THANK "GOD" FOR THAT MOMENT OF CLARITY

One of the things that I like about AA is it's professed understanding of god...god being whatever you understand him as. He can be a rock or a shiney silver thing that the crows like, whatever. What bothers me is most of the meetings I've gone to close with the lord's prayer. This is clearly a contradiction, or at the very least, individual AA groups that have settled on the traditional understanding of god in a most conventional christian sense. Organized religion. You know, those hypocrites of christ that like a little oral or anal with the faithful. I am no friend of organized religion...In fact there were some disturbing numbers out of Ireland today about how many of the clergy there were fucking the flock. It's obscene.
If my god manifests himself in the form of a field of Indian paintbrushes, why should I feel compelled to hold hands with you and recite "our father, who art in heaven..." and all that shit?
No sir, I don't like it.
As far as I'm concerned, god can keep his god shit to himself. I'm looking for answers, and in 46 years of living he never helped me, so piss off organized religion.
I have my own understanding of god, the one that accepted him before humanity signed him to a contract and proceeded to market him into the walmart of salvation that he is to the world at large. Not for me.
And then there's the AA book...the "big book". The one with the 12 steps and the 12 traditions, the bible of 12 stepping drunks everywhere. I'm not into that kind of rigid structure . It takes more than 12 steps to get to the place I'm in, and I'm not going to make amends ( #9) with people who have done shitty things to me in such a structured way. I can let things go, but I'm not gonna put a ribbon on it and guilt trip you at the same time.
Part of my problem is that I have been on the inside of this shit by virtue of my time in the psych field. I have sat in groups and praised the virtues of sobriety over and over again, then headed out to the bar or the party after my shift, feeling sure that they were the weak ones and my life was under control.
Sure...hypocrite you say? maybe. Realist? More likely than not.
The last meeting I went to was pretty god free, and the god references were geared toward problems with the god thing. The meeting ended with the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I can deal with that...A purist would say that I'm just in denial. Fuck that, I don't want to argue about the existance of god, I just want to be sober.
Or, more to the point, less of a drunk, if I even am one.
Maybe I'm just depressed.
Now that's just "stinkin' thinkin'"...
Than you Al Franken.
:)