
The farther away I get from what I did back in the day,the more confused I get.I can't be honest anymore without wondering if it's gonna come back and bite me on the ass,under any circumstance.
Back in the day,there was a clear code of conduct...there are no clear parameters anymore...I am frequently reminded of that scene from Apocalypse Now where captain willard asks the wild eyed grunt in the trench "who's in charge here soldier"? And the reply is a manic "Ain't you"?!
Responsibility and accountability is a game of hot potato...I try to set an example by owning up to my mistakes,and when I do,it's almost like I've ruined the game.If I can't legitimately point to someone else,I don't.And on the occasions when I can and do,I always get a sick feeling about doing it .
Back in the day,loyalty and trust was the foundation...today they feel more like shifting fields,changing everyday given the turf we find ourselves deployed on.
And I ask myself which experience is the real experience?It's the same game...only the rules are different somehow,and even after 6 years in this job I still haven't lost my memory of how it was,back in the day.
And I'm beginning to realize,that, while we were honest with each other,what we did was artificial , a cartoon of real life. A construct of the world, as seen through the eyes of a bunch of people with degrees in psychology imposing this reality on people who came from the real world...the one I'm in now.
Learning to be careful is hard.

I have the best husband in the world (for me, anyway)
You may have picked up from Rob's post yesterday mentioning tampons that I'm riding the red ball express, on the rag, Aunt Flo is visiting, oh hell, I can't remember the rest of the euphemisms. This, no doubt, explains some of my frustration level with the enetation comments, but I usually don't get the PMS variety that has me going after Rob with a butcher knife because he left the cap off the toothpaste. I do, however, get an intense craving for school cafeteria food around this time. I think it's the fat content because this is also the only time I have any interest in chocolate. And Rob, being the incredibly wise and sensitive man that he is, has cooked me a dinner consisting of Sloppy Joes and Macaroni and Cheese. Ah, perfection! I am SO spoiled.

Friendster
Circumstances involving bookmyband required I join Friendster today. So I've got only one friend in the network and yet I find this:
Your Personal Network currently contains 67182 people.

You can increase the size of your Personal Network by Inviting more friends.

Egads! Why would I want to increase the size of my Personal Network if it's already the size of a small city?

--P.S. If you want to endure the server lag and find me on Friendster, it's ann@bookmyband.com. Because I really needed that twelfth email address...

I hate to bitch about a free service, but...
The repeated failure of the comments program on this blog to function is about to send me up on a roof with a rifle. That's a joke folks, I don't own a rifle. But maybe it's time to move off BlogSpot and switch to MT...

The info I want is not on this highway...
I had one of my recurring dreams last night and figured I just might find a clue on the internet about it's meaning. It's a dream that I'm drowning, but it has a weird twist to it. In the dream I realize that I'm still breathing and at this point I get the equivalent of a "does not compute" error message and I wake up. I know that drowning dreams are very common and usually represent feeling overwhelmed, but I've never seen this twist mentioned in anything I found on the internet. Besides, I usually dream about elevators when I'm feeling overwhelmed. My drowning dreams always end this way and I've had them before, the first one when I was a kid, but they are spaced so many years apart that I can't come up with a common denominator of "issues". And why the "does not compute" ending instead of just a realization that I'm dreaming? I suppose this is one downfall of not having a job; too much time for navel gazing.

MONDAY-MONDAY-MONDAY...
Work was the usual...We are switching over to a new record keeping system (to launch jan.1...that should give you an idea of how well it's going) that is woefully inadequate in the area of purchase orders and inventory control...my primary area of responsibility.
The owner has a penchant for asking me questions about ordered parts when it's time to pay the invoices...if it goes beyond my 2 week limit to remembering things purchased and why,I could pull up the information in no time in our old system and address his concerns.
This is a luxury we no longer have.Purchase orders will now be received when the ap clerk pays the invoice...weeks after the part has been ordered and installed and billed to the customer...we have a hard time keeping up with it now, I can only imagine the problems ahead.
Despite this,I am trying to be proactive and positive and figure out a way to make this retarded cousin of what we had work. It looks like I'll have to develop a manual system to track parts...a step backwards.
But,you get what you pay for I guess,and the dispatching/scheduling module is fantastic.
After lunch,we were outside smoking and the AP clerk wondered out loud what that brown lump was in the field behind our shop...was it a dog?was it dead? The cleaning manager and I decided it was a deer,but drove over to investigate.Driving across the field in my rodeo made me feel like one of those adventurer guys on the discovery channel.When we got to the brown lump,it looked at us...exposing the face of the biggest pit bull I'd seen since the ones I shot in my back yard 9 years ago.He was huge! He got up,moved about 10 feet away and lay down again.
Since neither of us have a concealed carry permit (yet) ,we decided to go back to the shop and call animal control...about thirty minutes later,animal control shows up,the dog hadn't moved...we pointed him out and the AC guy went off to capture the dog...we got ring side seats to watch the drama unfold.
He approached the dog in his truck,and when he got too close,the dog got up,moved about 10 feet away and lay down again.AC guy got out of his truck and produced a giant butterfly net(!!???this is a 100 lb. PIT BULL,with a formidible nutsack-intact!) and then a catch pole/noose and approached the dog.
The chase was on! The dog took off...not in that "oh no! it's the dog catcher" panic,but more like a saunter like he was saying "ok,I'm leaving...don't fuck with me or I'll rip you and your silly net to shreds".
The dog won,he got away...no injuries to either party.The AC guy came back to shop and wondered if there was a bitch in heat somewhere. I remembered the look the dog gave us,and then I remembered the look my old dog Buddy used to get when the scent was in the air...then later I noticed the neighbors white german Sheppard sniffing at the sky wanfully. Then I felt bad,this poor dog was just trying to get laid and we cockblocked him.
Finally the end of the day...Ann and I decided on dinner and I headed to the grocery,where it was,unfortunately,not the end of the day...all the stress and frustration that was abscent from work was waiting for me there,at the grocery store we refer to as the "third world grocery".
We are item specific shoppers,and can usually get in the 10 items or less line...commonly referred to as the "express lane"...as far as this store is concerned,express lane is a cruel,cruel joke.
This store is like a live version of the game doom...each aisle is a level presenting it's own challenge and,instead of guns and lasers,your weapons are you cart and your facial expressions.Instead of orcs and demons,your enemys are the predominantly non english speaking customers whose weapons are thier carts,their litter of unruly children running around with no parental intervention and the obvious disdain they have for you,the 40 something white guy. (a clarification here,I do not consider myself a racist...I grew up in the south around people of color,knew their families,played with them and grew up to work in diverse workplaces with harmony and an understanding that we are all just folks...I have also shopped in other stores,in predominantly white areas of town and had the same experiences...except in those cases I was the 40 something white guy who should be shopping where I belong...with that said...)
They block the ailses,they park in the middle of the ailses 2 carts abreast and talk in a language I don't understand and give me those looks...the looks are the worst thing,I try to smile and stand there,blocked,my polite requests of "excuse me" go unheeded.Oh yeah...I forgot...they"don't understand english" how god damn convenient.So I turn around (if I can) and retreat,I will attempt this level later and now head to the Pharmacy of hell level,where on a good day,the wait is only 30 minutes,and none of the customers speak english,get way more medication than I get,whip out that medicaid/WIC/whatever card and pay 10 dollars,while I,even with insurance,pay 100...I made it through the pharmacy level,but it cost me.
Then,on to the tampon ailse level(yes...I buy tampons for Ann,it doesn't bother me,I've heard it's an issue for some guys and to this I say get over it you big baby)...today there were three twenty-something girls bogarting the tampon area... waving around various boxes of 'poons and I guess discussing the merits of each...I couldn't understand what they were saying,perhaps it was "look at the white dude needing to get tampons for his woman,let's stand here talking gibberish and see how uncomfortable we can make him"...nah...probably not.I left the ailse and circled around for at least 10 minutes...they finally got the ones with wings and landing gear and left,I swooped in and grabbed the ones I needed and I was ready for the final level....check out.
Check out is where the "inability" to understand spoken or written english comes heavily into play. And underlines the cruel joke that is the "express lane" at the third world...when the other lines are backed up,they get into the 10 or less lane with a basket full and then pretend to not understand the concept of 10 or less...christ!Even I can count to 10 in spanish! Do they really think we're that stupid???Apparently,because then:
They whip out the Lone star card...Texas' answer to food stamps...and you notice: they are dressed nicer than you,they have nicer jewelery than you see in general...and if you manage to follow them out,you see they have a nicer car than you.Why can't I get one of these Lone star cards????
Because I report...uh...I mean make too much income to qualify...this is the point that I spontaneously combust and have to start the game over the next time I need to eat.
The united states is a country of cruel contradictions,for me and for the people that come here trying to better their lives and instead learn to resent and manipulate and get in my god damn way on the bread ailse.

