The torture of "what if"
I can't help but play it through my mind. What if I DO get the job? I'm so glad the question didn't come up in the interviews as to my own thoughts about how I would perform because I have my doubts. I have to remind myself that I never thought I'd make it as a technical support rep, but I tried to do my best and improve my skills as much as possible and that seems to have worked out quite well. I suppose there's no reason I couldn't just do more of the same if I land the manager position. I can offer plenty of dedication and effort to a job, but past experience has taught me that's not always enough. But past experience has also taught me that you'll never know how you'll do until you actually try something. Now if this sounds like I'm doing a self-pep talk, that's because it is. I've got no shortage of people around me saying what a great job they think I could do, but it's the voice in my head that needs convincing and it's pretty stubborn. It likes to nag me that if I can't be perfect or the best then I shouldn't even bother or it will tell me I can't do it all. I've done an excellent job of thumbing my nose at that voice during my life, but it's been a constant battle. The interesting thing is that instead of that voice being a curse, it's actually been a blessing. Without it I would never have built a race car, switched careers several times, played bass in a band or a thousand other things I have dared to do. Because for a rebellious soul like me, having a voice whispering "you can't" is an extremely effective motivational tool. So tonight and the next day and the day after that I will wield my imaginary sword against that inner demon and I'll win many battles, but I'll never quite vanquish it completely. And that's quite okay with me since my enemy is also my friend.