My top two real stories from internet tech support

Customer unable to get email. Account has not been setup in Outlook Express. Directed customer to account setup, but customer states she cannot read. However, customer can spell and was able to make it through the setup process. Customer now able to receive email. (Let's hope her friends/family are sending pictures.)

Customer states someone is hacking into her internet connection. Customer's computer is in the shop, but she hears the modem dialing and knows they are in her attic using her connection. Suggested customer change her password, but customer states she has done this before and they always know the new password because they are listening in on the phone when she changes it. Suggested customer call us from a more secure location, perhaps a payphone, to change her password. (Some folks really are nuts and there are times when it's best to just play along.)