Thursday, November 30, 2006

"HEY MAN...ROB...I'M STUCK...STUCK...DON'T MOVE THE LADDER...hang on a second."

This from the guy that fucked with me about my issues with heights...seems like everyone has limits when it comes to elevation. Can lights, spiral staircase, 35 feet, nothing to grab onto, top step of a 12 footer. So here he is, stuck at the top of a 12 footer, one hand braced on the wall, one hand holding the trim, STUCK. Inches away from a 35 foot fall. I say " do you want me to let go of the ladder and come around front and catch the trim to free up a hand"? NO...don't MOVE the ladder! And in the slowest motion I have ever seen, he "unstuck" himself and climbed on down saying "fuck it"."They don't pay me enough for this shit".
I guess I'm not the only one after all. I said nothing...He was right, I know about stuck. Frozen at fatal height. Very fucking scarey. That's a long way to land. Land being the operative word.
Even super Kevin has his limits, and I can respect that. With a grin.

THEY MOVED ME AGAIN

The work had slowed down at the last job, so my contractor only needed 1 crew so me and my journeyman got shipped off to sites that needed help. He went south and I went north. Just north of the river. To the holes in the ground and the semi finished building that will eventually be Westwood country club's new pro shop. (10 times the size of our home)
When I was working for the hellspawn pool and spa company, we redid the pool at the country club proper. Surprisingly, it still looks pretty good...from a distance. I hope to check it out more closely tomorrow.
The foreman on this job is a journeyman I worked with at UT a couple years ago, he's a good guy. The other IJ there is this guy Tiny ( surprise, he's not ) , I met him at a happy hour a couple of months ago and he has that kind of punk rock sensibility that makes for an easygoing "connected through the music scene" kind of connection. So, as far as personalities are concerned it's all good. And, well, it's electric work. Familiar tasks, different setting.
A word about westwood and it's members....$$$$$. Nuff said about that except...snazzy from top to bottom. It's kind of scarey installing fixtures that cost more than I make in a month.
I'll try to take some pics tomorrow.
My birthday present rolled in around midnight this morning in the form of our first cold snap, complete with rain and a bit of sleet. It was 37f when I arrived this morning, and still dark. I parked and my left front tire "found" our trench line, sinking halfway into the wet mud. I was stuck. But with an assist from my fellow electricians at lunch, I was soon free of the mire. I fucking love cold weather, rain or not...it's so much better than sweating in fucking november.
It's bowling tonight with Ann's work crowd. And tomorrow begins the real party, though I'm not sure what I want to do. Turning 47 seems to warrant a wake really, if I think about it. An IRISH wake!!! And if they have the greasy, cheesy bowling alley enchiladas, I might (gastronomically, anyway) start the (Q)wake early!

Monday, November 27, 2006

KRAMER RUINED IT FOR ALL OF US...

Even niggas apparently. Paul Mooney, a black comic, will forego using the "N word" in his routines. This will make him 25% less funny than the 50% funny he had. Russell Simmons, of def comedy jam and def poetry jam fame on HBO lamented, "That cracker really fucked me...now that my performers can't say "nigga", my shows will be 30 minutes long instead of an hour...fucking white devil. "I bet he's a jew...bastard" he further opined, before Diddy came into the room, where he said " Diddy! What up NIGGA...I mean strong black man with ties to gangtas an' shit" . "That just doesn't convey the essence of nigga...know what I'm sayin' man?" as he wiped the coke residue offa his nose.
Chris Rock and Eddie Murphy were unavailable for comment...phone calls to their agents only got a "nigga please" recorded message.
Bill Cosby was quoted as saying " I-buhh no-be like-be-niggabe stereotype-buh" then rolled his eyes in a step-n-fetch it manner, much to the glee of the 15 white people present.
Colin Powell presented a powerpoint presentation at the UN showing the devastating effects of the use of the term "Nigga", only to refute it hours later on BET saying " I was just clownin' ". "Condoleeza made me do that shit, man, she be puttin' th nigga down an shit". He continued. Dr. Rice was unavailable for comment, but a representative from her office said " Dubya treats her like a house nigga, and she likes dat shit".
Come on...it's a fucking word...Adopted by the very people it was meant to deride and nullified years ago.
Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have too much fucking time on they hands...Niggas!!!!!

