WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT WHITE TRASH COUPLE AT 3302?

Oh! They finally did something about the yard!
That's right folks...I went and got me some gas and some 2 cycle oil early this morning and tackled the Cambodian jungle of So. Austin. I figured I'd be at it all day, but it only took a about 3 hours to chop everything down, put it in a nice neat pile and bag up two piles of crap left over from the remodel.
The rest of the day has been admiration day...Enough about that.

I like to make soup. I don't make it like most folks ( or maybe I do )...here's the latest experiment:
6 cups water
1 whole onion sliced and diced
1/4 head of cabbage sliced and diced
3 carrots sliced and diced
6 cloves of garlic smashed into chunks
1/4 lb each, ground pork and cubed pork...the latter flash fried in teriyaki w/ roasted garlic.
salt,pepper,celery salt, seasoning salt and black pepper to taste
cook the shit out of it.
That was yesterday.
Today I added:
rosemary
some more pepper
ramen noodles
who knows what will come tomorrow, but I will continue to tweak and add for days.
I know, my life is a veritable thrill ride....
Happy halloween.
Don't forget to vote....

SKINNY ASS WIGGA MAKES GOOD

I always thought he was smart...but this floored me. I've been too busy watching it to post the link until now...go see: Eminem : Mosh.

[Listening to: Down Rodeo - Rage Against the Machine - Evil Empire (5:20)]

STONED GUY WITH A SKINK ON HIS HEAD

Greetings dear readers...here we are on another thursday and the the old mail bag is empty again...huh?what?? It's Friday?!? , dude...that hydro totally kicked my ass on...uh...ummm...whatever day that was that...uh...whats-his-name? Oh yeah! Bobo! He came by and smoked my ass out! He's fucking cool man, but not as cool as these skinks on my head...what??? There's only one up there? Fuckin' hydro. Anyway...My old lady asked me what I thought about the eclipse the other night.

Well, when it first came out, I thought it was bogus man...just another car trying to steal the 240z's thunder. I mean, there's only one jap sports car and it's the 240-fuckin'-Z man, am I right or what? I think it was made by datsun or maybe nissan, I not sure, but it totally rocked either way. Watching one zip down the road gave me a totally fenilli...uh...felima...uh...it was cool, trust me. And then the eclipse came out and they had this commercial with a chick in a gangster hat like totally having a seizure, I guess driving by those street lights so fast triggered it...and I thought any car that can go fast enough to cause a chick to spazz must be dangerous and I wondered where the fuck Nader was on this issue, cause I'm still trying to decide who to vote for. And after awhile, I decided a car that could induce fits because it hauled ass was actually pretty cool...but the chick still totally looked like a dork, I mean, I know she was having a seizure and all, but...huh? Lunar eclipse??? Oh man...fucking hydro...no, I did'nt see it. Did it rock? Not as much as this skink on head I'm guessing. Oh wow...Bobo's here! See ya!

OH NO! NOT ANOTHER LIST OF RECORDS

Well, yes, I'm afraid it is. I was over at suburban blight earlier, and she listed her personal top ten records. Now, we've done" records you should listen to before you die" and "artists who should've died before they made that record"...I wonder how this one shakes out in comparison to the former? Break it up however you want timeline wise, but limit it to ten if you can.
Mine is divided by two...high school and post high school...5 each

High School :

1. ZZ Top : Rio Grande Mud...It's got "Just got paid" on it, probably the most inspiring guitar hook I ever heard.
2. Mountain : Nantucket Sleighride...Another guitar monster of the 70's, plus the album was a gatefold, came in handy for rolling joints :), It also came with a booklet of hand printed lyrics and hippified drawings by Felix Pappalardi's girlfriend who ended up killing him in the 80's...so much for peace and love, huh? Amazing drums too.And 8x10 B&W promo pictures of the band. I still have it...somewhere.
3. Deep Purple : Machine Head...Music for potheads..."pictures of home" is still a favorite.
4. Uriah Heep : Demons and Wizards and Live (tie)...More music for potheads..."The Wizard" lyrics cemented my hippy peace and love attitude.
5. Black Sabbath : The whole catalog up to and including "Technical Ecstasy"...Man,I loved that band! But if I had to choose one, it would be Vol. 4...

What made these records so special was that it was what we (being my circle of friends) were all listening to and how it defined our view of the world and drew us together back in those days. In my senior year ('77), I discovered punk...Ramones first, then the Pistols and then...wow... which brings us to post high school....

1. Subhumans : From the cradle to the grave...side one is a collection of my anger and dissatisfaction, nicely served in short bursts of crazy melody and spot on lyrics...side two is a punk opera ( don't be fooled into thinking green day's "american idiot" is a first) about the birth, life and death of a working class brit...and it's genius.
2. Black Flag : Damaged...the original cover says it all...powerful stuff.
3. Gang of Four : Solid Gold...More politics and social commentary that resonated.
4. Neil Young : Decade...He should be on both halves of this list really, but decade took me back and forth to colorado more than once..."waiting to fly" is one of my all time favorite songs.
5. Squeeze : Argy Bargy...It was a happy time, and it reminds of that.

And that's before I was 30! I've got 14 years left to sift through...and there's alot of sifting to be done. If I sat down to do this again in a week, I assure you this list would change. But there you have it...for now, my 10 favorite records.

[Listening to: No Dark Things - Echo & the Bunnymen - Heaven Up Here (4:27)]

WELL, WE TRIED

This morning, he was alert and responsive. When I called to check on him at lunch, he was moving around a bit. When I got home at 5, He was dead. It may seem odd to some of you for a person to have such attachment ( I have been given many puzzled looks from people ) to turtles...but it's much more than that. Sure, I have always had an affinity to them, but it's also about rescue, and conservation and preservation to what is , in my opinion, a noble, ancient member of the chain. But, because of the woman who initially rescued him and did the research needed to get his shell patched and find my website , Cracker had a quality of life he wouldn't of had otherwise...and that's something to be proud of, innit? So, I entombed his remains, poured some of my 40 on the ground and toasted my lost homie (just kidding about the homie part).He will be missed.