Idle Hands Are the Devil's Tools
Apparently this is a belief held by my neighbor. I'm trying to do some work (freebie stuff, not paid) and it's really hard to concentrate with the various sounds of construction emanating not more than ten feet from my workspace. I'd like to reach out my window and slap the guy, but that wouldn't be very neighborly now, would it? This has been an ongoing, ever present experience for quite a few years (starting whenever it was that he decided to retire.) I didn't pay it much notice other than when it woke me up a bit early on the weekends until I moved my office to it's current room a couple of years ago. Words cannot describe how much I regret this decision. I don't think a single day has gone by in the last two years when SOMETHING noisy wasn't being done a stone's throw away from my computer. If it's not auto repairs or car washing/vacuuming, it's home improvement construction or expanding the driveway or chainsawing a tree or a new sewer line or some mystery project involving an air-compressor. I'm not sure what the solution is to this since he has the right to putter around to his hearts content, but damn is it ever annoying. Maybe I should get better windows? Lead lined walls? A fence might help, but I can't put up a fence because of right-of-way issues with the phone company. If I ever buy another house, you can bet I won't buy one in a zero lot-line neighborhood like this one. I think I'd prefer about 20 acres with my house right dab in the middle.

My take on the Unemployment Puzzle
Angry Bear has some interesting posts here and here. There is much speculation about why so many people in the US have given up looking for work and dropped out of the labor force. I think the reasons are varied, but I do agree that there's probably a lot of people going back to school. If I could afford the tuition and books that's the road I'd take in the hopes that by the time I got my degree, the job market would have improved and I'd have even greater earning potential. I can't bank on that hope enough to take out a student loan and the last thing we want right now is more debt. We managed by drastically cutting our expenses and consumer spending in order to get by on just one income which, as fate would have it, turned out to be the one that was substantially smaller of the two. Much to our surprise, we found that life was still good and in some respects, much better. I've worked at high-stress, long hour, salaried jobs since my early 20s. I never worked less than 50 hours a week and often put in over 100 hours a week. This wasn't the chore that it sounds since I've always liked my jobs and enjoyed most of the work (though there's always those few things that a person just hates to do.) However, after being unemployed for a year, my outlook has definitely changed. I have no intention of getting another high-stress, 50 plus hour a week job. The extra income, especially after taxes, is simply not worth it. I applaud those work-alcoholics who have picked up the extra work left behind in the wake of layoffs and attrition because I was once one of those people. I know how much effort, energy and sacrifice it can take when you absorb three other people's jobs in addition to your own and since you still have an income, you can reward yourself with that new HDTV. However, I don't think I can ever go back to that way of life.

Right Brain/Left Brain
Blue Witch got me to wondering if I was Right Brain or Left Brain. I found a test here which told me:

Your Brain Usage Profile

Auditory : 26%
Visual : 73%
Left : 50%
Right : 50%

Ann, you exhibit an even balance between left- and right- hemisphere dominance and a slight preference for visual over auditory processing. With a score this balanced, it is likely that you would have slightly different results each time you complete this self-assessment quiz.

You are a well-rounded person, distinctly individualistic and artistic, an active and multidimensional learner. At the same time, you are logical and disciplined, can operate well within an organization, and are sensitive towards others without losing objectivity. You are organized and goal-directed. Although a "thinking" individual, you "take in" entire situations readily and can act on intuition.

You sometimes tend to vacillate in your learning styles. Learning might take you longer than someone of equal intellect, but you will tend to be more thorough and retain the material longer than those other individuals. You will alternate between logic and impulse. This vacillation will not normally be intentional or deliberate, so you may experience anxiety in situations where you are not certain which aspect of yourself will be called on.

With a slight preference for visual processing, you tend to be encompassing in your perceptions, process along multidimensional paths and be active in your attacking of situations or learning.

Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself -- and of others -- while maintaining an "openness" which tempers that tendency. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity may not be in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, obvious and the more functional.

And I tried another one at E-Mode which said:

Ann, you are Balanced-brained

That means you are able to draw on the strengths of both the right and left hemispheres of your brain, depending upon a given situation.

When you need to explain a complicated process to someone, or plan a detailed vacation, the left hemisphere of your brain, which is responsible for your ability to solve problems logically, might kick in. But if you were critiquing an art opening or coming up with an original way to file papers, the right side of your brain, which is responsible for noticing subtle details in things, might take over.

While many people have clearly dominant left- or right-brained tendencies, you are able to draw on skills from both hemispheres of your brain. This rare combination makes you a very creative and flexible thinker.

The down side to being balanced-brained is that you may sometimes feel paralyzed by indecision when the two hemispheres of your brain are competing to solve a problem in their own unique ways.

"Sometimes paralyzed by indecision" is right on the money. When that happens I usually have to go do something else for a while and come back to the task later or better yet, "sleep on it".

Useless information in my head
This afternoon while on the way to Maudies restaurant we heard in interview on NPR with Richard Pollak who traveled aboard a cargo ship and then wrote a book about his experience. He mentioned Malcolm McLean, the man that revolutionized the shipping industry with cargo containers, as well as the subsequent loss of longshoremen jobs that resulted and I looked at Rob and said "I already know all of this because there was a strike on the West Coast a while back and... hell, how DO I already know all of this?" Well, it turns out the strike involved technological innovations and since IT was involved I must have picked up a link from somewhere and found it interesting enough to do a bit of research and the internet makes that so very easy to do at times. But I have to wonder why my brain decides to retain this kind of information, but discards other more important stuff. Is it simply because the filing system in my head is just as disorganized as the filing system in my office? And if I organized the filing system in my office would it help the filing system in my head?

Is it age or is it the beer?
Apparently my IQ is dropping as I get older or maybe it's the six pack of beer I've consumed but this is my result from the free test at E-mode:

Your IQ score is 133

Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

I used to be able to score a 150 or greater on these tests without breaking a sweat. Back when I was in college, I made the mistake of taking the free test offered by the Dianetics folks and to this day, over 20 years later, my parents still get the occasional phone call or snail mail from them looking for me. Kinda spooky. Anyway, if I had the extra money, I think I would pay for the "IQ report" just to see where I'm slipping these days. Although that blurb about me having the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist makes me wonder if this is just a bunch of crap. Plus, I've been told I was a "genius" after many an IQ test (the first taken at age of five so I could get into first grade a year early) and I've never seen any signs of such "genius" emanating from my brain/body so I think the only thing this shows is that I was really good at taking tests in the past and I'm not as good at it now.

GO TO FULL METAL JACKASS
New stuff @ FMJA
Read the chronicles of a nightmare in the making.

Feeling Better
There's still a constant stream of liquid from my eyes, but it's slowed down to a trickle so I can actually read email and blogs now. I didn't realize how much I read on a daily basis until I suddenly couldn't see through the allergy muck. It was a challenge to find things to do these last four days. Laundry. I could do that. Dishes could be washed since I could feel if there was any food still stuck to the item. I suppose I could have watched TV, but I hate watching TV even when I can see worth a damn. So instead I took more than a few naps and sometimes I stared out the window at the blurry shapes that walked or drove by the house. I felt pretty lousy so it didn't matter that I couldn't find much to do because I didn't have the energy to do much of anything. Today has been better. I've started to catch up on my email and blog reading. I worked a bit on a website or two and when I was poking around an old website I found this:



That's from about eight years ago, but I look much the same now (without the hat; I believe the hat was eaten by a dog at some point.)

TATTOO CONVENTION???I'LL BE DAMNED!
There's a tattoo convention in town this weekend.I was going to go until I found out it was 15.00 to get in the door...I went to the one last year, and while I don't remember paying that much then, I figured seen one, seen 'em all. (read: I don't have the extra cash)
Ann and I were having brunch and these two women sitting across from us kept staring at me...I wondered if I had dribbled egg on my face or something...I stared back,and one of them finally spoke: "where did you get your tattoos?were they done locally?" . I answered yes and then they asked me about the convention...was I going?
They liked how bright my colors were...blah,blah,blah.
When they left a couple took their place at the table,more staring,more questions about the convention,some mutual bitching about it costing 15.00 and there isn't even a band...etc.
We finished brunch and left.Later at the grocery store,a guy that works for a distributing company I've talked to at this particular store before and the other one near our home engaged me in the same chat...then in line,another person asked who did my work and asked about the convention. Lots of people were staring...much more than usual(actually,usually it's not staring,just the hanging glance with the non spoken realization "oh yeah,this is austin...no big deal").
I have been tattooed for so long now,I don't really think about it much.Most of my friends are tattooed,and like I said, this is austin...almost everyone has tattoos. It's something we all take for granted.
I remember once,a LONG time ago,I went to a shopping mall in Piqua (sp?) ohio...I had no visible tats then,but I was wearing a Jesus Lizard T-shirt...the reactions I got were like I was walking around with my business hanging out waving it at the children passing by...over a T-shirt! It made me uncomfortable...I'm sure there were prayers for me at several dinner tables in central ohio that night.
What's the point?
Manners,for one...and tolerance...and acceptance.
And, as much as it sucks to be in this town some days...I'd rather be here than some place like Piqua,Ohio.


That's not excessive,is it? :P

Bad Poetry

Cedar Fever
Really sucks
If molds are high
I'm double fucked

That pretty much sums up the last few days.

