MR. MOTO AND THE MEGAPLEXXX OF PORN
On a lark,after almost 10 years of marriage,Ann and I decided to go rent some adult DVD's a couple of weeks ago...this of course was after a few rounds at our hang out of choice.
We went to the "Adult MegapleXXX"...a cavernous building of the main interstate...a place we had both driven by many times in all our years in this city,but had never visited.
The place is set up like a top secret government complex...a metal detector on the only way in,another on the only way out.Parking is discreet...on the back side of the building.
Inside is a veritable treasure trove of all things "adult",and by adult I mean,well,you know what I mean.
I am no stranger to porn...the internet variety at least,but this place was something else...75,000 square feet of video,DVD, and print porn of every type you could imagine.
Toys of every shape and size,oils,lubes and some things I can't describe...they even had a bondage section...complete with the zippered mask "Machine" wore in 8mm.
It was a bit overwhelming but exciting at the same time.
We made our selections and it was time to set up our membership.Enter Mr.Moto...
This guy is your stereotypical japanese businessman...hair slicked back with gel (hell...it could of been astroglide),heavy black horn rim glasses...the only thing missing was the conservative suit.But his voice and demeanor was what got me.
If I closed my eyes,I was talking to "master" from the TV series Kung Fu! No kidding!
He was so...so...ZEN...very polite and professional,but "master" non the less.
I kept expecting him to say something along the lines of "when you can snatch ass masters 5 in 3-D from my hands it's time for you to go"...but he didn't.
As uncomfortable as I was being there ( a giddy kind of discomfort,like I was doing something wrong) Mr. Moto put me at ease with his zen like countenance and sent us on our way with a pair of DVD's.
Getting back to the store itself...It was busy.There were people of every age and color and station...it was like being at the grocery store...singles,couples...you name it.
I like to people watch (probably a vestige of my days as a social worker,but that's another story...not involving porn) and the thing I immediately noticed was people do not make eye contact...I tried.
You could best describe any contact as furtive glances...it wasn't like they were ashamed,it was more like they wished they were there alone,with no one else watching as they purchased the "Ragin' Hard-on" butt plug and the Jenna Jamison blow up doll...this is my business and my business alone kind of avoidance.
Sure,people were checkin' each other out,but on the sleuth...it was all very amusing to me.
So,we come home and watch our choices. I have seen very few porn movies in my life..save for the 10 second free clips available online when I'm alone...Deep Throat at bachelor parties when I was very young,a couple of really bad VHS movies with an old girlfriend, and one by accident at the old varsity theater on the drag when I was in high school.
I wasn't sure what it would be like to watch them with Ann, after almost 10 years of porn free marriage...I wasn't sure what to expect.
I was pleasantly surprised.
It was fucking hysterical!Yes...hysterical...beyond the technological advances made in moviemaking since Deep Throat came out, nothing has changed...the plotlines were laughable,the acting was horrible and the sex was occaisionally exciting and erotic and passionate,but mostly it was uninspired and reminded me of that guy that puts on tires at NTB...he's been doing it for so long he doesn't remember the first time he mounted a low profile radial on a aluminum mag rim and he doesn't care. He just wants to mount,get it over with,go home and get paid when he's finished.
We watched these DVD's like we watch any DVD...in our living room,and had the same kind of running dialog about any other movie we would watch.
But it's fun to critique this stuff,and it opens channels of communication in areas that people don't,as a rule,talk about.
Thank you Mr. Moto, for knocking down a barrier...and you were right...we didn't go blind:)