[Listening to: Life Is a Long Song - Jethro Tull - 20 Years of Jethro Tull (3 of 3) (3:18)]

UPDATE...IT WOULD APPEAR THE WORM IS STARTING TO TURN

Cracker made it through the night, and after dropping me off at work, Ann dropped him off at our vet. It was a very long day. Ann picked me up after work and we went to the vet. He had done surgery to remove the bone extruding, stitched up the stub and gave him injections of antibiotic and fluids...we have to go back thursday for another shot and to pick up a final dose for me to administer 72 hours after that. he survived the injury, the surgery and now the only hurdle is recovering from the ketamine/gas used to put him under. Still in the woods, but much closer to the meadow than 24hrs. ago.
I am fortunate to have gone to high school with my vet, additionally, he like turtles too (as a hobbyist). So, the tab for this minature yet major surgery ? 50 dollars...and a cigarette.Reminder one that we are blessed. Looking at him (Cracker...not the vet,sillies!) so totally stoned makes me wonder why dumbass ravers would even consider ketamine as a recreational drug. But that's another entry for another time.
While Ann was at her folks house last night getting an outfit laundered and ironed for a job interview, they gave her a gift card to a local grocery as a "belated" birthday present. Reminder two. This was awesome timing on two levels...our monthly expenses exceed my income, there is no wiggle room right now...our wiggle room is called the pawn shop, or E-Bay, or both.We used it tonight, and bought real beer and right at the poverty level quality food...and dog food. Why did we splurge on real beer and poverty level food? Ann got the job!!! HOORAY JOB! Reminder three.
When we got home, my neighbor was outside piddling around as usual, and we struck up a conversation about the horrible white trash condition of our lawn.(This causes me great shame BTW) I have been unable to defeat the ever recurring mulberries, and that god damn mimosa tree has started to gain a foothold again as well. You might recall, my lawnmower died recently, so, I was explaining to my neighbor that I was borrowing a weed eater from a coworker tomorrow, and could I borrow his lawnmower this weekend after the weed eating was complete. He did me one better and led me to the myriad of locked sheds in his backyard to loan me a weed eater with a metal blade like a circular saw...YES! He started to unlock one of the sheds, stopped for a moment, then went to another and produced a Stihl weed eater and a length of heavy duty line and said " Why don't you just hang on to this one till you don't need it anymore...here's some extra heavy duty line if you need it" Reminder four.
Now, I realize he siezed the opportunity to rid himself of the eyesore that is my yard...but it was still very nice of him to loan me a tool for as long as I needed.
In our small talk, Cracker came up, and I asked him if he had noticed any racoons snooping about. "Oh yeah" he proclaimed..."all the time, right back here" Indicating the area of Cracker's pen, and then shared the tale of one in one of his sheds that scared the shit out of him.Reminder five( Now I know how to respond...hehhehheh) Remember, I am a good shot.
I have officially moved up from sense of impending dread to sense of lingering worry.
WOOHOO!!!

[Listening to: In For The Kill - Budgie - The Definitive Anthology (6:27)]

DISTURBING DISCOVERY

I was checking on the turtles this evening and discovered Cracker's left front foot was, uh....gone, actually, his whole fucking leg is gone. That's the bad news. I checked on and accounted for all the others and moved them to a secure area...no other casualties.
I brought him in the house and gave him a soak in some fresh, lukewarm water for a few minutes, while he was initially unresponsive, he soon started exploring his new surroundings, sticking his nose up and looking around. I chopped up some yellow squash and mixed it with the magic stinky cat food...he's eating it. A very good sign.
So...what could have taken off Cracker's leg? It's a very short list beginning with a racoon (not likely, cause he is still with us) and moving to neighborhood cat (it's possible) down to rat (not likely in that big of a pen)
and finally...male turtles fighting. My money is on the latter, but he has been the dominant male since he bit off Big A's tail ( as it turned out, a fatal injury) and the only other males in the pen are old dudes.
It could have been one of the girls,grown tired of his seemingly endless libido. I'm stumped (no pun intended).
Now, Cracker has a history. He came to the name Cracker as a result of being hit by a car, and having his under carriage held in place by marine grade fiberglas...this is how he came to me, several years ago.He healed and the last remnants of fiberglas fell off last year, revealing a healed, but somewhat "rearranged" plastron hinge.He has those blazing red eyes...even now, with such a trauma to deal with.And, he's eating.
Even though we are poor with a capitol PO', he will go to my vet tomorrow for antibiotics and a shot of fluids...as I am out of both.
You know...he's been a survivor to this point, I'm thinking good thoughts. You guys too, ok?

[Listening to: Guiding Light - Television - Marquee Moon (5:35)]

AFTERMATH

The party was fun...good folks, good food and a good time. The music was good, but Van was a bit of a dick when I finally worked up the courage to go introduce myself and give him props. I have to cut him some slack though, because he's probably endured all manner of fan weirdness over the years, but come on...this was a back yard in south austin, not the fucking met...oh well. At least I got to say what a blast I had seeing him at the dillo all those years ago( maybe it was the word "teenager" ) before he shined me on.
I brought a small bottle of jager to share with the guest of honor, and we pounded it down in short time...this would prove to be a mistake for me since I haven't had jager in any amount in several months. To make matters worse, Wolfie took the empty bottle and filled it with vodka..."jager flavored vodka" he proclaimed as we hit the bottle. ( it seemed like a good idea at the time).
All in all, it was fun...but a bit fuzzy towards the end. Ann drove us home and I went straight to bed.
When I woke up this morning, I recalled the conversations of the night before, and most of them revolved around reminices of the past and how we are all falling apart in our old age...failing vision,bad bones, aches and pains. It was the group realization version of if we had known we were gonna live this long we would have taken better care of ourselves.
And then it hit me...I am (almost) middle aged. Damn! Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday that I was hanging out in the clubs, with nary a worry in the world.
Today, it is a world rife with worry and uncertainty.
I'm thinking this is somehow, someway, backwards. I'm not ready for this sort of thing (indeed).

[Listening to: Anna Begins - Counting Crows - August & Everything After (4:31)]

OUR FIRST 'LECTRICIAN PARTY...