IN WITH THE OLD,OUT WITH THE NEW...OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND?...IF THE DEMS KEEP IT UP IT WON'T BE.
you've got the other "democratic hopefuls" sniping at Dean the "frontrunner" who seems bound and determined to derail his campaign by saying something stupid everytime he's in front of a microphone.The latest being his statement about not using his wife as a "prop"...maybe he's sincere...I think the role of first lady is inflated and overrated,their involvement in the body politic is akin to my son being the batboy for my softball team years ago..."lets give Kyle a thrill and a team jersey" no harm in that.The only first ladies to really try to get involved in something meaningful were roundly criticized and in the case of Hillary,vilified,by the opposition and the media.
This is a shame...Dean's analogy of wives being props is either right on the money,or he's trying to hide something...either way-who gives a shit really? Get back on track...this country is spinning down the drain...what are you going to do about it???
I don't care which of you smoked pot,what moment you're embarrassed of or ashamed of in your careers,or how effectively you can undermine the competition in your own party.GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!This is not a high school debate club or a game of truth or dare in your cousins basement. You are supposed to be competent politicians,and so far,that's what I'm missing...competence...please...now before it's too late.
The republicans have the edge here...HUGE war chest,no in-party opposition and the american public by the short hairs,psychologically,emotionally,financially and the fact that the opposition is divided and acting like adolescents fighting over the next class president.
The GOP leaning voters are content to accept the lies and corruption and vote the party line...oh,I forgot,the GOP party line is ALL ABOUT lies and corruption...and even though these lies and corruption are published everywhere...they ignore it."they're making it up" and blindly embrace Bush and his pack of wolves as the party of opportunity.Back to wives for a second...Bush described Laura in a poem awhile back as the "lump in the bed" and nobody batted an eye. It was cute.CUTE???Come on! I'd rather be referred to as a "prop" any day than "the lump in the bed".
Why is she a "lump in the bed"? Small,limp penis I'm betting...anybody who acts like this idiot ("bring 'em on") is clearly lacking...and I'm guessing it's a small,limp one.
So...to sum up: which party is marginalizing the wives more?
Back to that party of opportunity statement...sure...the GOP is the party of opportunity...for people who have had opportunity handed to them on a silver platter.To them it doesn't matter if a sock puppet was in charge they would be ok...wait a minute-a sock puppet IS in charge and they ARE ok...I just proved my point.
Maybe that guy that sells "THE AMAZING STRAP WRENCH" on cable TV should run...at least we could look forward to that free 4 pound tub of OXYclean with every vote.
The dems need to rally around the front runner instead of trying to undermine him in favor of their own lame ass agendas before they cement the image of the democratic party as a party of eunuchs and ruin it for another 4 years...imagine another 4 years of Bush...I would just as soon burn off my extremities with an acetylene torch.

UNSOLICITED ADVICE/SUPPORT/COMMISERATION IS A BAD THING...
I was reading the blogs I read today and was touched by the latest post at BILLYSWORLD...seems that Bill's having a hard time these days. I wanted to comment,but his comments are turned off...a clear enough message.
BUT...being the person I am, I couldn't pass on the chance to pass on my words of wisdom.
And here they are: hang in there.
That's it.
What was written in that post resonated for me...we have a lot in common apparently,close to the same age (I'm a bit older-44),similar upbringing...free from molestation of any kind that wer'e aware of...I was a punk too:) ,of the american variety...more a Black Flag kind of punk than a sex pistols punk,but I think the cred crossed any boundary...a punk is a punk. Half my family is from Ingerland to boot.
I worked with children as well...for almost 20 years...but it was in treatment centers.
My job was to put them back together and keep them safe...I was good at what I did (this statement always reminds me of gang of four) and,after a regime change,I was forced out because the new boss couldn't see past my appearance...and there I was,unemployed,burnt out and single skilled...what the fuck was I gonna do now?
What CAN I do besides what I've been doing for the last 20 years?
Both of my parents were gone...so I couldn't go to them for guidance...that was probably the worst thing,the people who I had frequently taken for granted much of my life yet had always been there for me were gone...I was on my own.
Or so I thought...turns out they were still with me,I could imagine what they would of said...my value system had,after all, come from them.I still long to call them up and talk in real time...but I can remember them and what they were about...and that is a comfort to me.
After stumbling through a few bad fit jobs I found my footing and do something for a living I never dreamed of doing back when I was a lifer in the psych field.I miss those days,to be sure,but now it's a good miss and my biggest problem is sorting it all out for myself...those were crazy times and I would like to understand them.But the passing of time has blurred the memories or I have buried the ones too painful to recall.
When my mom told me to ruck up when she was alive, I did...and even now that she's been gone 12 years,I can still hear her telling me to ruck up...and I do,everytime.
Nobody else has permission to tell me that...except for Ann.

AAA-CHOOO!
I think the cold snap (cool snap for you folks in the north) has triggered a bit of cedar pollen or maybe it's the misty drizzle from the last few days bumping up the mold count. Either way, I'm considering spending my entire day in front of the computer with a large pot of coffee, a box of tissue, my under-desk heater and whatever allergy medication I can find in the medicine cabinet. I probably wouldn't call in sick if I had a real job, but I'm allergic to housework and I wouldn't want to make this any worse, eh?

The dogs are not favoring my plan and are being buttheads. They have gone outside and come right back in more times than I care to count and are apparently doing their morning piss in 5 second increments due to the cold. I keep hearing the "let me out or I'll piss on the floor bark" as opposed to the "let me out because I want to bark at the neighbors bark" or the "we need water in our water bowl bark" so I've been popping up and down like a jack-in-the-box. This last trip to let them out revealed coffee grounds scattered across the carpet in the front room. The coffee pot was intact so one of the dogs must have noticed that the trash can lid wasn't secure and took advantage of the situation. Sure enough, I caught Theo with the goods; a paper plate from last night's white trash dinner of Frito Pie. Most days I can leave the lid off the can completely and they behave themselves, but apparently the lure of Frito Pie was too great. I guess I will stuff some tissue up my nose and go clean up the mess which unfortunately involves my arch nemesis, the vacuum cleaner. If I survive, I may be back to post again later.

IT'S TIME YOU MET THE CHILDREN...
Besides my son (who was birthed by the sucubus) , there are 34 children living in the house of Ann and Rob.30 are turtles...most of them Box Turtles, currently living indoors for the winter...27 could hibernate outside for the winter,but I am such a bad parent,I did not have their outdoor pens ready for the winter.It is a logistical nightmare full off water tub rotations and anxiety...I have had these turtles for years...I love them,they love me...but more about that later.
This is about our dog children.
Let me present (clockwise and to the right), Theo,Irene and Sullivan:

They are all rescued dogs...Theo was adopted from our vet as a pup, Irene was rescued from my sons stepfathers ranch...originally intended to be my son's dog but you know how those things work out.Sullivan is the true hardcase of the bunch...never inoculated for parvo...caught it and was abandoned after the owner bailed on the bill to cure him,he lived in a vet cage for a couple of months until my vets staff saw me coming..."Hey!You like black dogs....."End of story,he was ours.
The pack order is as follows: I am the alpha male,Ann is the alpha female,Theo is currently the alpha male dog (every once and awhile he and sully get into a savage fight and switch places until the next fight...we have the blood splattered on the walls to prove it...these fights never occur when I'm around...in true dog fashion).Irene is the instigator of general mayhem and really the boss of the 2 boys...just like with us humans, women are in charge whether we like it or not.
We got a king sized bed recently...and when you come right down to it...it was so the pack could fit comfortably on it (all 5 of us).
Call me crazy...but these dogs love us unconditionally,and we them.
We are a pack of dogs...whether we know it or not.

Chez Rob
There are the "I can follow a recipe" kind of cooks and then there are the "I make up my own recipe" kind of cooks. Rob is that second kind of cook and last night's dinner is a good example. I'm sure if I had been the one fixing dinner last night we would have had something along the lines of fishsticks and mac-n-cheese. Rob, not being a big fan of school cafeteria food, had other plans. Here's what he came up with (he made this up, it didn't come from a cook book) - read it and drool...

Salad:
Baby spinach,arugala and carrots
4oz. cocktail shrimp
Garlic and herb croutons
Garlic italian dressing
Toss

Entree:
Thin sliced roast beef
shredded potatoes
shredded swiss cheese

Pan fry potatoes
Overlap 2 slices of beef (about an inch overlap),cover with a layer of cheese
put a layer of fried potatoes on top of cheese
Roll it up...microwave for 90 seconds in a pyrex (or other micro safe dish)

Sauce:
Chipolte cream sauce (packaged by wagner,I think)
sauce mix whisked with one cup non fat milk,a tablespoon of butter and a smidge of black pepper...bring to a boil,turn it off...whisk in another tablespoon of NF milk.
Drizzle over beef before serving

I had too much to dream last night... (only old farts like me will recognize the song reference)
I had one of those dreams last night, the kind that mean something. Well, they probably all mean something, but there are those dreams where you wake up knowing it means something and realize you could probably figure it out if you just thought about it for a few minutes and then there are those dreams like this one where you realize what it all means while you are still dreaming and hope you can remember it when you wake up. Even though I know what it all meant, it would be too hard to explain the underlying meaning to someone who doesn't know me very well, but I figured I'd post the dream since some of the elements came from the land of blog.

