YOUR SOCKS DON'T MATCH

I've got my morning routine down to fine science. I know how many times I can hit the snooze button and still get up in time to shower, dress and hit the road landing me at work with at least 10 minutes to spare depending on traffic. Several other things must be aligned on the same plane for this to happen. Clean clothes in the proper place is high on the list. This morning I had no clean jeans and my dirty ones were beyond the point of re-wearing, there were no clean shirts hanging in the closet, and there was one black sock in the dryer, hiding amongst the sleep pants and sweatshirts I had to dig through...this takes time! I'm on a schedule dammit...I've got five minutes to dress and hit the road...no time to waste! The first shirt I grabbed had a giant hole in the armpit...ok for weekend wear, but not for work. Holes are ok, providing they are small and work related, but this hole was big and age related.
Spinning narrowly close to a meltdown, Ann produced a pair of clean jeans...but they were 36's, which means I need to cinch, which meant I had to dig through the giant pile of dirty jeans on the floor of the bedroom and find my belt...tick-tick-tick...found it! Now, to match the sock...tick-tick-tick...ain't happening, find black and white speckled sock hiding in the corner of the drawer, it'll have to do. Tick-tick-tick. Grab Son Volt tour shirt from 96 and pull it on...no pocket, but it will have to do...Ghadammit! Times a wastin'!!! Finally, I'm all together and heading for the door, when evil mr. stomach gives a twist...DOUBLE ghadammit!!! Do an about face and wonder if there is such a thing as speed shitting...there isn't, not today anyway.BTW, have you ever taken a dump with a turtle staring at you? It's unsettling, trust me, especially considering that Times a wastin'!!! and there's the slowest animal on earth watching you do your business.Even in my near panic, the irony of that moment didn't escape me...
And my socks don't match...routine is sometimes illusion.
But I still got to work on time.