One of the journeymen I work with is having a birthday party tonight, and we've been invited. Were going. Usually we would just hang at the house, but this is different. Me and Ann and this journeyman have a shared past of old south austin, the armadillo and rock and roll...(Van Wilks is playing there for crying out loud!...Van was a staple at the dillo when I was in high school-and birthday boy used to be a roadie for him...or something like a roadie).Plus, it's a SOUTH Austin deal. Anyhoo...it's our first foray into the social circle of the guys I work with outside of my boss. Should be fun.
I'll let ya know...

[Listening to: Loco - Coal Chamber - Coal Chamber (4:14)]

STONED GUY WITH A SKINK ON HIS HEAD

Hey man...the ol' mailbox was empty like munchies on kind bud and the only thing in the house is like some weird lookin' serrano peppers and some three year old ramen in the back of the pantry. But no matter! I have a question for me....
Dear Me...
Like...what's the deal with first ladies anyway?
Love, Me

Dear Me...
Just like that rubenesque debbil girl sticker on the back of your nissan pick up, first ladies make, like a statement about who you...uh...are in relation to the kind of, uh, dude, I mean pResident you are...or something like that...uh...let's just focus on the first ladies, ok?
The big news in this current election today is "tearezza" Hienz-Kerry (first lady wanna-be) wondered if Laura "Pickles" Bush (current first lady) ever had a "real job". Unless you live under a rock, you know that Pickles was a moonshine runner in west texas back in the day and killed her boyfriend with her moonshine runnin' car evading the "revenooer man"...seriously, she was a teacher and a librarian for like 9 years, but that moonshine riff just cracks my shit up.
Nine years as a public servant...can you imagine being in a human services job for nine long years??? When I think about it...the future first lady toiling away in elementary classrooms and the chaos that is a library, it makes my twenty years working in psych hospitals and treatment centers seem more like six months running the soft serve machine at Applebee's. The poor woman paid her dues, and then married into one of the most corrupt families in america...ever...and the rest is history. She has been a champion of literacy efforts, but the only time I ever hear about her efforts is when her bumbling retard of a husband fucks up...go figure.
(short break for bong hits and stale ramen...oriental flavor (what the fuck is "oriental flavor" anyway???wow...I'm reminded of the addams family movie when Christina Ricci [hotty] inquires about the origin of girl scout cookies...but I'm stoned and my skink is shifting around, so what do I know?)
OK...whoa!!! Head rush...HEY! Is my skink still on my head???Oh! WOWWW...he's on my shoulder sniffing the oriental remnants in my goatee...cool...
But, as I was saying...on to Eddie, I mean "tearezza"...I was watching Tough Crowd last night and frequent guest Jim Norton said she looked like Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam...I laughed so hard, hash resin dribbled out of my nose and I almost dislodged the skink on my head. But anyway, back to my point...She does fucking look like Eddie and the thought of her singing "Jeremy" makes me want to pee my pants.
To the point...this bitch is worth 7.5 BILLION dollars...which, in her world, entitles her to say whatever the fuck she wants without any meaningful consequences. Her husband, the democratic contender, is by default, also worth 7.5 BILLION...his stake in this election is akin to my stake in last nights lottery drawing...to win would be nice, but if I don't, I'm only out a dollar. 7.5 BILLION...think about that for a minute...while I take another bong hit and give my skink a strawberry...
OK...so...did mizz 7.5 BILLION really "forget" Pickles was a teacher/librarian, or are those jobs so beneath her, she doesn't consider them real? And when you get down to it...who really gives a shit about the first lady since Jackie?
I need another bong hit...see you next week.
Love, me...dude
...our skink fucking rocks...right?

[Listening to: Luminol - Tad - Inhaler (4:42)]

TATTOO YOU

God dammit Billy, why must you continue to be a resource? Just kidding:). For some reason, Billy is taking pictures of hands, and in the process has pictures of his daughters hands...and her tats on her wrists.( which look pretty cool BTW). There is also some commentary from some guy named Jack Who regrets the tattoo he got many years ago that he paid around $11.00 american for, and all i've got to say about that is...I hear you ...blown out lines and poor color and I bet you didn't take care to block it from the sun either.So, you bought a cheap tat and didn't take care of it...no wonder it ended up looking like shit.
To me, they are an investment, take care of them...which means sun screen and lotion. Do I regret my art? Yes...I am as limited as the perception, sometimes it weighs me down in the world in which we operate.Do I regret doing it? No...my tattoos are me and if you can't see the real me, then piss off...I'm with Jack on the smoking thing though.
They also tell a story...

[Listening to: Roll Another Number - Neil Young - Weld (Disc 2) (Live) (5:19)]

I WORKED HIGH TODAY

Meaning altitude...not state of consciousness. I was on a lift (2 different types actually) running conduit in the basement of one of the museums at UT. I believe the top of the ceiling is 20 feet high. To make all the connections uniform it is necessary to cut the individual conduit to size (we are running 3- 1" and 4 or 5- 3/4"...it looks like a silver can of silly string exploded on the ceiling) with a "port-a-band" band saw.

I love my port-a-band, but I have to say that cutting conduit with the saw less than six inches from my face and upside down, almost 20 feet in the air was an experience. By the second cut, I was comfortable. I even felt a sense of accomplishment.
And then I watched the two journeymen trace existing conduit in the slab via junction boxes and marvelled at how they climbed around on the rails of the cages on these lifts like monkeys in redwing boots.
And I realized my journey is still just beginning.
I'll try to get some pics for tomorrows post...just to help with the visuals.

**Stoned guy with a skink on his head-episode three...the day after tomorrow! Get your questions in!**

[Listening to: Doubt - The Cure - Faith (3:08)]

Jobs
Today's job matches:
* Program Specialist, $14/hour - Must be able to translate Spanish to English and English to Spanish (I guess I should have stuck with those spanish classes in high school.)
* Office Technician, $12/hour - Bachelors Degree in Business Administration required (I don't have a degree.)
* Exec Assistant, $14/hour - must be Bubbbly [sic] and have have five years experience supporting VPs or CEOs (how could anyone still be "bubbly" after five years supporting VPs or CEOs? .)
* Admin Assistant, $10/hour - must know shorthand (who uses shorthand these days? I haven't used shorthand since 1978 and don't remember a thing.)
* Admin Assistant, no salary given - Bachelors Degree in Business Administration required.
* Admin Assistant, $11/hour - must be a Notary Public (I'm not, but I applied for this one anyway.)
* Assistant, no salary given - must be Bilingual (I don't suppose speaking German in my dreams counts.)
* Admin Assistant, $12/hour - Bachelors Degree required.
* Front desk/Chiropractic office, $8/hour - must speak Spanish.
* Admin Assistant, no salary given - must speak Spanish.
* Admin Assistant, no salary given - must have strong Sales and Marketing experience (they used the wrong job title on this one.)

and finally, the ONE job I can honestly apply for:
*Admin Assistant, $11/hour - high school or GED, two years experience.