This dream starts with me speeding down through a tunnel on my motorcycle. The reason I'm speeding down a tunnel on a motorcycle is because I'm being chased by some famous woman who is only famous in the dream, not in real life - never seen this person before that I'm aware of. This woman is shooting at me and one bullet ricochets off the tunnel wall and hits me just below my right ear. I reach up and feel the wound and think "Ah, just a .22 ricochet entry with no exit wound, I haven't fallen off my bike yet and I'm really far too busy getting away from this crazy bitch to worry about it now." I manage to lose her and get to where I'm going.

The place I was going turns out to be the place that I work (in the dream) which is an office located in a shopping mall. In real life I absolutely hate shopping malls and dreaming about working in an office located in a shopping mall has been a recurring theme for the last 15 years or so. It so neatly sums up everything I hate about coworkers, corporations and meaningless work. But back to the dream... I make it into the office and my coworkers are concerned that I've been shot, but this was apparently just a small part of a major attack on the city and they are more freaked out about that. Think along the lines of the famous woman being a part of some evil crime ring bent on destroying the city. Think Comic Books.

I find that my coworkers are handling this crisis in one of three ways; either crying and wringing their hands, pushing papers around like there's no tomorrow... well, in the dream they WERE at the point of no tomorrow... or trying on clothes and shopping like mad. No one seemed to have the sense to do practical things like lock the doors, find some guns (surely some of the store owners had guns?) or call the police, the army or SOMEONE to help (Spiderman would have been appropriate, but his name didn't come up.) I'm resting on a couch wondering how I'm going to get to the hospital or a doctor with the city under attack and I come the realization that my coworkers are all completely useless and I'm going to have to get off my ass and be the one to do all that practical stuff.

So I start looking for the guns and I start organizing people into some sort of a defense. Then the music soundtrack (my dreams always have a soundtrack) starts playing "Bullet in the Head" by Rage Against the Machine and I make the connection between the "famous" woman who shot me, the song lyrics, the bullet in my head and the fact that I'm trying to organize a shopping mall full of idiots.

I reach up and feel the point of the bullet (apparently still intact) poking at the skin on the left side of my neck and think "this is going to be easy to get rid of". I walk out of the shopping mall and ride off on my motorcycle into the sunset leaving my coworkers and the rest of the city to figure out on their own how to deal with their impending doom and destruction.

If you're curious as to what it all meant, the lyrics to the song might help explain it. You can find these on the web pretty easily, but all the sites I found have annoying pop-ups and/or ads so I won't post a link here. If enough people are curious, I might try and post an explanation later.

The elements that came from the land of blog are motorcycle (just the motorcycle, not the chase/shooting part) courtesy of Blue Witch, the comic book twist from billy, the idiot coworkers from Essay and the "guns and defense" from Rob here at Depthmarker. Apparently blogs are now worming their way into my dreams. And heck, why not? Happens all the time with books and movies.

THIS IS THE KIND OF SHIT THAT MAKES YOU FEEL OLD...
I'm in the check out line at my neighborhood grocery and all of a sudden I hear over the piped in music "Talk about the passion" by REM.Fucking REM on the muzak roster at a grocery store!!! I couldn't believe it,but there it was...one of my favorite bands (until they spewed up orange and damn near everything after that) from my youth,whose memory, apparently,has been relegated to interruptions for a clean up on isle 5.Geez.....The next thing you know Led Zeppelin will be hawking cadillacs...oh wait a minute...
I am well aware that every generations calling card is subjugated to a cartoon of what it once was eventually,but I'm not ready for my memories to be trivialized just yet...oh well...time marches on I guess.( I'm betting I won't hear any Jesus Lizard at the local grocery anytime soon,and with that I find some solace...at least the ID of my youth will be avoided by the masses).

I have some new year resolutions:
To continue on my path to a thinner, healthier me.
I have tried many times to sit down and chronicle my experiences in the psych field without success...I think because I've tried to tackle it all at once and that's just too much...so,I resolve to record those memories,as they occur to me and the fancy strikes at FULL METAL JACKASS,directing people from here.
To start playing guitar and writing again.
To get ahead,out of debt..blahblahblah.
Time to make dinner....

I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM...
I was outside at night,with some people I knew...not really people I knew when I was
awake,but people you know in that non descript dream sort of way.
It was raining to the point of flooding and we were along a river,on one side was a retaining wall and the residential area,on the other woods and rock overhangs...this is the side we were on.
In the pools and puddles were glowing things...of all shapes and sizes.Glowing green and pulsating...some in the shapes of wagon wheels others like giant scallops...still others in the shape of sea cucumbers and loofas. They were growing and morphing...changing shape.
On the other side of the river they had morphed into somewhat human form,all conjoined and undulating in a frantic rhtymn...until breaking off from the mass and running off into the darkness.
We were desperately trying to find our way to the other side...to the guns...I remember that distinctly,we needed to get to the guns. Something was horribly wrong ...there was something in the rain...these beings were trying to get to our side,to us...they were terrifying...fast and gelatinous,with crazy faces and sharp teeth...we had to get to the guns...not in some panicked sort of desperate way,but in a way that inferred we knew what we were doing and the guns were a solution,not a desperate measure.
We had reached the final crossing,flooded with water and these pulsating green glowing orthopods everywhere...no sound but the driving rain and thunder.How to get across?To get to the guns...
Then I woke up to Sullivan licking my hand.
I watch too many horror / war movies I think.

IF THERE IS A HELL...
I spent 8 hours there today. We had our floors and carpets done at the shop where I work, and it had to happen on a day we were closed.My boss wanted someone to babysit the floor guy so he wouldn't ??? There's a reason my boss is like this,but that's another several posts.On with the story....
I volunteered...out of a charitable moment (the bartender clarified charitable as a brain fart!) and thought it would be an easy way to make some extra cash...WRONG.
I show up at 9am,expecting the floor guy at 9:30...he doesn't show up until after 10.
This guy has been courting us for weeks to get this job,and from the first time he walked into the shop...I won't say I didn't like him...he just gave me a vibe,the kind of vibe I used to get back in the day when I was working in psych hospitals. plus,he had some immediately annoying habits.
1.He wore a jumpsuit,with a belt and a flag on the shoulder.
2.You know how some people say "and uh" or "um" or "you know what I'm sayin' " every 2 or 3 words?This guy said "and what not" ,"this and that" and "so on and so forth" every 2 or 3 words...some times he would utter one or more of these phrases just for the sake of saying them.( I knew this from my previous interactions with him...so WHY would I volunteer to spend 6 plus hours with someone who,by merely opening his mouth would make me want to gouge my eyes out?!?!)
3.Lot's and lot's of questions...if I wanted to answer questions non-stop,I would get arrested and interrogated.
As the day wore on I ran out of things to do relating to my job so I :
Straightened the interior of the rodeo and put the back seats back in the up position.
Washed the bird shit off the drivers side windows.
Read every page of fridays edition of the loathsome austin american statesman.
re-read the austin chronicle...scouring for something I may have missed (I didn't miss anything)
Found a "quick dry window cleaning kit" in the rodeo and cleaned the windows.
Looked for missing lighters under the seats and that 00 gauge ear plug my dog Irene knocked out of my ear a year ago...several times.
Endured questions and "so and so's" and "what not's" until I considered running out into traffic.
Called Ann several times to "give her an update".
Called my buddy Joel (also the general manager) and tried to get him to come visit with some beer...quote:"I love ya Rob,but I'm not gonna do that...I don't want to be anywhere near the shop on my day off" who can blame him?
Sat on the curb in front of the shop,smoking cigs and staring at the sky like a catatonic.
Looked for those lighters some more.
When it was finally over and I was headed home,I was thankful.
That it was over.
And reminded of my need for focus and structure...
And certain that I would turn to a life of crime before I took a job as a parking lot attendant or a nightwatchman.

I'm going to regret this in the morning...
Rob arrived home, I got online and ordered pizza, the pizza was delivered and I ate my entire half of the large pizza in record time. Not a problem except that my half of the pizza had black olive, onion, bacon, sausage and pineapple. Have I mentioned before that I'm allergic to pineapple? Did I care that I was allergic to pineapple when I came up with the toppings for the pizza. Hell no, I wanted pineapple and by God, I ordered pineapple. Will I care tomorrow morning? Hell yes, but that's tomorrow...

Home Alone and Drunk Again
Does that title sound like a sad country-western song? Well, I'm not sad, but Rob is still at work and I've been spending the afternoon blog reading and drinking beer on a very empty stomach so it's an accurate statement. You see, our refrigerator has decided to call it quits thereby rendering all the foodstuffs inside it inedible (the freezer still works for now - weird.) I had some cheese and crackers for breakfast, but that was all that was safe to eat. I did, however, have a cooler of beer left over from last night and that's carbs and calories, eh? Made for a tasty lunch/afternoon snack/drinking too much to be blogging now experience. Rob was supposed to be done with work at two and we assumed we wander off to Maudie's for a late lunch. Two turned into four and we decided we'd just order pizza when he got home. Four turned into seven and pizza is still on the agenda, but at this point it's a toss up as to whether I'll still be coherent enough to eat it by the time Rob gets home and it's delivered. I informed Rob of my situation and the fact that I was running out of beer and, bless his heart, his response was "No problem, just drink some of my beer if you run out of yours and I'll pick you up a twelve pack on my way home." Ah, a husband that doesn't mind if I get rip roaring drunk without him AND offers me his beer to boot. I'm a such a lucky gal.

