I was able to drive to work yesterday. It was very uncomfortable when I tested out my ability to do a "panic stop", but it didn't seem like I was going to be dangerous out there on the road so I went ahead and drove to the office. It's about a 30 minute drive with several long traffic lights and always one or two panic stops on the way because the drivers here are horrible. I pulled it off, but 30 minutes is about the most I can do and I'm not good for much walking afterwards. That pretty much rules out making a grocery store run any time soon.
Truth be told, even if I had someone else do the driving, there's no way I'd be able to walk the distance it takes to get through one of our huge grocery stores. I won't starve though. Only a mile from my house is a small convenience store that also has a meat market and carries fresh produce. Well, "fresh" might be a misnomer, but it's better than nothing and it's the only option out here in the food desert where I live. They call it a food desert because the closest grocery store is 10 miles away and about a 45 minute drive. There's also no public transportation access and the cab fare is about $30 one-way. Although the convenience store is a bit more expensive on some items, the extra cost is still a lot cheaper than paying $60 to go to and from the big grocery store in a cab.
The convenience store is what's called a "Mexican Market" which means things are not exactly the same as what I might see in my regular grocery store. I'm not really sure what those cuts of meat are (other than the ground beef) and I'm also not sure what to do with them. The produce is not your normal selections; nopales (cactus), chayote squash and other odd things. The cheese selection is also interesting and I have already gotten used to putting Oaxaca cheese on my pizza because they don't carry Mozzarella.
Now I can cook regular Tex-Mex any day of the week, but if I want any variety I'm going to have to go beyond my usual tacos, tostadas and enchiladas. I'm hoping the internet can give me some clue on what to do with the unfamiliar cuts of meat. I already know several recipes for chayote squash since I've been eating that for years. but I've never done anything with nopales. Who knows, I just might be having cactus for dinner tonight.
Tuesday, November 06, 2018
Tuesday, October 30, 2018
A hard lesson
I'm a pretty independent person, not usually willing to let others help me out if I can do it myself. My friends stepped in after Rob died and I was grief stricken enough to let that happen. But apparently I didn't learn that lesson well enough so the universe saw fit to orchestrate another demonstration.
This weekend I was out at Bastrop State Park with my friend Tracy for his birthday. We were setting up a canopy that needed to be moved over a picnic table and I hopped up on the table to help move it along. When I stepped off the bench of the table, my right foot landed wrong and it made the most interesting noise; sounded a bit like a Xylophone or a bunch of knuckles cracking. I wasn't sure if it was a break or a sprain, but either way I couldn't put much weight on it. No bones were poking out anywhere so I didn't see any point in going to the doctor right then; just threw some ice on it and went on with the party. Other people joined us, we cooked dinner, I drank a lot of beer which dulled the pain, and had a wonderful time.
The next morning, my foot was no better and now this was a problem. Not only did it mean that Tracy had to load up both cars all by himself, but I suspected that I might not be able to drive my car. I gave it a try and was able to get the car up to the park office, but only just barely. There was no way I could drive in traffic on a busy highway to get home.
Tracy took me from the park to a minor emergency center in Bastrop where I was hoping they could fix me up enough to drive. They took some X-rays, determined nothing was broken and it was only torn ligaments, but that I would not be able to drive for at least a few days, and most likely not for a week or two. They gave me a shot for the pain and big boot to stabilize my foot. I might not be able to drive, but with the boot I could hobble around without crutches for short distances and for that I was extremely grateful. Tracy took me home and found someone to drive my car back from Bastrop, a friend of his who had never met me and no reason to do that, but was more than willing to help out. Not only did I have to rely on my friends, but also the kindness of strangers!
Today I'm working from home. I've got a co-worker who will give me a ride to work tomorrow. What happens after that remains to be seen, but I suspect I'm going to have to lean on people for at least a few more days.
This weekend I was out at Bastrop State Park with my friend Tracy for his birthday. We were setting up a canopy that needed to be moved over a picnic table and I hopped up on the table to help move it along. When I stepped off the bench of the table, my right foot landed wrong and it made the most interesting noise; sounded a bit like a Xylophone or a bunch of knuckles cracking. I wasn't sure if it was a break or a sprain, but either way I couldn't put much weight on it. No bones were poking out anywhere so I didn't see any point in going to the doctor right then; just threw some ice on it and went on with the party. Other people joined us, we cooked dinner, I drank a lot of beer which dulled the pain, and had a wonderful time.
The next morning, my foot was no better and now this was a problem. Not only did it mean that Tracy had to load up both cars all by himself, but I suspected that I might not be able to drive my car. I gave it a try and was able to get the car up to the park office, but only just barely. There was no way I could drive in traffic on a busy highway to get home.
Tracy took me from the park to a minor emergency center in Bastrop where I was hoping they could fix me up enough to drive. They took some X-rays, determined nothing was broken and it was only torn ligaments, but that I would not be able to drive for at least a few days, and most likely not for a week or two. They gave me a shot for the pain and big boot to stabilize my foot. I might not be able to drive, but with the boot I could hobble around without crutches for short distances and for that I was extremely grateful. Tracy took me home and found someone to drive my car back from Bastrop, a friend of his who had never met me and no reason to do that, but was more than willing to help out. Not only did I have to rely on my friends, but also the kindness of strangers!
Today I'm working from home. I've got a co-worker who will give me a ride to work tomorrow. What happens after that remains to be seen, but I suspect I'm going to have to lean on people for at least a few more days.