It's a state job which means I'll never hear from them. I hope Jack-in-the-Box is hiring...

[Listening to: Work-Rest-Play-Die - Subhumans - Time Flies/Rats]

"Work-Rest-Play-Die"

When the people of the country have forgotten how to disagree
And the national economy is said to be OK
And the wages that you get will help you to forget
Will you keep your ideologies or throw them all away?

When the system has you beaten
Even now you haven't eaten
Cos you can't afford to eat or drink to keep your brain alive
You blame the system for the weather but carry on as ever
You go to work at half past eight and come back home at five

You can go blue in the face talking about the human race
How they got to outer space but it never stopped the wars
And how the whole of this humanity is based on greed and vanity
The ones who make decisions are the ones who make the laws

But you're still in this society
So what's your main priority
Remain in the majority who never really cared?
Or cultivate the hate to annihilate the state
Are you prepared to die for your beliefs or just to dye your hair?

The anarchist, the nihilist but can you prove that you exist
To a population who insist you're just a bunch of fakes
You cannot change the system until you change your own restrictions
Communication and conviction - got to kick until it breaks

CAMPGROUND HOST

Cool...

I USED TO BE A NOSEY SORT

But that's because I wasn't matched properly...or maybe the silence I've experienced in past relationships belied an agenda...I don't know. But I do know that I got tired of asking "what's wrong"? and "are you ok"? only to be led down a primrose path of psycho girl bullshit where somehow anything and everything was my fault (but I'm not offering you any details as to how this PMS is your fault...so piss off already, but you better not ignore my pouty boderline ways).
And I would soldier on, trying to make it "better" when the reality was, there was no "better" just a sick sick enjoyment in watching me squirm in a sea of fucked up womanhood.
And then there was Ann...early on in our relationship when she was distant or pensive, I would inquire, still struggling with the scars of the past, to make it "better" and guess what happened?
Ann (are you sitting down?) would tell me exactly what was going on...in no uncertain terms.
And, as a bonus, if it had anything remotely to do with me, she would tell me.
Wait...there's more. Ann provides me with the same space and respect when I'm trying to sort something out.
She's amazing to me, really. And that makes it easy to not interfere, cause when she wants me to, she asks.

Sometimes I sits and think and sometimes I just sits
That old saying pretty much describes what I've been doing for the last several weeks. I've been in "hermit mode" which means I don't want to talk to anyone or go anywhere. I know some folks that would tell me I'm depressed and should go get on meds or see a therapist, but why does taking some time to evaluate who you are and where you are and why you are with minimal outside distractions automatically get labeled depression? I love my friends and family, but I don't need their input clogging up the process. For reasons I don't quite understand, being around Rob doesn't interfere much. This wasn't the case in my first marriage and I would go camping by myself just so I could get the peace and quiet that I needed (and even that was always rudely interrupted by several visits - some people just don't get it.) I'd love to tell you that these past few weeks have provided some sort of spiritual breakthrough, but that's not how it works for me. It's not about connecting with "God" or "The Universe", but more a matter of sorting out my perceptions and in this case most of that revolves around how I think and feel about the fact that I've been laid off from a job for the third time in a row. In each case, there was a legitimate need for the company to cut payroll costs and it made perfect sense to eliminate my position as opposed to some other job, but that's not how I remember or think about the events. In my mind I always consider it a personal failure and think that if I had just been "better" in some way then I would still have a job. This is not just a silly thought, but the truth and I know it's the truth. What I don't usually remember is that "better" is often completely unrealistic. If I had, for example, been a top notch machinist in addition to my administrative skills then I would most likely still have a job at company A. It would be a different job, but I'd still be working for company A where I came in early and worked late (no overtime, I was salary) and juggled several jobs at any one time due to layoffs and did all sorts of other "above and beyond the call of duty" things because I didn't realize I was nothing more than just a cog in the machine. I had this crazy idea that I was a valued employee who was making a meaningful contribution to the success of the company. Rinse and repeat two more times. Usually I'm a fast learner, but apparently there are some realities I just don't want to accept. I have absolutely no desire to spend 40+ hours a week working at some meaningless job for a company that doesn't give a rat's ass about me, but that's the reality that I have to learn to accept if I want to keep my house and pay my bills. And quite frankly, I'm not so sure the house and bills are worth such a soulless existence. Rob has the right idea to sell the house and just get the fuck out of here and travel. That said, it can't happen tomorrow and I will continue to look for job here in Austin to get us by while we finish the remodel and get the house ready for market. The catch to this plan is going to be my ability to land a job, any kind of job. I don't seem to be having much luck so far though I've been limiting my applications to administrative jobs where I might have a chance of working on a long-term basis. Switching over to short-term thinking changes this a bit. I have no problem with the thought of working odd shifts at Jack-in-the-Box for the next year or so if it means we are going to hit the road at some point. Rob doesn't know this, but "Campground Host" just happens to be on my list of "jobs that I would like to do if money wasn't an issue."

ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES

I have thought about this a lot in our current economy, and considering our current one income/one paycheck away from the dreaded cardboard box economy...it's becoming more attractive as the election (our possible impending doom as a culture if bunnypants wins) draws near. Here's the plan:
Put the house on the market.
Sell everything we own with some travelling exceptions.
Sell the house, pay off the loan and have about $125,000 to play with.
Buy a crew cab truck with a camper shell, load it up and hit the road. Bank cards and cell phones in hand.Doggies in the back.
Travel across the land, visiting all the places we want to see...picking up work where we can find it to meet the basic expenses, let most of the house proceeds gain interest and invest.
Live in the truck at KOA campgrounds and the occaisional hotel when we want to splurge.
Document everything on a wifi empowered laptop w/ digital camera.
East coast,West coast and everything in between...even canada.
You could spend a year hitting all the national forests in colorado alone...on the cheap.
It's escapist I know...but it beats the hell out of what's happening here now.

