Saturday, February 11, 2006

DA BOMB

Here's a list of the countries that have nuclear weapons...read it and weep.

Countries with Nuclear Weapons Capability

* Acknowledged: Britain, China, France, India, Pakistan, Russia, United States

* Unacknowledged: Israel

* Seeking: North Korea,1 Iran2

* Abandoned: South Africa—Constructed but then voluntarily dismantled six uranium bombs. Belarus, Kazakhstan, Ukraine—When Soviet Union broke up, these former states possessed nuclear warheads that they have since given up.

1. In Dec. 2002, North Korea revealed that it had violated its 1994 agreement to freeze its nuclear weapons program and has been developing a nuclear bomb. On April 24, 2003, North Korea announced it possessed a nuclear bomb but this claim has not been verified.
2. In Aug. 2005, U.S. intelligence estimated that Iran would possess nuclear weapons in the next decade. Source: U.S. State Department and TIME magazine.

Let's deal with this as it comes...

Britain. Yeah...they probably got it from us and it probably has a range to get it to, oh, I don't know...Ireland. Now if Ireland had one I might be concerned. The Brits I'm not concerned about, revolutionary war aside, we're allies and have been for quite some time.
Actual threat ( to countries other than Ireland ) : minimal.

China. If we couldn't nuke them back, they would plate glass us in a fucking nanosecond I gaurantee. Remember those old gangster movies where the Irish immigrant owed the Italian immigrant 500 dollars on the horses and if he didn't pay up he'd get his knees capped? That's us and China. They don't nuke us because we owe them our collective paychecks. For life. By the way, chinese womens vaginas are not sideways, despite the popular urban legends.
Actual threat: moderate ( unless they get a leader that's seen "The Devil's Rejects", then look out. )

France. HAHA-fucking HA.
Actual threat: HAHA-fucking HA.

India. These motherfuckers are making so much money from the outsourcing of american jobs, they'd be idiots to nuke us...that is until the companies themselves move to India, then look out.
They developed the nuke to intimidate...Pakistan. (see below).
Actual threat: India's nuke would spin up into the sky like a bottle rocket and shoot straight back down on India, destroying them and possibly Pakistan.

Pakistan. They are in competition with India for outsourced american jobs. Pakistan and India have been using Kashmir as a training ground for all out war with each other and when it gets close, they make up. which reminds me of the 8 years I'll never get back that I spent with Debbie, who has borderline personality disorder. A condition shared by Pakistan and India, which coincidentaly shares a borderline...how about that for coincedence? Crazy, huh? and I'll bet both countries have a snappin' pussy to draw each other back in, despite the craziness.
Actual threat: See India, only exchange bottle rocket with sparkler.Or smoke snake.

Russia. Russia could actually be a threat, but since the demise of the Soviet Union, they can't find any of their nukes cause they've all been stolen and bartered for vodka and heroin.Or sold to South africa...who should be buying grain and shit for christ's sake.
Actual threat: Minimal, have you ever tried to deploy a nuclear weapon trippin' on vodka and heroin? It ain't happening.Plus there's that whole cold war "mutually assured destruction" deal that Reagan "did away"with...Yeah, sure he did. Ask Bush about that at the next press conference and see what happens to your dissident ass. I dare you.

United States. The U S of fucking A can blow anyone up anytime, anywhere. We are the kings of nuclear capability. Bush has a chip in his brain that sends subliminal messages through his eyes that say: "Buy into my bullshit just a little bit or we'll turn you into a geographic etch-a-sketch...seriously...bitches". We have nukes out the ass. I even have one in my back yard, disguised as a keg-a-rator and aimed at Pakistan.
Actual threat: High...Bush has no regard for life, he proved that as the killingest governer ever in the history of the world when he was fucking up Texas on his way to fucking up the US and the world...if you think this asshole has any notion of restraint, think again. He's like a pedophile in a room full of naked 12 year olds and a gallon of ass lube.

Israel. They are "unacknowledged" in regards to having a nuke. An anti-semite would say it's "just like them fucking jews to get all gamey about having the bomb" I'm not an anti-semite, so I won't say that.
Actual threat: Who knows...they're jews....that's like asking if it's really a rolex.

North Korea. They have a plan, they have a crazy fuck for a leader, they have a Black Cat fireworks factory. Nuff said.
Actual threat: minimal...they have almost as much trouble feeding themselves as the south africans...no worries.

Iran. We should be concerned about these motherfuckers, but not worried, because Israel will take care of them for us with conventional weapons that they got from the US.
Actual threat: Minimal, unless they find some of the nukes Russia lost...but even then, see India and/or Pakistan.They could, however, burn the world in effigy, and boy would that smart.

South Africa.South Africa ate thier nuclear stockpiles when they ran out of shoe leather and dung beetles.
Actual threat: minimal, but you have to admit, they really got us with that aids thing back in the 80's. I'm referring to the Bob Geldolf concerts, by the way. The HIV thing was all about the chimps of South Africa. You've seen 28 days later, right?

Belarus, Kazakhstan, Ukraine. Come on...Me and my friends could kick these countries asses with a keg of beer and a gross of 12 gauge slugs. They might have a dozen mircowave ovens daisychained together but that's it.
Actual threat: hahahahahahahahaha! None. None what so ever.





No comments:

Post a Comment