Saturday, October 27, 2018
A party for Rob
Rob didn't want a memorial or a funeral. Instead, he wanted me to throw a big party like the ones we used to do at our house back in the 90's. I chose Saturday, October 20th as the date, hoping by that time I could actually celebrate his life instead of crying the whole time. There were a lot of preparations to be made and out of town guests to accommodate so I was quite busy in the weeks leading up to the event. I decided to hold it at my mom's house since it has a large backyard. Tracy did all of the work to get that house ready for the party, even using his vacation time to do it! We rounded up an assortment of tables and chairs. There weren't enough chairs so I went out and bought some more. There weren't enough beds for the overnight guests so I went out and bought some airbeds (and had to wait over an hour at WalMart just to get someone to unlock the cabinet that held them!) It had been raining for two weeks and was expected to rain the day of the party as well so I went out and bought some popup canopies (it didn't rain.) We hauled PA equipment over there to provide the Rob requested music, both recorded and live. Guests flew in and were picked up at the airport. Then on Saturday morning a crew of friends descended on the party house to start cooking the food and setting things up in the backyard. They did a fantastic job and I'm so grateful because there was no way I could have pulled this off by myself.
The party was everything that a Rob party should be, from the people to the food to the music. I only cried twice, first when Bill brought in a beautiful memorial display and second when Matt Amos played the song that Rob always sang at our friends' memorials, Ain't no Grave. I had planned to get drunk, but ended up spending so much time talking with people that I didn't even get a buzz that night. On the other hand, some of Rob's friends did get extremely drunk and although that might sound like a bad thing, it was just perfect. Because it's not a Rob party unless one or two of the guests have had way too much to drink and have to be carried off to a bed or couch to sleep it off until morning.
It was a fitting tribute to my husband and I was surprised that it provided me with quite a bit of relief. I didn't feel any sort of closure or relief from the funerals for my mom and dad. Those events just seemed to deepen my grief. This did not and I don't know if it was because more time had passed between death and event or if it was because this was truly a celebration and not some dingy, dirge of a funeral. Either way, my recommendation from now on to anyone who loses a spouse is to wait at least a month, and then throw one hell of party.
The party was everything that a Rob party should be, from the people to the food to the music. I only cried twice, first when Bill brought in a beautiful memorial display and second when Matt Amos played the song that Rob always sang at our friends' memorials, Ain't no Grave. I had planned to get drunk, but ended up spending so much time talking with people that I didn't even get a buzz that night. On the other hand, some of Rob's friends did get extremely drunk and although that might sound like a bad thing, it was just perfect. Because it's not a Rob party unless one or two of the guests have had way too much to drink and have to be carried off to a bed or couch to sleep it off until morning.
It was a fitting tribute to my husband and I was surprised that it provided me with quite a bit of relief. I didn't feel any sort of closure or relief from the funerals for my mom and dad. Those events just seemed to deepen my grief. This did not and I don't know if it was because more time had passed between death and event or if it was because this was truly a celebration and not some dingy, dirge of a funeral. Either way, my recommendation from now on to anyone who loses a spouse is to wait at least a month, and then throw one hell of party.
Monday, October 15, 2018
Fall weather
Weather forecast for the Austin area issued 410 PM CDT Mon Oct 15 2018:
- Short term (tonight through Tuesday night)...
- much cooler temperatures along with widespread rain and a few thunderstorms can be found across south central Texas this afternoon. Temperatures are currently in the upper 30s to upper 40s across the region, compared to 24 hours ago when temperatures were mainly in the 80s to lower 90s.
Yep, that's Texas weather for ya - almost a 50 degree drop in 24 hours.
Sunday, October 14, 2018
Grief and life without a smartphone
It's almost been a month since Rob died and overall I've been doing okay. I had some rough days where I'd spontaneously burst into tears at the oddest moments, but as far as I know that's pretty normal given the circumstances. Last week I was at an IT conference and so busy with work that I didn't have time to think about anything except work and the bare minimum daily home requirements (feed the dogs, do laundry, pay bills, etc.) and that pretty much stopped the spontaneous tears, at least for now. For the most part, I've done a whole lot of "one step in front of the other" which fortunately, is something I'm very experienced at doing although I've got to say, it's a bit harder than usual this time.
In the middle of all of this, my smartphone started acting up and pretty much died on me. I ended up spending almost a week with nothing more than a flip phone on a different phone number that could only make phones calls if the stars were aligned just right. Well, it could also get texts, but they were pretty hard to read on that little tiny screen and I never did get the hang of successfully replying to them. It did allow me to call a cab to get to and from the IT conference, but that was about it.
Now that's a pretty minor problem, but when you are in the middle of dealing with the death of your spouse... not so minor. No one had my new flip phone number and all of their phone numbers were all on my old dead phone that I couldn't access anymore. Since I couldn't access it at all, I also couldn't forward my phone calls. And all those applications that I need for work? Nope, not on a flip phone. All those things that require two factor authentication from my old phone number? Nope. It was a huge hassle and not something I wanted to deal with on top of everything else. But deal with it I did and I do now finally have a brand new shiny smartphone. Going forward the only thing I have to deal with is getting everyone my new phone number and tracking down and fixing all the two-factor authentication stuff. And I'll get there. Eventually. Although I haven't quite figured out how I'll notify people whose phone number I no longer have because my old phone is dead, but I guess I'll find someone who knows someone who knows someone. And that actually worked quite well for notifying people of Rob's demise since he kept everyone's phone number in his head and I didn't have half of them, but I ended up hearing from quite a few because one person told another and they told another and.. well, it worked out for the most part.
Now jumping back to the whole phone number change, you might ask, why didn't I just keep my old phone number and save myself the additional hassle of switching to another number? Well, the carrier I used didn't have the model of smartphone that I wanted and while I could have settled for a less desirable phone, I also had promised myself that when then time came that I needed a new phone, then I would switch to my childhood phone number that I had transferred to that recalcitrant flip phone when my mom died. I had memorized that phone number back when I was about two years old and as a result, it's unlikely that I will ever forget it. Unlike my other cell phone number that I could barely remember even though I'd had it for about seven years. So the timing was less than ideal, but I went ahead and followed through with my plan to switch. So what if there's a little bit more chaos when everything else has been turned upside down? Just a drop in the bucket, eh?