[Listening to: Going Up the Country - Canned Heat - The Best of Canned Heat [EMI] (2:51)]

LATE EDITION...JUST CAUSE IT'S Special K ASKING

Wow...a late comer (no offense intended dude) with a question.
Special K asks:

Where do I get my hands on some of this "government cheese"? I hear about it all the time, but I don't think Canada has a cheese program. Throw me a bone here.

Or some cheese.

K.

Wow...I almost dropped my bong over this one. It's been so long since I've actually seen a big ol' log of gubmint cheese...go back to the early no...late 70's...no, early 80's when me and my buddy Dirk were working for a "non profit" center for "emotionally disturbed" kids...what a place that was, but I digress. Since it was "non profit" they were eligible for government food subsidies and part of that was giant blocks of "cheddar" cheese, about the size of a mailbox. There were so many of them that the kitchen manager would give them out to the employees she liked because the employees were so underpaid.(truth be told, they didn't really need the cheese, but it subsidized the ability to buy weed...and in my case skinks) Did I mention that skinks fucking rock the casbah? They do. Especially when you have a block of questionable cheddar the size of a mailbox in your house and this weeks paycheck screaming for you to buy that skink that caught your heart and soul when you went into the all night reptile emporium full of jager and meth.So you bought the skink and took the government cheese, and ate grilled cheese sammiches until you got paid again...grilled cheese sammiches,by the way, made from the government cheese, rocked. Beyond that, it's usefullness was limited, on account of the high oil and insect parts ratio that was common with government cheese products...after all, it was manufactured for the poor. But, with a good buzz and some generic chips, the government grilled cheese rocked.Alas, you can't get the cheese anymore...but it lives on-as a metaphor for any government funded program in the U.S.- a less than adequate hand out to people in need. A historical footnote: The official who sponsored the "let's appease the poor of america with mailbox sized chunks of "cheddar" cheese" was eaten alive by rats who infested the cheese vault in baltimore to provide "filler". And the rest is history...Hey! Quit bogarting that joint! Pass it now or this skink on my head will bite your ass!!!He totally rocks, by the way. History makes my brain hurt....:)

[Listening to: Amphetamines And Coffee - The Afghan Whigs - Up In It (1:54)]

I NICK SHIT FROM BILLY ALOT, HUH?

Last weekend it was the records you should listen to before you take a dirt nap. Today, it's "people who made albums and you wished they'd died first". he had predicted this list would rear it's head in about six months...HA! Gotcha!!
So, without further "a-doo"...bold text indicates money I should have just burned or flushed.
1.House of Freaks...Tantilla...god awful duo apeing Tears for fears with a crushing lack of success, even on Tears baseline.
2.Venus Beads...Incision...yes please, my throat.
3.Anything by Micheal Bolton...I remember the SNL skit where his head explodes, a fitting end.
4.Anything by Yoko Ono...'nuff said.Too bad she wasn't with John that night...no, won't go there.
5.E Pluribus Funk...Grand Funk Railroad...when it's over, it's fucking over, and this album is testimony to a really horrible grand funk railroad derailment.

I had a hard time coming up with this list because there are some that you buy that have one or two good songs yet the bulk of it sucks, and then you have a band whose body of work is great, and then they churn out a real turd (see GFR above) to meet contractual obligations or they just dry up or they get so full of themselves they think they can just fart in harmony for an hour and the fans will eat it up.Zappa's lumpy gravy is a fine example of what you get when you polish a turd...a shiney turd.

[Listening to: Treading Water - Venus Beads - Incision (4:58)]

Just to be sure...I'm sure.

STONED GUY WITH A SKINK ON HIS HEAD


Wow..Only one submission this week...from Brandy, and here it is...

Dear Stoned Guy With A Skink On His Head,
What the hell is a skink anyway?
-Your Confused Future Daughter-in-Law

Wow...Brandy, thanks for your question.
Skinks are magical reptilian beings that live on our heads. And only the enlightened are aware of their presence. They ride atop our heads, ever searching for that mound of fruit and mushed cat food, or the ever desired pinky mouse...waiting patiently to have their bones crushed by our our impossibly strong for such a small carnivore jaws.And we rock...just check out this one on my head right now ...does he not fucking rock the casbah? His name is Sol... for Solomon Island Skink, a place where you just can't think of killer weed and giant lizards. I love it!
They are giant lizards closely related to snakes and unchanged for 1000's of years with an incredible range and diversity...dude. If you wanna learn more go to :hey...wow...fucking skinks
Check him out...on my head...whoa...dude...it rocks the casbah.

[Listening to: Beautiful Lies - Budgie - The Definitive Anthology (5:02)]

KERRY PANDERS TO THE SECRET GANGSTA WITHIN

According to my soon to be daughter in law had I not tuned out at 9 to watch "Rescue Me"** I could of seen candidate Kerry "scratch his balls" on national television. I like this in a soon to be daughter in law. However, I would prefer to classify his ball handling as a gesture to the street slingin' voters ( an often overlooked group, who, through their efforts in crack slinging contribute to the economy...it's just not the economy most of us focus on) . If Kerry could bring them into the fold and utilize the superior knowledge of supply and demand economics, americas problems would be over (except for the itchy balls...apparently).
And how about that spittle ball ever present in the corner of bunnypants mouth throughout the debate? What's that about? The last time I saw this, it involved anticonvulsant and antidepressant medication, or at the very least booze and really horny porn videos.
What struck me most about Bush last night was, whenever he took a cheap shot at Kerry he would look at the moderator, Bob Schiefer, and laugh. It was like..." Hey man! Ain't I the funniest president ever in the history of debates...I just kicked his ass in a pointed yet funny way...right?"
To Schiefers credit, he did not respond one way or the other and soldiered on through his list of questions.
I was not in the least bit impressed by the lies both candidates threw out regarding the state of our economy and the "plans" to fix it. This one was a no brainer...we're fucked and we have no clue what to do about it, so we're just going to tax you into hell...Bush will achieve this by 2006 if re-elected, Kerry will either earn the bluff and things will get better, or we will crash and burn by the time Hillary announces in 2008, drowned in the government we're assured neither party wants to inflict upon us, but will when the chips are down.
Kerry made many references to a magical "blue cross/blue shield"...is that anything like white cross, and where can I get some?
Seriously...did anyone else notice the spittle?

