FLEAS...HORNY,HORNY BASTARDS.

Since we had a relatively mild winter,the spring has brought us a large amount of bugs in general,but since we have dogs and the neighborhood is literally crawling with feral cats,we got fleas out the ass.
When our dogs go out,they bring the fleas in the house.Given the impossibility of counting how many they bring in,let's just say that given his body mass Theo brings in 2500 fleas.Out of those, 1250 are female.They jump off of him and into our bedroom floor,bedding and laundry baskets.Those bitches lay between 20 and 50 eggs a day.Just for arguments sake,I'll go with 20 a day.So that means on any given day there are 25000 eggs laid in our bedroom with a gestation period of 2 weeks.Conventional sprays kill the fleas but not the eggs.So,over a 14 day cycle there are 3/4 of a million (I'm guessing) of these little bastards occupying a 12 x 14 foot room and most of them on on the bed,or on the dogs.That sleep with us.On the bed.
Which,in part explains why I'm up at 1 in the fucking morning writing about fleas.
Theo likes to get in between us on the bed and rest his head and torso on my chest and shoulder...get the picture?
A kajillion fucking fleas leaping off his beautiful muzzle and reconnoitering my body.As he snores in blissful "I'm cuddling with dad sleep",in this sleep he frequently rolls over on his back,exposing his belly which carries the back up battalion of fleas that launch off of him,crawl all over us and spring under the bed to lay another kajillion eggs.Rinse and repeat.
Combine that with a full moon and I am one sleep deprived motherfucker.
I'm reminded of a D-Con commercial from the 70's featuring Ali,who says "There back in the walls...Hidin' and Breedin'"!In reference to fleas,and you know what?That brother was right.
And speaking of right did you see the repuglican debate tonight?God help us all.They are pathetic,and like the fleas in my house they are unwelcome vermin gnawing away at my sensibilities in a way that is unwelcome and most annoying.The only two viable nominees I see in this field (and by field I mean that park that burned down in Cali the other day)is McCain...the mwf one and the tthf one.He demures on weekends to have that goiter on his right cheek shunted and drained.
God I hate fucking fleas.