I'd also like to mention that my friends, family and employer have all been incredibly supportive during this time and a huge factor in why I've been able to keep myself together and functional during this last month. It would be easy for me to feel very alone right now given that I've lost both my parents and my spouse in just three years time, but everyone around me has let me know that I'm definitely not alone. And Tracy, my best friend, who I've known for over 40 years, has helped with me stuff that I couldn't bring myself to ask for help with and just jumped in and did it anyway. Dude, I so owe you and I hope I can return the favor someday.
In the middle of all of this, my smartphone started acting up and pretty much died on me. I ended up spending almost a week with nothing more than a flip phone on a different phone number that could only make phones calls if the stars were aligned just right. Well, it could also get texts, but they were pretty hard to read on that little tiny screen and I never did get the hang of successfully replying to them. It did allow me to call a cab to get to and from the IT conference, but that was about it.
Now that's a pretty minor problem, but when you are in the middle of dealing with the death of your spouse... not so minor. No one had my new flip phone number and all of their phone numbers were all on my old dead phone that I couldn't access anymore. Since I couldn't access it at all, I also couldn't forward my phone calls. And all those applications that I need for work? Nope, not on a flip phone. All those things that require two factor authentication from my old phone number? Nope. It was a huge hassle and not something I wanted to deal with on top of everything else. But deal with it I did and I do now finally have a brand new shiny smartphone. Going forward the only thing I have to deal with is getting everyone my new phone number and tracking down and fixing all the two-factor authentication stuff. And I'll get there. Eventually. Although I haven't quite figured out how I'll notify people whose phone number I no longer have because my old phone is dead, but I guess I'll find someone who knows someone who knows someone. And that actually worked quite well for notifying people of Rob's demise since he kept everyone's phone number in his head and I didn't have half of them, but I ended up hearing from quite a few because one person told another and they told another and.. well, it worked out for the most part.
Now jumping back to the whole phone number change, you might ask, why didn't I just keep my old phone number and save myself the additional hassle of switching to another number? Well, the carrier I used didn't have the model of smartphone that I wanted and while I could have settled for a less desirable phone, I also had promised myself that when then time came that I needed a new phone, then I would switch to my childhood phone number that I had transferred to that recalcitrant flip phone when my mom died. I had memorized that phone number back when I was about two years old and as a result, it's unlikely that I will ever forget it. Unlike my other cell phone number that I could barely remember even though I'd had it for about seven years. So the timing was less than ideal, but I went ahead and followed through with my plan to switch. So what if there's a little bit more chaos when everything else has been turned upside down? Just a drop in the bucket, eh?
I'd also like to mention that my friends, family and employer have all been incredibly supportive during this time and a huge factor in why I've been able to keep myself together and functional during this last month. It would be easy for me to feel very alone right now given that I've lost both my parents and my spouse in just three years time, but everyone around me has let me know that I'm definitely not alone. And Tracy, my best friend, who I've known for over 40 years, has helped with me stuff that I couldn't bring myself to ask for help with and just jumped in and did it anyway. Dude, I so owe you and I hope I can return the favor someday.
Tuesday, October 02, 2018
It's the start of a new chapter in my life
So very much has happened over the last five years, that I couldn't begin to discuss it all in one post. Here's a short version. Rob had an serious accident on his scooter in October 2013 and almost died from a severe head injury. His recovery was far beyond what the doctors expected and he was able to come home after a couple of months in the hospital. He had a slow and steady improvement, however, he never was able to get back to 100% and return to work. The years of 2014 and part of 2015 were spent helping my mom who had been diagnosed with cancer. She made it through the difficult treatment and was pronounced cancer free at the end of it. Towards the end of 2015 my dad's kidney failure became progressively worse. He managed to pull off one last Christmas with the family, but died in January 2016. A few months later, my mom's cancer returned and she had major surgery and further chemo. We made it through all of that, only to have her experience an allergic reaction to medication which resulted in an emergency tracheotomy. She never really recovered from that and died in July of 2017. The year of 2018 hasn't fared much better. My brother had a heart attack and almost died. Fortunately, he had a successful bypass surgery and recovered completely so I had hopes that I was finally done with this sort of thing. Until Rob started getting sick. He wouldn't go to the doctor, no matter how much his friends and I pushed him to go. And to my great sorrow, Rob died on Monday, September 17th. I thought it was difficult losing my parents, but losing my soulmate has been much, much harder.
Although I am grieving, life does go on and I've decided to pick up this blog again. Writing has always helped me through the tough times in my life and I'm not sure why I stopped posting here during these last five difficult years. Maybe it's because I had so little free time or maybe it's because I just didn't want to write about all the turmoil. Either way, that chapter of my life has closed now so I think I'll give it another go during this next one.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
We celebrate 19 years of marriage today
Rob and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary today. We didn't go out for dinner, but instead stayed home and cooked a very expensive rib-eye steak on the grill and drank some rather expensive locally brewed beer that I brought home in a growler. I haven't found a restaurant yet that can grill a steak better than we can and drinking tasty beer at home means we don't have to worry about who is staying sober enough to drive back out to the boonies where we now live.
There's not any "traditional" gift designation for 19 years, but even if there had been, well, we probably wouldn't have followed that anyway. Rob briefly considered combining the 15 and 20 year gifts by getting me a crystal china-man, but didn't have much luck finding such a thing, at least not in our price range. $3500 for a lamp? Not gonna happen. Instead, he got me a little diorama of a day-of-the-dead skeleton bride and groom. And we were apparently in tune on the day of the day theme since I bought him a day of the day cookie cutter as well as a skull shot glass and some Lil' Devil Cinnamon Toothpicks. Not exactly traditional gifts, but very personal and I think that beats the hell out of diamonds and what-not other things that advertising says you ought to buy for your sweetie.