POLITICS...SCHMOLITICS

I had some time over the thanksgiving break to peruse a number of blogs, both left and right leaning and have come to the following conclusion. ALL of us are completely and utterly full of shit.
Oh, sure, the shit is more twisted and vile from some than from others...that Malkin bitch gets serious craziness props, someone needs to hit her in the face with a sock full of woodscrews...
But I digress. NBC came out this morning with the proclamation that there is indeed a civil war going on in Iraq (DUH!). Apparently, they even backed this claim up with the definition of civil war (like we don't already know)...Here's the miriam-webster definition:
Main Entry: civil war
Function: noun
: a war between opposing groups of citizens of the same country

Pretty simple, huh? Hard to imagine that this has been a topic of hot debate...Sunni's and Shia's killing each other in growing numbers and ferocity, while using coalition troops to sight in the weapons.
I understand the white house reacted strongly to NBC's surprising exercise in clarity and denied that it's a civil war...big surprise there, and, oh yeah, fuck you white house.
Now, while our "great democratic coalition" may have yanked the cork out of the bottle, truth is, the cork has been leaky for years. The invasion provided them with an excuse to kill the fuck out of each other.And that's exactly what they're doing.
(Here comes my very own full of shit opinion ) And I say let them. Let's get the hell out of there as fast as we can and let those sunni and shia motherfuckers wage their war of attrition and genocide to their black little hearts content. Eventually, they'll kill enough of each other to realize the insanity of it all...I mean, there aren't enough morgues there as it is. When you have to walk to the market over a 5 foot pile of bodies, something has to give, right? It's their country after all.



Friday, November 24, 2006

THE CLEM AND JANE LEGACY

I am so self important and believe I am the funniest cartoonist alive that I bring you this... follow the links...enjoy.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, lucky 13

HOO-WHEE! and GOLL- DANG-IT Ya'll...

BACK TO PARCHMENT FARM

Hard to believe he's been in there for 28 days...and still no court appointed attorney. The law says you should have one ( if requested ) within 2 weeks of being incarcerated. One was requested. Seems to me this is a violation of his civil rights, unless "dubya" scratched that particular one out.
But more to the point, he's skinny...he's vacant looking, his spirit has dwindled...you can see it in his eyes. To say that it was a hard visit would diminish his situation, we, after all, are on the free side of the glass. I miss my friend...that's my only legitimate gripe. 6 more days to the hearing...may it pass quickly.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

DEJA VU ALA THIN LIZZY

I saw this tour at the Ritz in 85 with my buddy Mark Lovelace...it was the show where a baldheaded lesbian in black leather threw a cup of piss on Henry...it's in the book "get in the van".
Black Flag fucking rules.


Wednesday, November 22, 2006

HAPPY THANKSGIVING PILGRIMS

New comic...

DO THOSE ITCH RED FEATHER?

Seriously...enjoy the day with your loved ones, be safe.

THE DOGS POSTED THIS


Woof...

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

LIES FROM THE TABLECLOTH

...Snagged the new System of a Down CD (well...new to me anyway ) it fucking RULES.
Nuff said. "Feed us lies from the tablecloth"...what a lyric.
Just some random ramblings....

Yesterday, the sheetrock guys were cutting some fire resistant board about 5 feet away from me and my ladder...the rising stench was awful, yet familiar. By the end of the day, between that smell and the adhesive they were using I had a Casino scale headache. So this morning they were busily sawing away and it hit me...speed. It smelled like the speed we used to snort back in the day. ugh. And that fucking saw was killing me....high pitch grindy death to the ears ( like I need more hearing loss ). My foreman took pity and sent me upstairs to install can lights.The painters up there had thier radio on...tuned to" the river". That's a contemporary christian station. Every song sounds the same, praising the lord in the cheesiest lyrical way EVER. The lord may have claimed these artists souls, but he forgot to infuse them with the ability to write a song that is not the equivilent of a sharp kick to the testicles every 5 minutes. Suddenly, I was missing the saw noises and smells of past substance abuse.

I got an email back from my first girl...she'll be in town over christmas. Lunch! or something! I remember her mom once said of me: " The eyes are the window to the soul, and when I look in his eyes I see nothing ". Wow...How fucking wrong can a person be? Awww, she was probably just being a mom. Right? Right????

I went and wired in a junction box between a pond pump and the outlet for an old friend after work today, it reminded me of how much I like doing helpful things for people I care about, people in general really...but especially friends. I finally have a vocation that is a viable avocation, as opposed to that social worker gig...like people want advice from a junior psychologist. HA!

..."All you maggots smoking fags out there on santa monica boulevard...." " You should of never trusted Hollywood".
System of a Down.

Good night Irene :)

Monday, November 20, 2006

THE BLASTS JUST KEEP COMING...FROM THE PAST, THAT IS...

