SKY MONKEY RUMINATIONS

I tried to read Acts and Luke, but all that bible writing style frightened and confused me. So I did a google search and found a very comprehensive overview here.
I remembered most of this from sunday
school, but over the years it apparently has been nuanced by my ever
increasing cynicism about the nature of man ( people basically suck).
So, the stoner
version is this...Jesus was a really cool dude who set out to find
people in need of his product (whether they knew it or not) and had a
posse of apostles helping him spread the word, which they did...all
over the place. Most people were cool with Jesus and his posse, but
there were some that were threatened by the message and the movement,
and in a show oftheir displeasure they betrayed him and nailed him to a
fucking cross for his trouble. And he still forgave them. If I had of been Jesus, I would have been shooting lightning bolts of gawd into those murderous bastards ( which is why I'm not Jesus ) Besides, I'm an
electrician, not a carpenter.
Jesus had the power to heal, and heal he did. A leper, a blind person, Linda Blair of the time and others.
I'm sure this supernatural ability, while greatly appreciated by those
healed, was even a bigger threat to his enemies.
And then he showed them by reanimating after 3 days. I don't know if you've seen what a mortal looks like 3 days dead, but that was some mean trick.
Jesus was a man that had
some great ideas about how we should treat each other. He had a
following of like minded individuals that spread those ideas
around...in fact, you still see them today, only instead of flowing
robes and beards anddonkeys, you have bicycles and white shirts and bad ties...and recently, tardo looking helmets.
But then we arrive at the sticky wicket that Jesus' dad is GOD, who lives
in the heavens and built the world in 7 days, well 6, cause after all
that hard work he needed a day to rest. I know that if I had created
the known universe and all of it's contents in 6 days, I would need a
day off too. But, Hey, if he's GOD he shouldn't need a day off, right?
Unless he's union, then we got rules.
And that's where me and organized religion split paths. If his dad was Jesus sr. and a master carpenter...well that's one thing, but omnipotent? I don't think so.
That's like me saying Optimus Prime was my old man...my dad ruled, but he was mortal.
I've got no problem with the bible as a historical record, it's a good read
(even in cliff note format) but that "magical" aspect of it makes it
kinda Star Wars, Ya know?
Plus, you've got all these factions...catholics, baptists, methodists,lutherans, pentecosts (the worst ever) , mormons, et al saying that they are right and everyone else is wrong and on a hellbound train. There's something wrong with that.
I agree with Popeyemoon, with one distinction. I wouldn't say luck, I would say- Karma.
I don't see how Luke or Acts has anything to do with me being electrocuted.
I did buy a zippo with Jesus on it yesterday, it makes my camels feel holy.
And speaking of holy and inspirational, here's a new comic:
Obama '08