The anniversary card that Rob gave me pretty much says it all.
There's not any "traditional" gift designation for 19 years, but even if there had been, well, we probably wouldn't have followed that anyway. Rob briefly considered combining the 15 and 20 year gifts by getting me a crystal china-man, but didn't have much luck finding such a thing, at least not in our price range. $3500 for a lamp? Not gonna happen. Instead, he got me a little diorama of a day-of-the-dead skeleton bride and groom. And we were apparently in tune on the day of the day theme since I bought him a day of the day cookie cutter as well as a skull shot glass and some Lil' Devil Cinnamon Toothpicks. Not exactly traditional gifts, but very personal and I think that beats the hell out of diamonds and what-not other things that advertising says you ought to buy for your sweetie.
The anniversary card that Rob gave me pretty much says it all.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
One week is too short, too long and just about right
I was trying to decide if a week of vacation was too short or too long and I've come to the conclusion is that it's both. Today is day four so I'm over the half-way mark. I've managed to get some rest and also get some things done around the house. Although I haven't been at the office, work has never left my mind any more than it ever does. The only difference is that I'm not doing any work-related action. Four days is the same as having a long weekend and that feels about right for a break which makes a week of vacation seem too long.
That said, the fact that I've haven't really stopped "working" nor have I even begun to do any kind of vacation activity, well, that indicates to me that a week is too short. Too short, that is, if I was actually taking time to go off on a vacation. I'm guessing it would take me about a week to unplug from work and then I'd need another week to really have a vacation.
In this case, where I'm taking time off just to prevent dropping dead from exhaustion, one week seems just about right. It took me four days to get to the point where I didn't wake up still tired in the morning, but I woke up at 5 AM this morning, after 8 hours of sleep (what luxury!) and for the first time in months, I didn't have to force myself to put one foot in front of the other. I got up extra early so I could have time for leisurely breakfast before mowing the front lawn at 8 AM. That's a god-awful time to mow the lawn, but any later and it's too hot, plus I wanted to do it before the bees were all over the crepe myrtles. Unfortunately the bees were already out in full force so I'm sure the neighbors were scratching their heads at my mowing technique while I tried to avoid any pissed off bees.
Even at 8 AM, I was hot and sweaty by the time I was done mowing the lawn and I figured I'd just collapse on the couch and be done for the day (other than picking Rob up at the airport tonight.) After all, just a week ago, mowing the lawn would have taken every bit of energy I could have summoned, but today, it was not a big deal and I happily discovered that I wasn't ready to just collapse on the couch. In fact, I'll probably knock out a few more projects before I go pick up Rob at the airport later tonight.
Now that I've bounced back a bit, the next three days are going to seem like what used to be a normal long weekend, back in the old 8 hour M-F days. I'm looking forward to it!
Now that I've bounced back a bit, the next three days are going to seem like what used to be a normal long weekend, back in the old 8 hour M-F days. I'm looking forward to it!
Monday, June 03, 2013
Turns out "a couple of months" was overly optimistic
Things at work did not slow down at the end of March. I am still working pretty much the same hours and to give you a hint of how crazy it's been, I took Saturday night off to attend a memorial service for a close friend, but still ended up having to take a call from work while I was there (fortunately I did not have to leave and drive to the office!) That said, the end might finally be in sight. If I don't drop dead myself before then, I'll be taking an entire week off in mid-June, come hell or high water. No big plans. I'll be hanging out at home and if I can find enough energy, I might get the garage in order. Or not. The only plan is no plan. And no goals, no projects, no deadlines, no waking up to answer work emails or phone calls in the middle of the night, no eating breakfast, lunch and dinner at my computer while still working, no grabbing only 5 or so hours of sleep each night. I'm going to turn off the clocks and sleep as long as I want! Maybe even the entire week.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Avalanche of Work
The first full week of the year kicked off an avalanche of work at my job. Projects that should have been started in September were finally begun and it's now a mad dash to get everything done before March 1st. I've been working seven days a week, with many of those days lasting as long as 12 or 15 hours. I'm not being "forced" to work this much, although I would probably find myself out of a job in a hurry if I wasn't stepping up to the plate and taking on extra work.
The truth is that if I had sat around and waited for duties that fit my job description of "Technical Writer" since my transfer out of Customer Service, then I would have been hard pressed to have enough work for even a part-time position. Mind you, there are plenty of things that need to be "documented", but this would involve other people giving me information and that would take their time away from far more urgent duties. Documentation can always wait, that is, until the only person that knows how to do something is no longer around. But as long as that person is still available, there are just too many other competing priorities which leaves me with very little to do in my official capacity.
However, I am not the kind of person who is happy sitting around with nothing to do so I managed to stay busy by scrounging around for projects and tasks. This was not easily done at a company where projects aren't announced to the company as a whole and I would only hear about them on the grapevine, but I was able to find plenty of work to do thanks to a lot of groundwork on my part. In fact, I actually invented several of them which meant I had to "sell" it to management. I was, for all intents and purposes, a freelancer, albeit one with with a boss and a steady salary.
And so there I was towards the end of last year, still scrounging around for work and still waiting for my manager to give me more official duties when all of a sudden things got turned upside down. I'm not going to go into details, but end result was that my manager resigned and a recently employed consultant ended up in charge of the department. This consultant had already told me that there was going to be no room for me in the newly restructured Information Technology department so the fact that he was now my manager meant that I was under even more pressure to make a place for myself.
I suppose that sounds like a somewhat reasonable explanation for the workload I'm currently experiencing, but it's not the whole story. I could always say no, take a layoff and find another job. And the company could easily replace me with a fresh-faced college student for much of what I'm currently doing (although they would have to pay them a higher salary and probably take a big hit on work ethics.) Instead, I'm doing this because I love the challenge and it gives me the opportunity to update my IT skill set in an actual production environment. And if that means working my ass off for a couple of month, then so be it.