I've been all private investigator these last few weeks, organizing the Toody brunch coming up on the 9th. Finding and contacting folks I haven't seen or heard from in 25 or 30 years. While on the face of it, it's been cool. I found sister and she's coming. Outside of that, I found someone else through classmates. My first real girl. The first girl I ever "loved". And I loved her off and on through junior high and high school. I got that email "xxxxx xxxxxxxxxx has sent you an email! become a gold member now and read her email". Fine, classmates, you wore me down and if there was anyone I would pay to read an email...she's the one.
I ran into her once briefly in the mid 90's...a fleeting moment with no follow up.
I read, I replied. We'll see.
This has all kind of fucked with my head, I'm orchestrating a reunion of people who haven't seen each other in this particular configuration in 30 years. Will it go well or blow up in my face?
I'm calling in my karma on this one, to be sure.
Here's a comic to help illustrate.

CHANCE

Wow...

Thursday, November 16, 2006

THE CLOUD CEILINGS ARE COMING TOGETHER

I don't know if you've ever heard the expression "trying to fit 5 pounds of shit in a 2 pound bag" , but that's been our life on the job lately. There is so much other stuff above them...HVAC, fire suppression lines and our own feeder conduit, that it's been a real challenge to get the lighting in the way the owner wants it. It's directional recessed lighting designed to illuminate specific areas of the business. But, we are prevailing, albiet with many meetings with the "design team", owner and our foreman.
The crew that built this cloud ceiling amaze me in the way they can mold metal. It's nice to look at, but it's like trying to install lights in a maze of razor wire...my hands and arms are chewed up!
Behold...



(Click for a larger image)

Another view...



(Click for a larger image )

Nice work,eh?

THE RESTORATION OF HAGGARD CONTINUES

Enjoy.....

BUNS UP

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

BEENZ



Have no doubt...she is the queen of the pack.

WE'RE DOING IT AGAIN

Some of you may recall our brunch with Toody Byrd back in July. Well...once again we get to hold court with our most favorite mogur of all time on dec. 9th. The list of attendees has grown considerably and include sister and a few others I have'nt seen in almost 30 years. This time I'm bringing the camera and I'll remembr to use it!
As cowboy clem would say...HOO-WHEE!!!!

NEW COMICS

INNER CITY MATH

INNER CITY MATH...2

Saturday, November 11, 2006

I BEEN OUT TO PARCHMENT FARM

I went to see a friend out in Del Valle county jail tonight. I went with a friend in common...it was some hard shit. We thought it would be a contact visit, but no, it was through the glass on a phone.It was difficult on so many levels...first and foremost, we were the only white people there...the waiting room was full of people of color, I'm sorry to say the shallow end of the gene pool
there to see the drain scraps of a father,son,brother reduced to a grey and black striped uniform (at least the colors rock).
I was glad to see him.But it made me sad.For him, his family and everyone else there...except us, we got to drive away.
This time.
I don't wanna go to Parchment farm no more.
Till next week anyway.

Friday, November 10, 2006

TED HAGGARD TO BE "RESTORED"

What is he? A 66 camaro? I've never heard of this "restoration" process ever in my life. Pillar of salt, yeah...the trials of job...with you there...Restored??? Come on.
Here's a comic that pretty much sums it up.
These people make me sick.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

PORN IS FUNNY AFTER ALL

You know, I don't spend alot of time surfing porn...but when I do, it's at free sites. Some of the link descriptions are howlingly funny,and I've often thought to myself,"self, you should make fun of this shit someday".
Well...someday has passed me by.Those fine upstanding folks at Somethingawful.com have been running a column called " the horrors of pornography" for a while now. But this time they have outdone themselves...
Enjoy...

laugh like you have never laughed before,provided you surf porn every once and a while

Probably not safe for work...not graphic, just suggestive.


ASTONISHED-NEGRO-BUS.COM

FIVE QUESTIONS WITH RICCO SUAVE...INMATE # 121519518


(click for the full effect)


Q1: Ricco, you are the leader of a notorious gang,feared and respected...I'm curious...why the "fuck you" eyebrows?Are they real of fake?
Ricco: They real biotch! You think they ain't?My babies mama's third cousin from a white dude who chipped my mama's sister gave me these on my homies couch while I was sleepin'.
Q2: Sleeping???
Ricco: Why you sweatin' me skill?...OK...I was passed out at a party and my homies thought it would be like, funny or sumpin' to give me a tat.
Q3:So what you're saying is your "fuck you" eyebrow tat was a joke...did you see the humor in it?
Ricco: After I dusted that motherfucker,yeah...then it was kinda funny, like BLAM! you tattooed my face but I blew yours up biotch! Funny like that, ya know/
Q4:So you killed the person who tattooed your eyebrows?
Ricco: Sure as we're sittin' here...(smug look)
Q5: Any benefits to having "fuck you" tattooed on your eyebrows?
Ricco: It adds tremendously to my ability to mad dog the white boys when I'm in jail.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

HOW ABOUT THAT?

