Previous posts by me referring to AA meetings should at least be partially disregarded. I was not arrested, my friend was. I went to the meetings to support him. His arrest and the nature of our friendship caused me to look at my personal behavior. That coupled with the AA experience resulted in what I like to call " peripheral epiphany". Those 12 steppers can really suck you in with the "my life is so much better now" testimonials in regard to thier sobriety.
People re- evaluate thier lives, and I think that's a good thing...especially when it relates to substance use or abuse. I don't use drugs anymore...sure the sometimes rare appearance of hash is impossible to resist, but that's once in a great while and the only vice of that category I allow myself, paycheck permitting. Speed? 20 years gone. Coke? 20 years gone. Pills? Not since high school. Alchohol? Oh yeah...Vodka, I love my fucking vodka. I rarely drink beer anymore, no Jager, and an RNS every once in a great while.
So...what does that make me? For starters, it makes me painfully aware of my friends predicament and what he stands to lose. That and the fact that I don't EVER want to be in his boat. Secondarily, it makes me acutely aware of my past, present and future in regard to substance abuse and has given me cause to think harder about the choices I make, specifically about my future. Whatever future may be left for me, I would like for it to be as bright as possible.
His condition makes me think about what I've got and what I've got to lose, and how easily it could be lost. Or how much it could cost to not...and I can't afford that shit.
It's like that Cure song where he say's "and just let go my party piece"...it's an individual thing, but I'm thinking I'm close...letting go. But what do you replace it with?
Good question.
No comments:
Post a Comment