That said, I'm still going to whine on occasion about what I know is ultimately a personal choice because at the end of a 15 hour day, sometimes it just feels damn good to whine and complain. And if I do, there's no need to tell me that it's all my own fault; I'm already perfectly aware of that.
The truth is that if I had sat around and waited for duties that fit my job description of "Technical Writer" since my transfer out of Customer Service, then I would have been hard pressed to have enough work for even a part-time position. Mind you, there are plenty of things that need to be "documented", but this would involve other people giving me information and that would take their time away from far more urgent duties. Documentation can always wait, that is, until the only person that knows how to do something is no longer around. But as long as that person is still available, there are just too many other competing priorities which leaves me with very little to do in my official capacity.
However, I am not the kind of person who is happy sitting around with nothing to do so I managed to stay busy by scrounging around for projects and tasks. This was not easily done at a company where projects aren't announced to the company as a whole and I would only hear about them on the grapevine, but I was able to find plenty of work to do thanks to a lot of groundwork on my part. In fact, I actually invented several of them which meant I had to "sell" it to management. I was, for all intents and purposes, a freelancer, albeit one with with a boss and a steady salary.
And so there I was towards the end of last year, still scrounging around for work and still waiting for my manager to give me more official duties when all of a sudden things got turned upside down. I'm not going to go into details, but end result was that my manager resigned and a recently employed consultant ended up in charge of the department. This consultant had already told me that there was going to be no room for me in the newly restructured Information Technology department so the fact that he was now my manager meant that I was under even more pressure to make a place for myself.
I suppose that sounds like a somewhat reasonable explanation for the workload I'm currently experiencing, but it's not the whole story. I could always say no, take a layoff and find another job. And the company could easily replace me with a fresh-faced college student for much of what I'm currently doing (although they would have to pay them a higher salary and probably take a big hit on work ethics.) Instead, I'm doing this because I love the challenge and it gives me the opportunity to update my IT skill set in an actual production environment. And if that means working my ass off for a couple of month, then so be it.
That said, I'm still going to whine on occasion about what I know is ultimately a personal choice because at the end of a 15 hour day, sometimes it just feels damn good to whine and complain. And if I do, there's no need to tell me that it's all my own fault; I'm already perfectly aware of that.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Hello 2013
I've not blogged much over the last three years, a time when while my life took quite a few unexpected twists and turns. If this had been a truly anonymous blog then I'm sure I would have posted a great deal, but since it was not, that left me with so many elephants in the room that I got to a point where I just couldn't seem to write a blog post that wouldn't somehow reveal information about things that were best left private.
I've always considered this blog to be a journal. A chronicle of bit and pieces of daily life, perhaps boring and routine, but I find those are the posts I enjoy the most when looking back through them. It's the same with my private journals, written from the age of six to my mid-thirties. These private journals contain plenty of entries filled with emotional angst, but I've discovered that those are not the entries that hold my interest so many years later. Instead, it is the entries about the routine, the mundane, those every day things that didn't seem important enough to mention or write down but occasionally would sneak their way in to my writing.
And while I'm quite happy that I didn't fill this blog with much of the emotional turmoil that has taken place recently, I do wish I had been able to see past the elephants and post more often. Even if it was just about the weather and what I cooked for dinner that night. I'll try to remember that for 2013.
I've always considered this blog to be a journal. A chronicle of bit and pieces of daily life, perhaps boring and routine, but I find those are the posts I enjoy the most when looking back through them. It's the same with my private journals, written from the age of six to my mid-thirties. These private journals contain plenty of entries filled with emotional angst, but I've discovered that those are not the entries that hold my interest so many years later. Instead, it is the entries about the routine, the mundane, those every day things that didn't seem important enough to mention or write down but occasionally would sneak their way in to my writing.
And while I'm quite happy that I didn't fill this blog with much of the emotional turmoil that has taken place recently, I do wish I had been able to see past the elephants and post more often. Even if it was just about the weather and what I cooked for dinner that night. I'll try to remember that for 2013.
Saturday, September 08, 2012
A leap of faith
Today we turn in our signed lease on a house and get handed some new keys. The rent on the house is reasonable by Austin standards, but will be considerably more that the rent on the apartment or, for that matter, more than any other single monthly payment either of us have ever had in our lives. But that's not the only leap of faith we are taking since we are also breaking our lease on the apartment, just two months after renewing it. That will be a rather expensive thing to do, unless we are able to sublease it quickly.
The circumstances that brought us to this point were what most people would call a strange mix of coincidence. A co-worker has a rental house that we were hoping to get before we renewed the apartment lease, but his tenant decided to stay another year so we renewed the lease on apartment instead. Then about three weeks ago, my co-worker's tenant gave notice and moved out immediately. That made the house available, but we had renewed the apartment lease and besides, we didn't have the extra cash needed to pay another deposit plus double rent for at least a month. My co-worker advertised the house for a bargain rent price so it would rent quickly and we figured that was the end of that.
Labor Day weekend came along and the RV sold "as is" on the same day that I had it scheduled to be it moved into the shop for some minor repairs. At that point I had some cash, but did I really want to spend it on breaking a lease and moving into a house? And was my co-worker's house at the bargain price even still available?
I returned to work on Tuesday and talked with my co-worker who said the house was still available. Despite my misgivings about the whole idea, I decided to go take a look at the house on Wednesday so I could make an informed decision. I was not expecting to walk in the door of the house and get one of those "gut feelings" that I've had so many times in my life. But that is exactly what happened; I got that feeling of "this is the next logical step". But just the same as I did with the RV purchase, I tried to talk myself out of it. I had the idea that there was no way Rob would agree to go look at the house that day after work since he always wants to go straight home (which is understandable, I usually feel the same way.) Even if he did go look at it, he might not like the house and I already knew how he felt about the hassle of moving since we had discussed this prior to renewing our lease - he wasn't going to go for it unless it was the right house.