New Year thoughts
Sorry for the lack of posts, but I've been pretending to be on vacation and typing away at the computer was just too much like work (or at least the type of work I USED to do.) Instead, I've been doing the bare minimum of housework in the mornings, practicing the art of drunken laziness in the afternoons, and my evenings... well, let's just say that the fireworks around here are not the kind that involve gunpowder. It's been a wonderful "vacation", but it has to come to an end at some point and so on Monday I'll put away the beer and start wearing my job hunting hat again (I'm not planning on giving up the fireworks.) I will be looking for a different sort of job this year as I'm no longer interested in working 50 to 100 hours a week at some high stress job where I give my all to some employer who is just going to lay me off after a few years. I no longer care about benefits or salary or responsibility or challenge. As far as I'm concerned, making burritos at Taco Bell is just fine provided I can work part-time on a day shift, but I doubt the scheduling has changed much from my high schools days when I worked at Wendy's. I can remember many times when I'd lock up at one in the morning only to have to be back again at six that same morning to open up for the produce man. Perhaps times have changed, but more likely it's that I have changed and am no longer interested in doing "whatever it takes" to keep a job. This is going to work to my disadvantage in a tight job market, but the personal aspects of my life are so much more important to me now than some paycheck would be. Funny how just a year ago, I considered my paycheck to be one of the most important contributions to my relationship with Rob. I've finally figured out that it means very little to him other than a way to pay the bills, but it took a few months of having no income what-so-ever to hammer the point home.

THE GOOD,THE BAD,AND THE UGLY OF 2003 (AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED ANYWAY)
THE GOOD:
My son turned 18. And finally figured out what I've been trying to tell him for years.I think when I finally shut up about it is when he came around...plus he began to see the world for what it really was and decided to deal with it.He tells me he remembers things I said to him that shaped his development even though he was in the mess that is becoming oneself...I don't know if he's saying that for my benefit or not,I'm just glad he got his shit together. I'm very proud of him.

We paid off our house long before it was time to die in it. No small feat in these times.

Ann still has no job.How can this be a good thing?She has had time to focus on herself and our relationship without being fettered to a high stress bullshit job. As a result we have been poor,but rich in the sense that we appreciate what brought us together in the first place...it has nothing to do with money or station,and we are better for that.
She hasn't turned into the model housewife (thank god) but rather has been able to invest more energy into us and that has had the reverse effect,allowing me to do the same.We are a lucky couple.

I still like my job and (most of) the people I work with.I continue to learn and grow in a area where I never imagined myself. I never imagined being able to transition from what I did (see full metal jackass for a glimpse) to what I do now. Thanks to the folks that gave me the opportunity to change the trajectory of my life some 6 years ago.It's nice to feel human.

THE BAD:

War in Iraq...I will not repeat the never ending litany of multi-partisan reasons for why or why not we should be there. IT'S WRONG on the face of it...we were misled by an idiot from the get go. A war of lies...and we,america, are paying the price. We are hated because of this indulgence of the elite (and inept,and corrupt) of america. It's not possible for me to make a statement about how wrong we are without launching into a never ending litany...so I'll leave it at this, I predict we will be sorry...very sorry for what we have done in the middle east before it's over.

Afghanistan...remember them? A dangerous footnote in the war on terror...just ask Russia.

Saddam...We got him...so what?He's a bad bad man...but not even in the park when it comes to the men in the bush administration...look at the record. He is the tool of the man,and was probably in that hole until it was deemed advantageous to bring him out by bush and his cronies.

THE UGLY:

Bush: Killer of man and woman...he's proved this as gov. of texas and as president.King of vacations.Corrupt...duplicitous...fake...coward...liar...a methodist axe (two faced) ; Especially where the military is concerned.
Look at our situation now and ask yourself what the world will be like if we don't vote him out and allow him and his another 4 years to reign?
If it wasn't especially dangerous to make a threat, I would...but it is,so I won't.
Instead I will remind you of what a dangerous man he is, substandard in so many ways that compromise our world reputation...he is the pinnacle of ugly in more ways than I can list.
VOTE HIM AND HIS CANCEROUS ADMINISTRATION OUT IN 2004.

John Ashcroft IS the anti-christ...and a threat to the civil liberties of all americans...even those who support him...that is until they realize they have no more rights and can simply go "huh"???"what happened"???"I thought he was protecting us"???

Sheep...See Bush and Ashcroft above.WAKE UP!!!!!

The good things that happened to me this year have very little to do with the current administration...even Ann losing her job can't be blamed on the bush reign,her inability to find another,however, can...and to this I say Fuck you George..thanks for nothing ...you piece of shit.
Thanks to those who made my year better...my family and my friends...and to you I wish a very merry and prosperous new year.
BOO-YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pointless Quiz Time
Tip to Social Reject

What Classic Movie Are You?

Yep, I'd have to say that's a pretty good match for me.

My Christmas Vacation
A silly thing like not having a job isn't stopping me from taking a Christmas vacation. Actually, the fact that I have no job means that I can take a REAL vacation. Real as in a TWO WHOLE WEEKS AT ONE TIME vacation which is something I have only done once in the last 20 plus years (on my honeymoon with Rob almost 9-1/2 years ago. ) After all, a vacation is nothing more than a change in your normal routine and even without a job, it's fairly easy to change my routine.

Step one: no more job hunting every day or filling out applications and tweaking resumes to be forwarded to the black hole that exists in HR departments everywhere. I used to work in HR and the black hole for my department was located in the file cabinet where all applications were neatly filed and never looked at again because it was important to provide the local newspaper with advertising revenue by running the same ad every weekend for the two months it took the hiring supervisor to decide that maybe they wanted to actually LOOK at the applications we were receiving, but only those from the previous week (never mind the other seven weeks' worth.)

Step two: stay up as late as I want and sleep in as late as I want with no pangs of guilt about being an unemployed slacker because, hey, I'm no longer unemployed for these two weeks, I'm ON VACATION. Funny thing about this is that I'm still usually getting up at six o'clock in the morning and as a result I'm conking out before midnight. Oh well.

Step three: drink as much alcohol as I want. My vacations must include plenty of beer and I must spend at least one day where I start drinking beer the minute I wake up. I haven't quite gotten to that yet, but it's on the itinerary. And here's another funny thing. Having given myself permission to get totally sloshed each and every day if I want, I've spent quite a few of these vacation days completely alcohol free and most of them buzz-free.

Step four: do things I don't normally do or haven't done in a long time. Our little visit to the Megaplexxx store was one example. It wasn't until I read Rob's post that I discovered that I had seen a lot more porn movies in my lifetime than Rob. This is primarily due to the fact that I used to catch the midnight movies at the Dobie Mall Theater back in my late teens/early twenties. The films were usually either cult films like Eraserhead or porn flicks like The Opening of Misty Beethoven. It was the perfect cheap night of entertainment for folks on a budget since the midnight movies were only a buck or two and the popcorn and cokes were still inexpensive back in those days. If it turned out to be a porn film that was showing that night, no big deal. The difference this time is that I'm watching porn movies with my lover instead of with friends. That does tend to put a whole new twist on the experience ;>

Step five: cook less and eat out more. This one is a little harder to pull of when you're on a tight budget, but we've managed to throw in a few meals out at restaurants we haven't been to in a long time which made it feel much like visiting an old favorite restaurant at some regular vacation spot.

These little mind-game tricks have worked really well and I can honestly say that this Christmas holiday is one of the best ones I have ever had. And despite having no job and little money, I've had as much fun on this vacation as on any other.

