My mom has been dealing with a rather perplexing medical condition for the last year. First it was nothing to be concerned about, then it was definitely cancer,then it was maybe cancer, then it was definitely not cancer, then back to maybe cancer, then definitely not cancer again and at this point, the doctors involved have finally admitted that they have no clue what it is. My mom and our family have been dealing with the situation in our typical manner which is to not get too freaked out about it and instead, plan for the worst while expecting the best. However, I talked to my mom tonight as she told me about yet another doctor that she was going to see next week and for the first time, I heard fear in her voice regarding this issue.
Now that fear might mean that she was not comfortable with our plan for the worst or it could mean that she was no longer expecting the best or it could mean she was afraid of dying or it could be something that I haven't thought of yet. But there's a reason there and it troubles me that she's afraid and I don't know why. I have watched my mother face many a fear in the past 50 years, but it was always pretty evident what was causing the fear. This time, I'm not sure and she's not willing to talk about it. And so here I am, troubled about something that I can do nothing about at the moment. All I can do is let it go for now, try to get some sleep and look at it again tomorrow.