SOME SAYINGS THAT ANNOY ME

-When life gives you lemons...make lemonade!
Should be:
-When life gives you lemons...put them in the freezer overnight and then throw them at life as hard as you can.

-Who moved my cheese?
should be:
-The next micro - managing manager that changes my job description without telling me will get the beatdown of a friggin' lifetime.

-What color is your parachute?
should be:
-What color is your outsourced replacement?

-I'm lovin' it!
should be:
-I'm having a quadruple bypass!

-Women are from venus-Men are from mars.
should be:
-I'm not gettin' any.

-Pull your own strings!
should be:
-Oh no you didn't! ( with forceful removal of own earrings and shoes for effect )

-Are you better off now than you were four years ago?
should be:
-How's the job search coming, middle class?