MR. MOTO AND THE MEGAPLEXXX OF PORN
On a lark,after almost 10 years of marriage,Ann and I decided to go rent some adult DVD's a couple of weeks ago...this of course was after a few rounds at our hang out of choice.
We went to the "Adult MegapleXXX"...a cavernous building of the main interstate...a place we had both driven by many times in all our years in this city,but had never visited.
The place is set up like a top secret government complex...a metal detector on the only way in,another on the only way out.Parking is discreet...on the back side of the building.
Inside is a veritable treasure trove of all things "adult",and by adult I mean,well,you know what I mean.
I am no stranger to porn...the internet variety at least,but this place was something else...75,000 square feet of video,DVD, and print porn of every type you could imagine.
Toys of every shape and size,oils,lubes and some things I can't describe...they even had a bondage section...complete with the zippered mask "Machine" wore in 8mm.
It was a bit overwhelming but exciting at the same time.
We made our selections and it was time to set up our membership.Enter Mr.Moto...
This guy is your stereotypical japanese businessman...hair slicked back with gel (hell...it could of been astroglide),heavy black horn rim glasses...the only thing missing was the conservative suit.But his voice and demeanor was what got me.
If I closed my eyes,I was talking to "master" from the TV series Kung Fu! No kidding!
He was so...so...ZEN...very polite and professional,but "master" non the less.
I kept expecting him to say something along the lines of "when you can snatch ass masters 5 in 3-D from my hands it's time for you to go"...but he didn't.
As uncomfortable as I was being there ( a giddy kind of discomfort,like I was doing something wrong) Mr. Moto put me at ease with his zen like countenance and sent us on our way with a pair of DVD's.
Getting back to the store itself...It was busy.There were people of every age and color and station...it was like being at the grocery store...singles,couples...you name it.
I like to people watch (probably a vestige of my days as a social worker,but that's another story...not involving porn) and the thing I immediately noticed was people do not make eye contact...I tried.
You could best describe any contact as furtive glances...it wasn't like they were ashamed,it was more like they wished they were there alone,with no one else watching as they purchased the "Ragin' Hard-on" butt plug and the Jenna Jamison blow up doll...this is my business and my business alone kind of avoidance.
Sure,people were checkin' each other out,but on the sleuth...it was all very amusing to me.
So,we come home and watch our choices. I have seen very few porn movies in my life..save for the 10 second free clips available online when I'm alone...Deep Throat at bachelor parties when I was very young,a couple of really bad VHS movies with an old girlfriend, and one by accident at the old varsity theater on the drag when I was in high school.
I wasn't sure what it would be like to watch them with Ann, after almost 10 years of porn free marriage...I wasn't sure what to expect.
I was pleasantly surprised.
It was fucking hysterical!Yes...hysterical...beyond the technological advances made in moviemaking since Deep Throat came out, nothing has changed...the plotlines were laughable,the acting was horrible and the sex was occaisionally exciting and erotic and passionate,but mostly it was uninspired and reminded me of that guy that puts on tires at NTB...he's been doing it for so long he doesn't remember the first time he mounted a low profile radial on a aluminum mag rim and he doesn't care. He just wants to mount,get it over with,go home and get paid when he's finished.
We watched these DVD's like we watch any DVD...in our living room,and had the same kind of running dialog about any other movie we would watch.
But it's fun to critique this stuff,and it opens channels of communication in areas that people don't,as a rule,talk about.
Thank you Mr. Moto, for knocking down a barrier...and you were right...we didn't go blind:)

CHRISTMAS COMES AND GOES AND A NEW YEAR IS ALMOST UPON US... AND I HAVE LOST MY MIND
What did you get for christmas? Cool shit? Lame shit? No shit at all? I know of some people in Iraq that got death for christmas...a full metal merry christmas cap in their ass.
Death,dead,bleeding on the ground in some godforsaken place we have no business being in...can you imagine the water cooler banter after the holiday days off ? "What did you get for christmas"? " My son got his right cheek blown off and his left lower cranium was turned into a bloody boney brain tissue pulp courtesy of a "terrorist" in Tikrit with a AK-47,Thanks Santa". "Damn it!...I thought you were getting a new DVD player, gotta go check for faxes,see you later".
This may be a bit bleak for some of you...but come on.History tells us that in all previous wars,the killing took a break for christmas...it is a well documented fact that protaganists in conflicts past took christmas day off,singing carols and making hot chocolate in thier helmets over sterno or burning C-4 and gathering around a christmas wreath made from the body parts of the enemy they had killed the day before.Only to resume the killing at the stroke of midnight...is that santa in his sleigh?No...that's mortar fire!!!!Duck!!!
Not this time...no reprieve for santa to fly unfettered across the land in conflict to deliver his gifts of love and peace and joy...these guys are firing on his ass at every opportunity.why?
One word...muslim,no,wait...terrrorists...no,wait...two words,single minded...no,one...nationalist...no,crazy...YES!!!That's it! Crazy...what sane person wouldn't have the decency to stop lobbing salvos of death into your area for christmas? A ceasefire honoring the glory of the holiday that represents peace on earth and goodwill toward man...even though they will do all in their power to seperate you from your vital organs on the 26th...the 25th is sacrosanct...can't shoot at you while your'e reading that mail from Ms. Carter's 2nd grade class telling you what a hero you are for fighting the war on "terra",but tomorrow?Look out infidel...you are in the crosshairs...and it is my job to blow that memory out of the back of your head with a 7.62 mm slug.
And the administration behind this madness is spinning a tale...one that is pushing approval ratings up for the mongoloid in chief and feeding his already obscene war chest to levels approaching that of dear Mr.Creosote.
Which(kind of) brings me back to the point...the new year,an election year...where tradgedy has been spun to glorify what amounts to that redneck you hated in high school being elevated artificially to some kind of fucking god (I can't get through a post without using an f bomb no matter how I try:) ) with obscene amouts of money and fabricated press about how great he is because he's winning the war on terror....
No, he's not...there is no plan (except to make his rich cronies richer) to finish this, only more death...and heartbreak,overseas and here at home.
On a lighter note,I got a 50 dollar gift certificate to Best Buy for christmas and I have no family members in Iraq...I'm goin' DVD shopping!
With that attitude, it's no wonder they won't give up.
Would you?

THIS IS CHRISTMAS?UNFORTUNATELY,YES...IT IS
I've never been a big fan of christmas...well,not since the ever growing pool of groups and organizations have banded together to sanitize,polarize,convolute and otherwise fuck it up for everyone but themselves and thier own interests.
There's the commercial end of it, inundating us with ads that say,essentially,unless you can fork out the big bucks for everyone on your list,you suck.Case in point...the "I'm getting a lexus for christmas" commercial...please-anyone who can afford to give a lexus for christmas has way too much money and no fucking soul.It makes me sick.Anybody who wants a lexus for christmas is shallow beyond belief.
Throughout my life I have experienced christmas on the commercial level good and bad,some years I scored big time and some I didn't...depending on the money/job situation at the time...likewise,I have been able to give at christmas with the same variables at play.
I think we can all agree that christmas is a time of giving...the division comes when we try to define what giving actually means.Again,you are facing the two predominant faces of the season: "Jesus is the reason for the season" and "what did I get/give" (determined by your personality...do you base your worth on what people gave you or what you gave to them and how did it compare to what you gave/got?).
Now, while I'm not all about this Jesus guy,I'm also not about gift competition.
What does christmas mean to me? I'll tell you...fellowship...not in that churchy kind of fellowship,but the way you gather to be together with loved ones, share a meal and company and drinks(definately drinks :) ) and to exchange tokens of appreciation expressing your love of aformentioned people whether they be family or friends.But mostly to be together to remember and celebrate the fact that we are together because we are connected...and not because of a fucking lexus.
And with that I wish you all a merry christmas.....

A WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE
I met Ann at El Mercado after work today, a place we used to spend so much time we had our own booth and knew all the staff by name,socialized with them,went to the christmas party...blahblahblah.
We carried away some friendships from the place we continue to this day...they no longer work there and we haven't been in the place for probably 5 years.
After brief conversation of current events,we jumped into the way back machine and rehashed the events occuring during the time we frequented the place.
Memory is an interesting thing...as time goes by the stories remain essentially the same but the details are measured by time.The motives and conclusions are skewed to the experience and insight gained over almost ten years passing since it was our sanctuary.
It was fun to revisit those days...to look at how it was then to how we see it now...and it all boils down to the passing of time...how distance distorts the patina of events or adds a clarity you'd somehow overlooked when you were in the moment.
An opportunity to look back and TRY to remember what was important and why.
As I looked across the table at Ann and remembered the past, I was reminded of the decade I've spent with her...the ups and downs and mostly ups of our time together.
To look back at the tumult of past events and come to the present and see the same person sitting across from me is a source of great comfort...
A realization that we have built a life together...ten years in the making and it isn't over yet...we are still moving forward.
Together.
And that's all that matters...to share a past,present and future together without bullshit is a wonder.
A wonder I am happy to have.

DOWN IN A HOLE...
So...they captured Saddam...woo-hoo.Big fucking deal.Does this change things?Maybe,nominally.His capture is greatly overrated in terms of what it means regarding the "war" and our people who are dying over there...but right on the money in terms of "pull the wool" factor for Bush II.
As a nation of sheep, undoubtedly millions of americans have renewed respect and admiriation for the Bush "administration"...bolstering his chances to win another four years to really break it off in our collective rectums.
Our people will continue to be killed...and I suspect it will get worse for awhile. Saddam became insignificant when we blew his country to shit and killed his kids...let me say that again...we KILLED HIS KIDS...granted they were assholes,but they were still his kids...and I imagine he loved them,and thier deaths finished him spiritually. This effectively ended any chance of regaining power.
So...who is the real enemy? I imagine there are people loyal to Saddam,but they are unable to act in any sustained, meaningful way.It's all those other crazy fucks from the surrounding countries that have a large american presence in close proximity to bomb,kill and maim.That's who the real enemy is...muslim extremists who have a vested interest in nothing more than killing us...forget about Iraq and Afghanistan (remember Afghanistan?) it's all about "destroying the infidels".They haven't figured out how to hit us here at home (yet) again,but they take advantage of the fact that thousands of us are deployed in enemy territory like a duckhunt jihad.
Just like we would if the shoe was on the other foot.
Imagine what it would be like if it was them invading us here at home...there would be many pockets of resistance...loyalists to our standing government,militias sane and bent,racist extremists, and people already sick of being fucked around by our own government/economy just happy someone finally showed up they could shoot without fear of consequence. It would be an amalgam of variant national pride.
That's what were up against...a convoluted violent response with as many reasons and motives as there are groups to fire off rounds and blow shit up.
Saddam is the small plush toy you win at the carnival for hitting around the target,but missing the bullseye.
It's nice to feel like a winner,but it doesn't take long for the feeling to wear off.
This is not over by a long shot.