Much to my surprise, Rob not only went and looked at the house, but he also liked it. That left me with only one thing to use against the whole idea - the expense of breaking the apartment lease. That could cost me several thousand dollars, maybe more. Or it might only cost $200 if we were able to sublease quickly. That made it a gamble and I'm a person that has a risk-adverse personality. Despite my worries, all that night long and all the next day, no matter what I said to myself, I couldn't shake the feeling that getting the house was the direction I needed to take. And so I took the leap and dragged Rob along with me. It will be interesting to see how it all works out.
The circumstances that brought us to this point were what most people would call a strange mix of coincidence. A co-worker has a rental house that we were hoping to get before we renewed the apartment lease, but his tenant decided to stay another year so we renewed the lease on apartment instead. Then about three weeks ago, my co-worker's tenant gave notice and moved out immediately. That made the house available, but we had renewed the apartment lease and besides, we didn't have the extra cash needed to pay another deposit plus double rent for at least a month. My co-worker advertised the house for a bargain rent price so it would rent quickly and we figured that was the end of that.
Labor Day weekend came along and the RV sold "as is" on the same day that I had it scheduled to be it moved into the shop for some minor repairs. At that point I had some cash, but did I really want to spend it on breaking a lease and moving into a house? And was my co-worker's house at the bargain price even still available?
I returned to work on Tuesday and talked with my co-worker who said the house was still available. Despite my misgivings about the whole idea, I decided to go take a look at the house on Wednesday so I could make an informed decision. I was not expecting to walk in the door of the house and get one of those "gut feelings" that I've had so many times in my life. But that is exactly what happened; I got that feeling of "this is the next logical step". But just the same as I did with the RV purchase, I tried to talk myself out of it. I had the idea that there was no way Rob would agree to go look at the house that day after work since he always wants to go straight home (which is understandable, I usually feel the same way.) Even if he did go look at it, he might not like the house and I already knew how he felt about the hassle of moving since we had discussed this prior to renewing our lease - he wasn't going to go for it unless it was the right house.
Much to my surprise, Rob not only went and looked at the house, but he also liked it. That left me with only one thing to use against the whole idea - the expense of breaking the apartment lease. That could cost me several thousand dollars, maybe more. Or it might only cost $200 if we were able to sublease quickly. That made it a gamble and I'm a person that has a risk-adverse personality. Despite my worries, all that night long and all the next day, no matter what I said to myself, I couldn't shake the feeling that getting the house was the direction I needed to take. And so I took the leap and dragged Rob along with me. It will be interesting to see how it all works out.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Hello ham radio, goodbye RV
My dad and my brother both were ham radio operators when I was growing up and eventually my mom and I also got our Technician class licenses (my brother holds the next level, a General class and my dad has what used to be the next level above General which is an Advanced class.)
As a young adult, I didn't have the time or the money to get seriously into the hobby and eventually let my license expire. That was quite a long time ago, but I suspect once Ham Radio gets in your blood, it's always there lurking, just waiting for something to trigger the fever again. I say this because a couple of weeks ago, while surfing the internet, I inadvertently stumbled across some of the new things going on in the world of Ham Radio. Well, maybe not so new to folks active in the hobby, but new to me since I had been away from it for 20 years.
I did a little checking and most of the things that had caught my attention could be done with only a Technician class license. I figured it wouldn't take too much study to retest and since there was an exam date of June 16th, that would give me two weeks to get back up to snuff. I took a couple of practice exams to see what I might need to brush up on and much to my surprise, I found that I had not forgotten much at all. In fact, it only took one day of study before I could easily pass the practice tests. Since I still had almost two weeks to go before exam day, I decided I would study for the General exam. If I could pass this, it would be a nice surprise for my father on Father's Day because it would mean that I would be able to transmit on his favorite HF bands (something I could not do with just a Technician license.)
Yesterday I took the tests. First was the Technician exam which I sailed through and then the General exam which I also sailed through. As a result, the examiners were quite insistent that I take the Extra exam next. I knew there was no way I'd pass that one since I hadn't even looked at the question pool or studied for it and it's got some pretty esoteric stuff on it. But they strongly encouraged me to take it anyway as a way to get acquainted with what was on the test and since it didn't cost anything but a little extra bit of my time, why not?
Needless to say, I did not pass that test, but I did manage to get 27 out of 50 answers correct, far more than I expected. The half I didn't get right included quite a few things I'd never even heard of, but it all seemed like things that I could learn if I applied a little bit of effort. I don't really need an Extra class license at this point, but it would give my dad quite a thrill if I could achieve it. It's something to think about in a few months, after I've finished moving out of the RV.
Yes, my RV days are over. I've enjoyed living there the last two years, but with Rob and I moving back together, the RV is way too small for two people and two dogs. Instead, we'll be living in an apartment for a while. And while an apartment will make getting back into ham radio a bit of a challenge since my antenna choices will be limited, it's the best option at the moment.
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
R.I.P. Maurice Sendak
"Where the Wild Things Are" is my favorite book of all time. Having read thousands upon thousands of books in my lifetime so far, I'm surprised that I can say that one stands above all the rest. But for me, this one does.
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
2012 has been a steamroller so far
It's been a very busy three months. On the work front, we had a major project that needed to be complete before the start of peak season in April. Despite the typical setbacks and delays you get with any major project, we were able to push it to production in early March. And in any other year, this timing would have been just fine, but this year it seemed like the entire US had an early spring. Business had already spiked up by then and it feels like it's been a madhouse at work for the entire year. First there was the push to get the project done, then the push to handle all the extra, unexpected business. For the last month I've been spending over half my work hours helping out in Customer Service taking calls while trying to still get my regular work done. It's a good problem to have in this economy, but it does leave me pretty damn tired at the end of the day.