[Listening to: In For The Kill - Budgie - The Definitive Anthology (6:27)]

THIRD TIMES A CHARM

But for who? The final debate airs at 8pm central time tomorrow, in the interest of being fair and balanced FOX NEWS will air a baseball playoff game instead, for those of us who, at this point, could give a shit. It will be a lecturn style debate with the same rules as the first, and, I'm guessing, the same light bars that underline what an idiot Bush is and how good Kerry's timing is. As with the last one, I will only be watching the first hour, because the season finale of Rescue Me is on at 9. Unlike the people watching the game, I give at least half a shit.
Who will win? Who will turn the election? Who will grasp the american voting public with their words of "truth" and sway them? Who will get the most "newsworthy" misquotes to "slam" the opponent with in the media after round three ?
Who fucking really cares at this point? It's just bad theater now really, innit?
Who remembers the early days of the world wrestling federation? I used to watch it back in the early to mid 80's on the USA network...late at night, addled by crank and beer. The matches were, according to me and whoever was with me at the time, predictable and pathetically funny to watch. And we would frequently comment (as speed freaks have a tendency to repeat themselves thinking it was new thought) "who could possibly believe that any of this is real"?
There was the "A/B" match, where Jake "the snake" Roberts(Bush) is trounced by "Rockin' Roddy Piper(Kerry). (Debate one)
There was the "A/B/C" match , where the ultimate warrior (Bush) appears to beat "hacksaw" Jim Duggan(Kerry),but hacksaw lands a killing blow with his flag adorned 2x4, knocking the warrior from the ring, and while pumping up the crowd with his victory cries and his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth like a tard, hacksaw gets nailed by the warrior with a folding chair from the floor...chaos ensues, it's called a draw and neither gets the huge jewel encrusted belt of power. (Debate two)
Then there was the "A/B/C/D" match, which, if we're lucky, will play out in round three tomorrow night. The Big Boss Man (Kerry) will appear to trounce Hulk Hogan (Bush), but the hulkster will smash boss man with a boot to the face and knock him over the ropes and into the forth row (after a lot of rolling and flailing around) while Hulk rejoices in his victory, boss man will crawl like a leper back to the ring, sneak between the ropes and KO hulk with McMahon's microphone and then crawl to the turnbuckle and pull himself up to a victory stance only to be clocked in the back of the head with a spit bucket by Hulks girlfriend "Ms. Tiffany" (if I remember her steroid laden titty dancer name correctly...who is, coincidentally...Nader).
Nah...couldn't happen.
Let us pray.

[Listening to: Divide And Conquer - Husker Du - Flip Your Wig (3:46)]

DUDE! IT'S A REGULAR GIG!!!

Stoned guy with a skink on his head is not a licensed therapist, a qualified counselor or well informed...he's just stoned, with a skink on his head. He really likes skinks...and being stoned.
He wants to answer your questions...and he will, every thursday. e-mail your questions to : stonedguywithaskinkonhishead , and don't be shy about it. If the mail box is empty, he'll just twist one up, put a skink on his head and make some shit up. Either way, he'll think it rocks...dude.

YET ANOTHER ONE NICKED FROM BILLY

the albums you should have listened to before you die

...copy the list on to your blog, put in bold the ones you have listened to (completely from begining to end) and then add three more albums that you think people should have heard before they turn into their parents - remember, it isn't necessarily your most favourite albums but the ones you think people should listen to...and when we say listen we mean from track one through to the end...

1) Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band; The Beatles
2) London Calling; The Clash
3) Blood Sugar Sex Magik; Red Hot Chilli Peppers
4) Think Tank; Blur
5) This is Hardcore; Pulp
6) Moon Safari; Air
7) Elastica; Elastica
8) Never Mind the Bollocks Here's the Sex Pistols; Sex Pistols
9) OK Computer; Radiohead
10) The Kiss of Morning; Graham Coxon
11) Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars - David Bowie
12) The Wall - Pink Floyd
13) Setting Sons - The Jam
14) America Beauty - The Grateful Dead
15)Toxicity - System of a Down
16)Train a Comin' - Steve Earle

In other news...
I'd like to thank the members of the academy...actually, BW. :)

SECOND VERSE...

I watched last nights debate, and while it's fair to say that both candidates were more forceful with each other regarding the issues, it's still a load of crap. The town hall setting was populated by "soft" supporters of both, i.e; not a strong opinion either way (like a room full of happy day's Richie Cunningham and his mom with a smattering of Edith Bunker). The questions were pre-determined and screened. What kind of debate is that? Not much, if you ask me.
If you go to CNN.com and look at the fact checker link, you'll see that both Bunnypants and Kerry "misrepresented facts" (lied) to further their respective points on alot of things. In particular, Kerry said the cost of the war is 200 billion so far. The truth is (according to CNN) is 120 billion, not counting the 80 billion earmarked and approved on oct.1 but not spent yet. Well, lets see...120 plus 80 commited = 200. Wow...I guess it all boils down to what "cost' means. There's more to scratch your head over at this link if you're so inclined.
If I was on the debate commission (ha!haha!!) I would have gone with the unexplainable continued popularity of reality TV and fashioned the debates like a kind of survivor/fear factor format. There would be an obstacle course with a variety of stations modeled after the issues that face us everyday americans...
STATION ONE: The economy.
Each candidate would have to file for unemployment using the phone system, then contact creditors and mortgage companies and utilities and try to figure out how to keep the car the house and the power on, all on $330.00 a week. Then, put together a grocery list that would feed a family of 4 until the next check arrives with the $45.00 left over.
Then speak for 2 minutes about the economy.
STATION TWO: Health care.
Each candidate would face two challenges.
ONE: You have high blood pressure, since you are unemployed, you have no medical benefits...your medication costs $150.00 a month...what do you do?
TWO: You have found a job in the "bustling" bush economy, only it pays 1/3 of what you used to make at your old Clinton era job. You have benefits, but it only reduces the cost of your medication by $35.00.Plus your deductible is $2500.00 before benefits kick in.While struggling with this, you learn at a routine doctor visit that your blood work results are "troubling" and could indicate type II diabetes, he recommends a test to rule it out, but you have to go to an outside lab, which your benefit plan does not cover. It will cost $400.00. But, you have a job now (that pays $395.00 a week...a whopping $65.00 more than your unemployment).What do you do?
Then speak for 2 minutes on health care.
STATION THREE: The fear factor.
Each candidate must eat a bowl of rancid chicken covered in maggots and drink a tumbler full of yak bile...in 2 minutes.
No need to speak...just don't vomit for 5 minutes and move on to:
STATION FOUR: The war on terror.
Each candidate would lose a family member to each of the following:
A car bomb.
A beheading...with all the media coverage and demands by the captors etc. etc. plus a commemorative video plastered all over the internet.
A court martial for torturing POWs.
A suicide.
Then speak for 2 minutes about the validity of the war on terror.
A panel of 70's game show hosts and Slappy White would preside over the final lightning round, where the candidates would have to indentify a variety of common household items flashed on a screen...like food stamps and government cheese and generic beer.
Donald Trump would decide the winner.
That's a debate I'd like to see.