Ann's week in review
Nothing about the world/US/local news in this one since I don't watch it, listen to it or otherwise hold up my end of the democratic process by staying "informed" when it comes to the media. Why waste my time with that crap when I've got Rob to keep me up to date? He's far more engaging than Dan Rather and tailors my nightly "newscasts" to those topics he knows I'm interested in. And with Rob as my reporter, you certainly can't called me "sheltered" ;)

A chunk of my week was spent working on a website. *Insert plug: bookmyband.com* I'm no graphic artist and haven't received any artwork or graphics for the site so it's pretty plain and utilitarian at this point (much like this blog.) I also didn't get anything in the way of content and quite frankly, I'm not the marketing type either, so I did the best I could with the limited amount of information I was given. It's not a paying job so I don't know why I'm so obsessed about it, but I've never been one to be happy about doing something half-assed. And this is definately half-assed at this point. I was also disappointed to discovered I'd forgotten exactly how to do all kinds of things with CSS, MySQL and PHP. Basic HTML and fancy layouts using tables I can code in my sleep, but I guess I didn't use this newer stuff long to burn it into my brain before I ventured off into network administration. It was nothing that a few cheat sheets didn't take care of since I knew the basics of how to, just couldn't remember the details. Stuff along the lines of do I use <> or !==? Is it IF, THEN or just IF? Is it SORT BY or ORDER BY? That kind of thing. Very annoying. *kicks brain for remembering dumb stuff like Loverboy song lyrics instead of more important things like this*

I did make time for blog reading this week, but didn't get around to commenting on much. Rest assured, if you are over there in my blogroll, I DO read your blog. Regularly. Otherwise, you wouldn't be listed. Ignore the sort order. I was trying to put the news/politics blogs at the bottom, the people I feel I must read daily at the top and the middle sorted by how often someone tends to post in their blog. It didn't work out. I tend to work my way through the entire list a couple of times a week anyway so it doesn't really matter.

Other than that, I can't think of much else that happened this week. Special K once said that she learned there was no such thing as a boring life, but I think I might be the exception.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW...

...Twin baptist ministers get hard time (26 and 14 years) for beating the fuck out of a 12 year old with a tree branch for misbehaving in bible verse class. This Austin Texas case was interesting for a number of reasons,but what struck me was a couple of baptist zealots hired a jewish attorney and tried to put the blame on the parents...baptists hire a jew and lie...who'd of figured?...hey thompson twins...can you say "my ass hurts"? You will.....and you deserve it.

...Williamson county sheriff resigns before they go forward with a trial that would expose him to be the drunken buffoon he is...and a hypocrite.You DON'T want to get stopped for anything in wilco...they are the third reich of Texas,you do jail time for farting in public...to think that the head of law enforcement is a slovenly drunk who allegedly bit a titty dancer while crawling around on all fours and barking like a dog was enforcing the law in such a hardcore super right fashion while at the same time shooting at and hitting all time lows of behavior is ,to say the least,ironic.He should beat his ownself with a nightstick...good riddance you piece of nazi shit...

...Bush shuts out countries from rebuilding contracts in Iraq...then he asks them the next day to forgive Iraq's debt...Even I have enough sense to know this was done in reverse...you don't break up with someone and try to get in their pants after.How much more proof do we need that this bush guy is a dumbass?...

...People continued dying in Afghanistan and Iraq ... for no good reason...

...Al Sharpton is James Brown...

...I tried the "Queer eye for the straight guy" baseball cap brim in the coffee cup shaping trick and it worked...perfectly...thanks Carson!Hugs!!!...

...Ahnold decides he doesn't need to follow up on the claims he is groping sexist pig,like he "promised" he would,proving he is a lying piece of shit who could give a shit about anyone in khali-fornia but himself and his minions...

...Rush is still free and on the airwaves,proving the double standard that exists yet everyone ignores...(sidebar: I would like to kick his ass) further proof of how fucked we are when it comes to justice in this country...

...Gore endorses Dean and all the other democratic (lets all laugh together) "hopefuls" jump his shit...Lieberman especially...what a putz...hey...Gore can endorse who he wants, you bunch of losers...Two words:where's McCain?...

...Kerry drops the F-bomb...Good for him,and us...Bush has fucked it up...it's the truth and the truth hurts,don't go all puritan on him for speaking it...how about focusing on what a dillweed peckerwood we have running the country?...there's a concept...

...Our general manager is a "faux-cheese snob"...correcting me on the pronunciation of Gouda...he loves cheese,yes he does...

It goes on and on...for more go to harpers weekly review and god help us all....

THE BENEFITS OF MEMBERSHIP
I sent this email to my credit union today:

Dear UHCU,
I recently applied for a home equity loan in the amount of 50,000.00 against a free and clear equity of almost 123,000.00 and was declined,because of a poor credit rating (we were short five points of meeting your 640 points required to quote us a rate).
Our damaged credit is the direct result of todays economy...my wife has been unemployed for over a year and prior to that, I was unemployed for nine months.Given the choice of paying our creditors or having food,lights and a roof over our heads,we made a choice.And while that choice damaged our credit,we were able to pay off our home mortgage and managed to not default on the car loan we have with you.
To clarify,I wanted the loan to pay off our car loan,some outstanding bills,medical and personal and do a bit of remodeling on our home,reduce my monthly payment and get a better interest rate.
Please understand that I accept full responsibility for our credit situation,but I'm confused on a couple of points here.
I'm finally in a position to satisfy my debts and begin moving forward,but I'm told by your loan department that you have strict requirements on loans so you can offer your members the best rates available.I can appreciate this but at the same time WE are members.
My family has had an account with you for many years,probably close to 30 (our account # is 410).My wife has had an account with you for close to 20 years.
I wonder how much in interest and fees that adds up to?
So,here I sit with 123,000.00 in equity,attempting to turn the corner financially and get back on track using the financial institution I've trusted and done business with for years and you can't help me.
UHCU has been there for us in the past and even this experience,though very disappointing,was handled by your personnel with professionalism and courtesy.My faith was damaged,but not my dignity.
We will continue to pay our car loan in good faith until we secure a loan,and when we do, we will pay it off,close all of our accounts and sever our relationship with you.
Please understand that we have valued our relationship with you over the years and regret that you couldn't do something to help us in our time of need.
sincerely,
Rob Clattenburg



I probably won't get a response...but I had to say it.I am reduced to shopping around and so far,all I'm finding are brokers who come across like Tom Cruise's character in rainman,predatory lenders whose reviews read like a nightmare that I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
I'm discouraged by this because I can remember a time when banks and credit unions were willing to take a chance on people,ordinary, middle class people Who would turn down a chance like this? If for some reason I default they stand to gain 73000.00 in property!
I'm trying to improve my station,and the Bush economy won't let me.

WTF????

As usual, there are no presidential candidates that I want to vote for
Just tried the presidential candidate selector quiz mentioned over at Interrobang?!. I took it a couple of times, tweaking my priorities a bit trying to get at least one real candidate above the 70% mark. Dean eventually scored 71%. Meh.

New sign picture
Finally got a better picture of the "Diving is Dangerous" sign. If you've ever wondered what the fine print says, click on it (opens a new browser window.)

Ho Ho Ho
I haven't decorated my house yet, but I decorated my blog. Does that count?

email woes
The depthmarker email has been down for a while. This is one of those problems with outsourcing because if I'm not running the server then I don't think about checking to make sure things are working correctly. To make matters worse, I use a proxy filter between my email client and the servers so error messages from the servers are not always passed to the client correctly. "connection closed - 0 messages" should have read "hey dumbass, there's no mailserver for depthmarker here" (the mx record got changed to the same IP as the @ record.) So if you've tried to email me and got a delivery failure in the past, it should be fixed now. At least until the mystery glitch that hosed the DNS records occurs again.