Other things are afoot in my personal life that have brought some major changes in my routine, all of them good, but even good change adds a bit of additional stress. Over the next few months I hope to find the time to get get my RV ready to sell and if things work out, I might be moving back into a house in June. If the deal on the house falls through, then maybe a duplex. I'd even go for an apartment if I could find one with a small yard (a few of those do exist in this town.) Affordable will be tough to find in this rental market where even a small duplex or two bedroom apartment can run over $1000/month. I've asked for a pretty substantial raise at work that would let me qualify for such a rental amount, but given that raises have been on hold since November plus the fact that my "regular" job might be changing to something else... that means a raise is not something I can count on.
Overall, there's much that's uncertain in my life right now, both at work and at home, and given the track record of the last couple of years, I think this is the new normal. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it can make life seem just a bit more challenging at times. Ah well, at least I'm not bored.
PS - those of you that are long overdue for an email from me, my apologies.
Other things are afoot in my personal life that have brought some major changes in my routine, all of them good, but even good change adds a bit of additional stress. Over the next few months I hope to find the time to get get my RV ready to sell and if things work out, I might be moving back into a house in June. If the deal on the house falls through, then maybe a duplex. I'd even go for an apartment if I could find one with a small yard (a few of those do exist in this town.) Affordable will be tough to find in this rental market where even a small duplex or two bedroom apartment can run over $1000/month. I've asked for a pretty substantial raise at work that would let me qualify for such a rental amount, but given that raises have been on hold since November plus the fact that my "regular" job might be changing to something else... that means a raise is not something I can count on.
Overall, there's much that's uncertain in my life right now, both at work and at home, and given the track record of the last couple of years, I think this is the new normal. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it can make life seem just a bit more challenging at times. Ah well, at least I'm not bored.
PS - those of you that are long overdue for an email from me, my apologies.
Monday, January 09, 2012
Hello there 2012...
Last year wasn't a particularly bad year, but it certainly didn't have very many high points. The fact that I'm still employed is a plus, considering the number of people who don't have jobs right now. I'm still doing the technical writing job and I still live in an RV. My dog, Theo, is also still hanging out. He doesn't get around as well as he used to, but considering he is well over 15 years old and a large dog who has lived far beyond expectations, I'm thrilled that he's decided to stick around. I seem to be in a holding pattern at the moment, just in a "one foot in front of the other" mode, but I do have my eye on a renting a house in the spring. It may not happen, but I need something to get me focused looking forward and that seemed as good a thing as any.
Last year wasn't a particularly bad year, but it certainly didn't have very many high points. The fact that I'm still employed is a plus, considering the number of people who don't have jobs right now. I'm still doing the technical writing job and I still live in an RV. My dog, Theo, is also still hanging out. He doesn't get around as well as he used to, but considering he is well over 15 years old and a large dog who has lived far beyond expectations, I'm thrilled that he's decided to stick around. I seem to be in a holding pattern at the moment, just in a "one foot in front of the other" mode, but I do have my eye on a renting a house in the spring. It may not happen, but I need something to get me focused looking forward and that seemed as good a thing as any.
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
I figure food is a safe bet...
I'm on the morale boosting committee at work this month. It's a rotating position for three people who are charged with decorating the office in general and decorating the cubical or office door of anyone with a birthday that month (on their birthday.) We also coordinate a monthly potluck and come up with games/puzzles/some sort of activity with a prize for the winner. The only budgeted items are one cake a month for all the birthdays and a couple of gift cards for prizes. The committee last month set the bar pretty high with lots of activities, tons of decorations brought in from the committee members' personal collections and little Halloween trinkets on our desks in the mornings. It's going to be a tough act to follow.
Rob donated some fall harvest decorations he found on sale at Walgreen's and I found some red leaf garlands at Dollar Tree, but I'm afraid our office decorations are going to be a bit sparse this month since no one has a personal stash of decorations appropriate for November. However, I figure with the Thanksgiving holiday falling in this month, I can just make it all about food.
Tonight I'm making three dozen deviled eggs to take in to work tomorrow morning. Total cost, if you don't count the time, was under $5. Items planned for other days are homemade Chex mix, Rob's famous V-8 chili, a big pot of my homemade potato soup, a batch of cookies, maybe some cupcakes and who knows, perhaps I"ll spend one weekend making bread. I've got a couple of other easy and cheap dishes up my sleeve, but don't know yet if I want to devote almost every weeknight to cooking.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Happy Halloween!
Been a while since I've been here. I turned 50 back in September and did not buy that red BMW, nor did one magically materialize. At some point last year I decided I didn't really want one and the same happened with the new Camaro that caught my eye for a time. I'm pretty much against car payments and apparently I don't have enough desire for a new car to save up for one. I figure that no new car on the planet is worth eating ramen noodles all the time and forgoing decent coffee.
I'm still doing the tech writer thing with some phone coverage for customer service. It's an okay gig, but really low pay and no raise in sight. I often feel like I ought be performing at 120%, working longer hours or trying even harder to become some sort of brilliant, "document everything in a blink of an eye" employee because, well, that's how I've always operated. Then I remember that past history has shown that sort of behavior rarely results in a raise and usually only benefits my employer who continues to get more bang for his buck. This puts me in a quandary. I'm usually not happy in a job unless I'm pushing myself, but I'm also not happy when the "above and beyond" behavior isn't rewarded. You'd think after all these years in the work force I would have found a happy median between the two.
The people I work with, for the most part, are still a great group. We had our Halloween potluck today and I brought enough enchiladas for everyone. I had planned to make them myself, but Rob chased me out of the kitchen last night and I did give credit where credit was due when everyone raved about how good they were. It's nice that even though the company is growing we are still hanging onto some of the old smaller business traditions. Not so many dressed up today, but that was likely due to Halloween falling on a Monday. If I hadn't had such a simple costume, I probably would have passed on it myself.