Jumping for joy...the house is ours! Somehow the traffic around the job seemed less pretentious and stuck up. The world had unclenched.
hhoooooooooooo.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

IT COULD BE A VERY DIFFERENT AMERICA TOMORROW...MAYBE.CROSS YOUR FINGERS.

I will direct you to a new addition to our blogroll...crooksandliars.com who are doing a very good job of posting results as they trickle in.
It's my job to pontificate and bloviate about these assholes running our country, and I'm happy to do that. So here goes.
I was in high school when Nixon fucked himself and it was my first "hello???" that the people we elected to run the country didn't give a shit about us or the country as much as they gave a shit about power and personal gain. It's only gotten worse since then. I don't care which party has been in control from Nixon til now, they have both been plagued with scandals, real or manufactured by the opposing party. But scandals nonetheless. Trying to make each other look bad...let's see- Ford pardoned Nixon. Carter botched a rescue mission and fucked some women in his head or as he put it, "Lusted in mah heart" to Rolling Stone. Reagan...can you say Iran-Contra and alzhiemers at the same time? Me neither, but he could and did. This was the turning point for me. I was radicalized. I had lost my respect for the government of this country and the increasingly corrupt and self centered "gangs" running it. You know...turf,money,product.
Then you have the man responsible for providing the seed that has us where we are today...Check this name: George Herbert Walker Bush. So more Iran-Contra, that sock monkey of a VP, Quayle,the first gulf war ( which my dad would've called a "DRY HUMP" ...as in unsatisfactory re: conclusion) Here's the first blatant oil connection as he changed the sheets and got in bed with Saudi Arabia...the oil stains were the same,just bigger. Kissinger reels in and out of this freakshow, shaking blood off his hands.
Then it's Clinton...what a presidency...He did amazing things. Paid off the debt...surplus...record shit for the economy.Diplomacy. What a president...But he's still a weasel. God love him...he's a weasel. Why? Because he's a politician. Albiet, one who had/has the right idea about how to run a country. But he is most remembered for what? A blow job. Well, actually, the end result of a blow job, a small amount that ended up on a dress. Where do you think the rest of it ended up? I know where. Think about it for a minute, you are the president of the US of motherfucking A, things are going well all around, you got this chubby but hot intern breathing down your crotch. A blowwie in the OVAL FUCKING OFFICE????What would YOU do?Be honest now...your pushing 50 and this 20-something intern wants to smoke you? Please.
I once bent this chick over on a caseworkers desk on a nightwatch shift at a treatment center and fucked her lights out...No clients died. Sure, it was inappropriate, but it was SEX. I didn't invade a country and cause the deaths of over 2800 americans in the name of oil profits...not to mention the hundreds of thousands of "indigenous personnel". I just fucked a chick...not a country, not a system, not an ideology, and certainly not a reputation.The trackmarks on the caseworkers desk top calander bore testament to my lack of concern for "reputation" at that time, which brings me back to Clinton. He wasn't thinking of consequences...it was his first BJ in years!!! HOO-WEE!!!
Which leads me to the asshat currently in charge.
LIAR...CRIMINAL...SADIST...HYPOCRITE.
George W. Bush and everyone even remotely connected to him or his party.
Cross your fingers-hold your breath-may this kick you from your sleep.

Monday, November 06, 2006

HOO-WHEE!!!MIDTERMS!

NEW COMIC

Q&A WITH HIMMLER*

*Not his real name

(click on the pic to get the erm...full effect)

Th' Rev: Mr. Himmler...Please explain the platform of the aryan nation.
Himmler: WHITE POWER!!! It's that simple Rev...we have to get over on the mud people and the jews and preserve our god given right to be white and proud. WHITE POWER!!! RAHOWA!!! SKREWDRIVER RULES!!!
Th' Rev: Our research indicates that you are a convicted felon...a criminal. How is that a demonstration of pride for the caucasion race?
Himmler:WHITE POWER!!! It's all the mud people and jews fault that the white man has been beat down, what with all the mixing of races, I mean, just look at eminem and k-fed, what more proof do you need???WHITE POWER!!! Send em all back to affica and jewland!!! RAHOWA!!! If those darkies had'nt started sellin' the crack and the meth, I wouldn't be in here right now. WHITE POWER!!!
Th' Rev:What is your level of education? Did you graduate high school or recieve your GED?
Himmler: WHITE POWER!!!! GED?!?! Fuck that man! I gots me a GAD...Graduate in Aryan Discipline! WHITE POWER!!!!
Th' Rev: Why are you so heavily tattooed?
Himmler: WHITE POWER!!! It shows I'm down with the brotherhood and intimidates all the monkey's in here. WHITE POWER!!!
Th' Rev: Is it effective?
Himmler: WHITE POWER!!! No, not really, sometimes I wonder if the older brothers are fucking with me about the tats...but hey...WHITE POWER!!! PRIDE!!! RAHOWA!!!!
Th' Rev: One final question...Is Jolene your girl on the outside?
Himmler: WHITE POWER!!!! No...it's this black dude up on C block...speakin' of, I gotta go bring him his cigarettes see ya' WHITE POWER!!!
Th' Rev: OK...Thanks Himmler, for that insight into your cause...Goodnight america! Until next time.....