My trip to 7-11
Rob and I are sitting around thinking how nice it would be to have some beer to wind down our Sunday evening so I head up to the 7-11 because the local corner store prices don't fit our budget and I figure a big chain like 7-11 will be cheaper. Was I ever wrong about that. $12.99 for a twelve pack of Shiner Bock? Jeez, it's not like the stuff is imported from France or anything; it's made right down the street (actually about 80 miles down the road, but in global terms that's just down the street.) So I'm shaking my head and thinking no way when suddenly the store is full of people that seem to be of the Pentecostal faith. I'm not dissin' the Pentecosts here, rather, it struck me as odd that I immediately jumped to a conclusion about their religious persuasion just by looking at them. Plus I noticed one of the young women's long hair had obviously had a trim and questioned my judgment which made me decide that I definitely had too much time on my hands to be wondering about such things in the first place. Maybe they are from some new religion that requires the women to wear long polyester skirts, but lets them trim their hair. I don't know, and quite frankly I don't give a hill of beans what religion someone practices unless it's one that tells them to kill me (I don't think too highly of people who belong to such groups, religious or otherwise.) So why was I even thinking about such things in the first place? Is it just human nature to categorize? Do we have some built-in instinct or need to put things and people in little boxes based on our first impressions? I've watched my parents get more and more judgmental as they get older and I fear I'm walking down the same path. Maybe it's the price of experience and you eventually get to the point where you decide that since 80% of the people you've ever met that looked or acted a certain way means that ALL people who look or act that way must fit into the same little box. I hope not. I definitely don't want to turn into the kind of person that makes those kind of snap judgments about people.

Vision is a strange thing
My vision started going south again about the time I turned 40. I say "again" because I had such a lazy eye when I was a kid that I wore an eye patch for a while and then wore glasses from the age of four to age thirteen. I was able to enjoy glasses-free vision for almost 30 years so I'm not going to complain too loudly about have to reach for the magnifying glass to read a great many things these days. No, what I'd like to complain about is... well, I don't know how to describe the phenomenon, but let me give you an example that just occurred. I'm sitting at my computer reading someone's blog and movement catches my eye and draws it to the window that is behind my monitor. It's dark outside and the window are dirty, but I can see a blurry version of the giant tree of lights that the neighbors across the street have erected in their front yard. The movement that caught my eye turns out to be a very small moth fluttering it's wings on my window. I have to squint a bit to figure this out since the moth is a dark colored one. This happens all the time. Every time a car drives by I notice it even though I'm staring at the computer screen and not out the window. My eyes might be glued to the screen, but still I notice people walking by, dogs running loose, the wind blowing a page of newspaper over the lawn, the leaves falling off the trees. If a spider crawls across the wall to the right of me, somehow I'll see it. People used to tell me I had eyes in the back of my head, but of course I don't. However, if you are trying to sneak up on me and move into my peripheral vision just one smidgen, then you're bound to get busted. So my complaint is that this aspect of my vision hasn't changed at all. In fact, it's worse because now I tend to stop, look, squint and think about what that blurry moving shape might be instead of just dismissing it outright. I guess I need to either get some glasses or move my computer away from the window.

Budget cuts
We're ditching the cell-phones next week and I'm trying to remember what life was like before I had a cell phone. I'll just have to learn to use our landline for something beside the internet connection and remember to always have change for the payphone when I'm out and about. We're also making a pile of musical equipment that we plan to sell off. We've decided the drums can go as can the Sovtek 100 watt head, the Vox cabinet, one of the PAs, and some of the studio recording equipment though I think we'll keep the DAT recorder for now so we can still listen to our DAT tapes. The list goes on but does not include any of Rob's guitars so if any of you lefties out there have had your eye on his G&L, forget it. And left-handed bass guitars are too hard to come by so I don't think I'll sell any of mine either. After all, a miracle could happen where someone actually hires me for a job that comes with a paycheck, but I think the odds of that happening are about as good as my winning the lottery these days. Fortunately it doesn't cost as much to apply for jobs as it does to buy lotto tickets so I can continue to spend my time filling out job applications and sending resumes to the black hole that appears to exists in every HR department in this town. I hope billy has better luck now that he's officially a job seeker.

In addition, Ornata Originals' crappy bCentral website has got to go and Depthmarker's doing a little fund-raising drive with the inventory. Donate $15 and get a short-sleeve tiedyed t-shirt or donate $20 and get a long-sleeve. Free shipping to US and Canada. Possibly free shipping elsewhere if I can make sense of the customs regulations and the postage doesn't cost more than the shirt. Let me know your size/color preferences or pick a shirt from one of the pictures I hope to post later (got to find a spot on the web to put them first.)

My blogging absence
I just posted out of the blue after a long absence and it occurred to me that an explanation might be in order. Well, first Rob started his rock-n-roll star series and I didn't want to interrupt that. Then I had a bout of illness. Nothing major, just a allergy that progressed to an ear infection, then added a sore throat, then added a upper and lower respiratory infection, which then moved on to a oh-my-god-I-think-I'm-dying-and-I-don't-have-health-insurance panic that lasted for a few moments until I remembered that 99% of all my doctors visits over the years have resulted in things that I could have done myself with a little common sense (bed rest, aspirin, etc.) and old family remedies. This time I managed to heal myself without spending a dime, imagine that! Well, I must confess that I did spend $7 for some homeopathic eardrops that turned out to be no better than plain old olive oil for an earache. Live and learn, but if you've ever had a major earache as an adult you will understand why babies scream when they have one and why adults run to the doctor if they have the money. For a cough (and I had a nasty one), I'm a big fan of Robitussin cough syrup (generic is fine too), but I don't think it's really any more effective than the old whiskey, lemon and honey recipe that was a family standard when I was a kid. It's just easier to grab the Robitussin while you are at the grocery store than it is to make a special trip to the booze store for Jack Daniels. Although, I find that my Robitussin has usually expired by the time I need it again and the Jack Daniels just gets better with age if you can resist the temptation to drink it when you are not sick ;->

I hate it when this happens!
Someone called and left a message on our answering machine. They were looking for me, but since Rob's voice is on the message, they just said "if were or are married to Ann, call me at [some phone number]". Rob punched the number into the phone while listening to the message, but got a fax or computer. Maybe he punched in the wrong number or maybe the person gave us the wrong number, but we'll never know because Rob didn't promptly push the save message button on the answering machine so the message is now gone forever unless I pay some forensic recovery place to un-erase it... argh! Have I mentioned before how much I hate our answering machine? Or, rather, how much our answering machine hates us since this incident was actually a rare example of the machine operating as programmed; normally it exhibits rather bizarre behavior that might be explained by voltage surges on our power lines or who knows what else like solar flares or poltergeists, but all the same, please, someone, give me a job so I can afford CallNotes again where a momentary lack of action on our part results in the message being SAVED rather than being ERASED.

MY DAY IN COURT...
I went to probate court yesterday as planned, and although the outcome was good,I am not impressed with the judicial system anymore than I was before this experience.
Apparently probate court is either focused on A: details and verbage of documents or B: emotional impact in the event of a lack of details and verbage (paperwork generated by the lawyers involved or the lack of a will).
I was witness to both extremes involving other parties as well as my own case...and I must say-I was not impressed.
My sister and I were asked the same questions four times in different contexts by my lawyer and the ad litum lawyer based on the fact that there were two wills.While I appreciate the attention to detail in regards to protecting the estate,keep in mind that the estate involves a run down house, from some unknown person suddenly making a claim to it...it was really kind of silly.
My sister and I were quizzed about declarations made by my parents of children they had without our knowledge, or persons unknown claiming to be children of my parents they had neglected to recognize,or I guess mention to us in passing..."oh,by the way...we had a baby in england that we forgot about and left at the airport and after 40 years in the Heathrow airport's lost and found, might want some payback".
These possible events were characterized as occurring at holidays, birthdays and other special events.(People really do watch too much television...specifically USA network, the WE,Oxygen and Court TV)
While it's funny now,when we were there in real time it was a stress exercise...There was the lawyers/judge conferences in the hall we were excluded from, my poor sister looking back at me when she couldn't remember details of our parents passing...come on!: were talking about almost 6 and 12 years since they passed and life goes on,but the reality here is your parents are gone,it doesn't matter when they died , they did,and that hole will stay with you forever regardless of your ability to recall the exact date your heart was broken.
The existance of the original will's that brought the procedings to a temporary grinding halt...we were litigating with copies,when I told the judge I had the originals at my house he demanded that I produce them but allowed the case to go forward pending reciept of the originals.I had almost screwed the pooch by telling the truth and shame on my lawyer for not knowing the originals vs. copies could be an issue.
The probate court clerks for being so anal retentive that when they fart,only dogs hear it...pretending they know more about the law than the lawyers (maybe they do) but,unable to work as a team (egos) the communication skills of the court are confused by this and while, obstensibly, these qualities should enhance the "smooth operation of the docket" they end up creating a situation I will refer to as "The docket is a clusterfuck,deal with it because we can't". This, they can enhance, and they do, in a manner that enhances violence in less controlled people and maybe crackheads.
But,in the end I got what I set out for...title to our home.
I believe it hinged on my "disinterested witnesses" responses of "yes" , "no" and "that's correct".:)
A bonus: the ad litum attorney only charged me 400.00 , leaving me with some cash that Ann and I spent on dinner and drinks at Maudie's and a 12 pack at the house where we listened to loud music,taking turns inflicting our favorite CD's on each other...
It was the most fun I've had in a long time...today seemed easier too, lighter...like a load has been lifted...(and,to quote the Band Cracker, the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't a train...ok....a paraphrase really - but you get the point).