[Listening to: Ace of Spades - Motörhead - No Sleep 'Til Hammersmith (Bonus Tracks) (3:01)]

ASK A STONED GUY WITH A SKINK ON HIS HEAD V.3

Dear Stoned Guy With a Skink on His Head,
What's up with this Kerry guy?
Just wondering,
Resin cough in Racine.

Dear no ice in the bong,
This dude Kerry went over to the Nam and after he was done killing gooks and shit, he came back and smoked some primo or whatever it was called back then and decided that killing gooks was a bummer, so he went like, totally against killing gooks and threw his medals for killing gooks and getting shot by gooks at the whitehouse, or some shit like that. Then he joined the senate and did a bunch of senatorial shit for about, like 20 years. Now he's running for president or something.
Hey...see this skink on my head? He totally rocks the casbah man...he's gonna vote for Kerry. A little ice in your bong will clear that resin cough right up dude. Check that skink on my head dude, he like shifted with authority and stuck out his tongue for a second, right on man! Skinks totally rock the vote for Kerry!

Dear Stoned Guy With a Skink on His Head,
What's the deal with this Bush dude? Why is he on such a complete bummer all the time?
Sign me
Seriously bumming on this Bush dude...WTF?

Dear Seriously bumming,
After 16 stone, Bush kinda sucked. And then the leader...Gavin, who is a serious pothead married that looks kinda chinky but is really a white chick Gwen from that band No Doubt, lending creedence to the anti weed lobby. I mean, come on...you have to put a pillow under her ass to get the right...oh! wait...you're talking about pResident Bush...dude! Bush is a total fucking bummer.
He was a nazi gubner in Texas and went on to single handedly destroy the reputation of the US, cause killing Texas just wasn't enough for him. He should've never given up the coke and booze. He was still an insufferable fratboy , but at least he was fucked up. Bush is such a fucking loser that this skink on my head just took a shit on my neck in protest...or maybe he just had to go...either way you have to admit , this fucking skink on my head rocks. Skinks rule!

Debate v.2 on tonight...oh boy...

I GUESS IT'S OFFICIAL



I am licensed by the state of Texas to practice electricity...woot!

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL...

This saturday evening the Wolves@th'door are reuniting after an almost two year hiatus. This was the culmination of scatter shot conversations on the phone between me, the drummer and the other guitarist, cemented without my knowledge, but apparently I was there.
We will meet at the shop on east cesar chavez st. at 6pm. Where my sovtek mig 50 with marshall 4x12 and Ann's peavey 500 T-max with peavey 10x10 (it's almost taller than me!) rigs have sat idle next to badgers vintage ludwigs for all this time...pining for some action.
Suddenly, the opportunity to make some big noise is appealing. We have known each other as a band since april of '94, Badger and I have known each other for...let me see...15 minus almost 45 equals - holy shit! Almost 30 years. Ann and LT have known each other for...what a coinikidink! Almost 30 years.
That's a long time to be friends...and 10 years as a band is a lifetime, especially considering the cumulative almost 60 years that we have known each other collectively.Marketing bullshit aside, almost 30 years. That's still a long time to know somebody. Ask anybody. Really...ask them.
So this saturday we will give those amps the attention they have been pining for...I imagine mine will smell like the first time you fire up the heater/furnace for the winter...is that dust burning off or is the house on fire?
I have decided to bring my Gibson SG and my Danelectro guitars...I need to restring them and find my Vox wah peddle, and change the battery in my tuner...I'm hoping Ann brings that 70's washburn bass along with her standby Ibanez...I call it her Uriah Heep bass, it's a beautiful thing.
I have all these thoughts flying around in my head that amount to wolves lyrics...just spit them out, you know? I dream of a new direction for us, more mature and focused, but still music to break furniture by. We will of course record this...we record everything.
Look for a tenth anniversary CD in the making.Maybe...if we can pull it off.

LET THEM KNOCK YOU AROUND...

[Listening to: Good Times Roll - The Cars - The Cars (3:44)]

SOME SAYINGS THAT ANNOY ME

-When life gives you lemons...make lemonade!
Should be:
-When life gives you lemons...put them in the freezer overnight and then throw them at life as hard as you can.

-Who moved my cheese?
should be:
-The next micro - managing manager that changes my job description without telling me will get the beatdown of a friggin' lifetime.

-What color is your parachute?
should be:
-What color is your outsourced replacement?

-I'm lovin' it!
should be:
-I'm having a quadruple bypass!

-Women are from venus-Men are from mars.
should be:
-I'm not gettin' any.

-Pull your own strings!
should be:
-Oh no you didn't! ( with forceful removal of own earrings and shoes for effect )

-Are you better off now than you were four years ago?
should be:
-How's the job search coming, middle class?

