STONED GUY WITH A SKINK ON HIS HEAD

Hey man...the ol' mailbox was empty like munchies on kind bud and the only thing in the house is like some weird lookin' serrano peppers and some three year old ramen in the back of the pantry. But no matter! I have a question for me....
Dear Me...
Like...what's the deal with first ladies anyway?
Love, Me

Dear Me...
Just like that rubenesque debbil girl sticker on the back of your nissan pick up, first ladies make, like a statement about who you...uh...are in relation to the kind of, uh, dude, I mean pResident you are...or something like that...uh...let's just focus on the first ladies, ok?
The big news in this current election today is "tearezza" Hienz-Kerry (first lady wanna-be) wondered if Laura "Pickles" Bush (current first lady) ever had a "real job". Unless you live under a rock, you know that Pickles was a moonshine runner in west texas back in the day and killed her boyfriend with her moonshine runnin' car evading the "revenooer man"...seriously, she was a teacher and a librarian for like 9 years, but that moonshine riff just cracks my shit up.
Nine years as a public servant...can you imagine being in a human services job for nine long years??? When I think about it...the future first lady toiling away in elementary classrooms and the chaos that is a library, it makes my twenty years working in psych hospitals and treatment centers seem more like six months running the soft serve machine at Applebee's. The poor woman paid her dues, and then married into one of the most corrupt families in america...ever...and the rest is history. She has been a champion of literacy efforts, but the only time I ever hear about her efforts is when her bumbling retard of a husband fucks up...go figure.
(short break for bong hits and stale ramen...oriental flavor (what the fuck is "oriental flavor" anyway???wow...I'm reminded of the addams family movie when Christina Ricci [hotty] inquires about the origin of girl scout cookies...but I'm stoned and my skink is shifting around, so what do I know?)
OK...whoa!!! Head rush...HEY! Is my skink still on my head???Oh! WOWWW...he's on my shoulder sniffing the oriental remnants in my goatee...cool...
But, as I was saying...on to Eddie, I mean "tearezza"...I was watching Tough Crowd last night and frequent guest Jim Norton said she looked like Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam...I laughed so hard, hash resin dribbled out of my nose and I almost dislodged the skink on my head. But anyway, back to my point...She does fucking look like Eddie and the thought of her singing "Jeremy" makes me want to pee my pants.
To the point...this bitch is worth 7.5 BILLION dollars...which, in her world, entitles her to say whatever the fuck she wants without any meaningful consequences. Her husband, the democratic contender, is by default, also worth 7.5 BILLION...his stake in this election is akin to my stake in last nights lottery drawing...to win would be nice, but if I don't, I'm only out a dollar. 7.5 BILLION...think about that for a minute...while I take another bong hit and give my skink a strawberry...
OK...so...did mizz 7.5 BILLION really "forget" Pickles was a teacher/librarian, or are those jobs so beneath her, she doesn't consider them real? And when you get down to it...who really gives a shit about the first lady since Jackie?
I need another bong hit...see you next week.
Love, me...dude
...our skink fucking rocks...right?

[Listening to: Luminol - Tad - Inhaler (4:42)]