ASK BOBBY PAINTHEAD



Dear Bobby,
I notice that your picture has your mouth covered in GOLD spray paint. Was that a one time deal? I like silver myself, but my homies tease me an' shit sayin' silver's for da bitches an dat makes
me a bitch. Please give me the 411 on paint color!
Keep on Huffin'!!!
Raj in Racine

Raaaaaaajjjjjjjjj-umph!
Dis here goal pent in mah chins is da shit man! Snurf!Hack!wheeze! Trueliously do, keep on the bag for as long as me is an' you wone gib a shit what color you be huffin'.Blarrrghhhhhhhh!
Umph!
Bobby

Sunday, November 05, 2006

CELTIC FAN...MORE HAGGARD

Went to the celtic fest today...pretty cool. Also had a nice brunch and after all that watched "A history of violence"...excellent film.
Later on I went shopping for work clothes and scored.
I wanted some chain mail, but they didn't have my size...:)

New one...

PASTOR HAGGARD TELLS ALL

Saturday, November 04, 2006

WE LOVE OUR DOGGIES

I went to target to replace the spoon and spatula sullivan chewed up last weekend...I ended up with spoon,slotted spoon, ladel and spatula...then I saw THIS:



At 10 bucks I could not resist...cookie jar o' treats...they already know where it is.

Friday, November 03, 2006

HOW UHH...STUPID DOES THE REVEREND TED HAGGARD THINK WE ARE?

He admits to calling a gay prostitute for a "massage", scoring speed from him but he threw it away and did'nt have sex with him.
Ok...a massage is geared toward relaxing...speed is decidedly not...so I must draw the conclusion that what really happened was:
He called this gay prostitute,did some speed with him and they sucked each others cocks, repeatedly over a three year period.

Haggard also denies ever doing drugs..."Not even in high school" was the quote.
Please...What an idiot.

This infidel was the leader of one of the largest evangelical organizations in america...some 30 million members strong and a vocal (read : hateful ) opponent to gay rights/marriage.
Based out of the church of the hopelessly blind in Colorado Springs, this asshole held court to the core of the Bush cheerleading squad of idjits and igmorammesuses as bugs would say.
You want to know what's wrong with america?
Take a look at this two faced piece of shit and then file him away with Foley,Ney,Abramoff, the sitting administration and the ever growing list of fallen players connected to them and the crime wave they have been perpetrating on us since Bush took office.
They are undoing themselves before god and everybody.
And I'm loving every fucking minute.
I leave you with this new comic...

THE REVEREND HAGGARD TELLS ALL

They deserve our revulsion and rejection...VOTE for change!




Thursday, November 02, 2006

HEAD INJURIES RULE!

NEW COMIC
Speaking of head injuries...I woke up with one of those sinus infections that make your teeth hurt...MEH.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

NEW COMIC

That's it...I'm beat!

HOLLYWOOD

Work - much the same, yet different
Being sick this last week has put an interesting spin on things at work. I actually missed a day of work last Thursday (the first absence I've had in over a year) because I couldn't muster the energy to put on clothes and walk out the door. Apparently a 101 degree fever can do that to a person. I did go to work the next day, still sick, but able to get dressed and make it to the workplace. Rinse and repeat for the rest of this new six day work week requirement, but there's been none of this extra working from home that I used to do. Every ounce of my energy has been consumed just trying to make it through the day at the office so when I get home, I pretty much just slug down some TheraFlu and go back to bed. The good news is that today I'm finally feeling a bit better and may actually stay up for a few hours. The better news is that I had a lot of time to think while I spent all that time laying in bed and realized that if I can't get it all done in a six day work week, then they can just fire me and find someone else who can. I'm no longer willing to work those long hours just to hang on to this crappy job. I've never been fired from a job for poor job performance before, but it certainly wouldn't be the end of the world if it happens.