THE WRINGING OF HANDS

I noticed that the "S.O.B" (sour ol' bastard) Cheney, spent a great deal of the hour of the debate I saw wringing his hands. His eye contact was furtive I mean, weasely at best. By far, the thing that astounded me most about this lying son of a bitch was how he likened the upcoming election in Iraq to the first free election in Central America and actually had the balls to act like that little piece of history was a resounding success. I guess he's banking on short memory and the epidemic of revisionist history that has plagued this country for years. I remember this piece of history, and our involvement became known as Iran-Contra. Now that's something to be proud of innit?. Proponents of the GOP hail his long tenure in government, but they fail to mention that he has been a lying,cheating, subversive, manipulative pile of steaming dogshit the whole time.
Enough about Golem I mean Cheney.
Edwards, I think did a much better job on two distinct levels: Telling the truth, and appearing to tell the truth when he was "bending facts" to his advantage. This is, no doubt, attributable to his experience as an attorney (which translates to,roughly: liar for money) which according to everything I've heard and read, he has a Ron Jeremy-like rep. when it comes to winning big judgements. With that said, I believe he gave a more accurate and true picture of what's happening in the world today. Which boils down to "we are in serious trouble here, america, please wake up and smell the cofee".
Short of putting his fingers in his ears and going "lalalalalalalaalalalaaaa...liarliarliarliar" he could'nt have stated the obvious better.He also needs to work on his Clinton impression.
Generally, I wasn't that impressed with this debate.

[Listening to: Reality Is Waiting for a Bus - Subhumans - Live in a Dive (2:25)]

ANOTHER RUNUP TO ANOTHER SHAMFEST...

And Rummy and Bremer aren't helping any...Thanks for showing yer partys ass, fellas.Can't thank you enough for yer recent comments. I'll only be able to stomach I mean watch the first hour because the season finale of nip tuck is on at 9. Anyhoo, this one has some stipulations as well, the most striking to me is they have to sit down for the duration. You hear that it's tradition, you hear that it takes an edge away from Edwards who (apparently) prefers to walk around all Perry Mason like, and you hear that shithead criminal I mean Cheney, is more "comfortable" and feels more "powerful" seated. I don't know about you, but this says to me: He doesn't want to have a coronary when the heats on and his edema is acting up.
All barbs aside, I'm interested to see if this "undercard" as some have been calling it will make a difference. And, I'm hoping against hope that Cheney will lose it and tell edwards to fuck off...that would be awesome!

[Listening to: You Bet We've Got Something Against You! - Black Flag - Damaged/Jealous Again (0:53)]

THE OLD SWITCHEROO

Ever since the last fight Theo and Sullivan had, they have been seperated. And our evenings have become a hourly rotation of said dogs. Theo and Irene out in the house, Sully in the bedroom and vise-versa. Sometimes Irene gets to stay out the whole time, avoiding the rotation and getting to hang out with both her brothers. Sometimes we forget and an hour turns into 2 or 3 before the canine rotation occurs. As big a pain in the ass this is, the dogs have adjusted to it quite well and don't seem to mind. But I mind...Why can't these two boys get along? I understand the pack mentality, or I thought I did anyway. I am alpha in this house. If I'm annoyed by, say, things jumping out of the medicine cabinet and yell "GOD DAMMIT"!! doggies take cover. I do not make a habit of yelling at them with the exceptions of getting in the trash (Theo and Irene) or destroying CD's and DVD's (Theo and/or Irene). When Ann was in Canada a couple of years ago at a seminar, I came home to several chewed up CD's one day and several chewed up DVD's the next.This is when "GOD DAMMIT" became the universal cry of "you fucked up".
Dogs are smart like that.
Anyhoo...back to my point (if there is one) - I miss the 5 of us hanging out together as a family, Theo likes to snuggle at night, but Sully is the snuggle king and he sleeps in the extra bedroom these days, so no snuggle king for the alpha "dog" at night. We had some snuggle time the other night, but when I woke up it was Theo I was spooning with, not Sully. Theo put up such a fuss that Ann switched them out before coming to bed.
A right pain in the ass to be sure...but I don't miss the blood splattered walls.
No sir...not at all.
Enjoy your nap?

[Listening to: Breed Apart - Sepultura - Roots (4:01)]

DEBATE...SORT OF...I GUESS

Kerry smoked Bush...period. And anyone who says otherwise is seriously deluded and just plain brainwashed by the old school juggernaught that is bunnypants and his gang of bitter old cronies. With that said, let me express my concern that Kerry's superior performance in this debate does not necessarily improve his chances of unseating the mongoloid in chief. It's the ignorant and the rich that will fuck us up in November.
What follows is my best attempt at reconstructing a caller to local radio talk guy and libertarian Jeff Ward on my way home from work today. The caller was a woman named Jaunita and the exchange went something like this:

Jaunita: I believe bush won.
Jeff: Why?
Jaunita: Because he just strikes me as an honest man who is doing the best for our country.
Jeff: How, specifically, is bush doing this?
Jaunita: Just how he is and how he's fighting the terrorists in Iraq.
Jeff: The terrorists are from Iraq?
Jaunita: Yes...and I would rather fight them there than here in america.
Jeff: Do you know where the terrorists that hit the world trade center and the pentagon were from?
Jaunita: no, but if bush says that Iraq is a terrorist threat, they must be.
Jaunita: The reason I support bush is because he's honest and seems to have the consciousness of god in him, and that's all I need.
Jeff tried without success to pin this woman down to specifics on her position and the best she could do was to say "it's what I've been told and I believe it".
THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF GOD.
This is what we're dealing with...semi literate fundies who buy into anything as long as christ is attached at the beginning or the end of any statement regarding policy. That and the super rich, who in collusion with bunnypants, manipulate the dim bulbs in this country, like Jaunita.
No amount of debates will amount to a hill of beans when your dealing with a population that can be misled so easily into blending the seperation of church and state into a puree of scam and bullshit in the name of god and country.
Let me say that again: GOD...and...COUNTRY...vinegar and oil right? Not in Bunnypants america...no sir.
George Orwell is laughing his ass off somewhere...he was 20 years early, but he was right I'm afraid...the details haven't been worked out yet, but I see face cages and rats in our future if Kerry doesn't prevail.

[Listening to: So What - Ministry - The Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Taste (8:13)]