Speaking of Mondays, I'm heading to bed early tonight despite the fact that it's Halloween, my favorite holiday of the year. Hope everyone had plenty of treats and fewer tricks today.
I'm still doing the tech writer thing with some phone coverage for customer service. It's an okay gig, but really low pay and no raise in sight. I often feel like I ought be performing at 120%, working longer hours or trying even harder to become some sort of brilliant, "document everything in a blink of an eye" employee because, well, that's how I've always operated. Then I remember that past history has shown that sort of behavior rarely results in a raise and usually only benefits my employer who continues to get more bang for his buck. This puts me in a quandary. I'm usually not happy in a job unless I'm pushing myself, but I'm also not happy when the "above and beyond" behavior isn't rewarded. You'd think after all these years in the work force I would have found a happy median between the two.
The people I work with, for the most part, are still a great group. We had our Halloween potluck today and I brought enough enchiladas for everyone. I had planned to make them myself, but Rob chased me out of the kitchen last night and I did give credit where credit was due when everyone raved about how good they were. It's nice that even though the company is growing we are still hanging onto some of the old smaller business traditions. Not so many dressed up today, but that was likely due to Halloween falling on a Monday. If I hadn't had such a simple costume, I probably would have passed on it myself.
Speaking of Mondays, I'm heading to bed early tonight despite the fact that it's Halloween, my favorite holiday of the year. Hope everyone had plenty of treats and fewer tricks today.
Friday, September 02, 2011
We might finally get a break from this heat!
Tonight the weather forecast had this to say:
More stable conditions will quickly follow on Sunday night and Monday...with daytime highs on Monday moderated...from the much above normal daytime highs since late May. For next week from Monday through Friday...dry conditions are expected...with cooler overnight lows and moderated daytime highs.
Only got to 101 today so it's a bit cooler outside this evening (down to 96 degrees at the moment.) I think I might even sit outside with a cold beer just like in the old days before the summer from hell arrived.
Tonight the weather forecast had this to say:
More stable conditions will quickly follow on Sunday night and Monday...with daytime highs on Monday moderated...from the much above normal daytime highs since late May. For next week from Monday through Friday...dry conditions are expected...with cooler overnight lows and moderated daytime highs.
Only got to 101 today so it's a bit cooler outside this evening (down to 96 degrees at the moment.) I think I might even sit outside with a cold beer just like in the old days before the summer from hell arrived.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Plodding along
The weather has been brutal this summer. We've had week after week of high temperatures over 100 degrees and it's usually still over 100 degrees outside when I get home around 7:00 PM. The little A/C unit for RV can't handle these very hot and sunny afternoons so the inside temperature is normally sitting at 88 degrees when I walk in the door. That feels pretty warm after spending the whole day in a cold office.
This is also the time of year when it doesn't cool down much outside in the evenings so it's likely to still be 100 degrees outside at 10:00 PM. Instead of my usual after work ritual of being outdoors, I've been staying inside in the evenings whether I'm at home or at someone else's place. Mind you, visiting other folks does give me a change of scenery, but it's still too much time indoors.
In other news, my dad is doing as well as can be expected and plans to attend the family reunion in Fredericksburg this weekend. I'll actually get to go this year now that I'm no longer working weekends. I'm not looking forward to the drive, but I am looking forward to visiting with relatives that I have not seen in years and years.
Work has been keeping me very busy and things are rather chaotic since it's a new position doing things that have not been done before. It's challenging, interesting and occasionally frustrating, but I'm enjoying it for the most part. I forget to go to lunch most days because I get too wrapped up in what I'm working on to notice the time. I consider that a good sign, even if it's not particularly good for my health.
Theo is still hanging in there. Apparently he really likes the TV because when I would occasionally watch it in the evenings, he'd struggle to get off the bed and come out to the living room. And as soon as I would turn it off, he'd struggle back onto the bed. I decided to move it to the bedroom and run the cable in through one of the cabinets so I could just leave it on for him all the time. He seems very happy with the arrangement so far, especially when I do come back there to watch something. The only problem is that it's right by the foot of the bed and even though I've turned it off at night to go to sleep, I frequently wake up in the middle of the night to infomercials. I think he's just accidentally hitting the on button, but I suppose he could have figured out how to turn it on.
The weather has been brutal this summer. We've had week after week of high temperatures over 100 degrees and it's usually still over 100 degrees outside when I get home around 7:00 PM. The little A/C unit for RV can't handle these very hot and sunny afternoons so the inside temperature is normally sitting at 88 degrees when I walk in the door. That feels pretty warm after spending the whole day in a cold office.
This is also the time of year when it doesn't cool down much outside in the evenings so it's likely to still be 100 degrees outside at 10:00 PM. Instead of my usual after work ritual of being outdoors, I've been staying inside in the evenings whether I'm at home or at someone else's place. Mind you, visiting other folks does give me a change of scenery, but it's still too much time indoors.
In other news, my dad is doing as well as can be expected and plans to attend the family reunion in Fredericksburg this weekend. I'll actually get to go this year now that I'm no longer working weekends. I'm not looking forward to the drive, but I am looking forward to visiting with relatives that I have not seen in years and years.
Work has been keeping me very busy and things are rather chaotic since it's a new position doing things that have not been done before. It's challenging, interesting and occasionally frustrating, but I'm enjoying it for the most part. I forget to go to lunch most days because I get too wrapped up in what I'm working on to notice the time. I consider that a good sign, even if it's not particularly good for my health.
Theo is still hanging in there. Apparently he really likes the TV because when I would occasionally watch it in the evenings, he'd struggle to get off the bed and come out to the living room. And as soon as I would turn it off, he'd struggle back onto the bed. I decided to move it to the bedroom and run the cable in through one of the cabinets so I could just leave it on for him all the time. He seems very happy with the arrangement so far, especially when I do come back there to watch something. The only problem is that it's right by the foot of the bed and even though I've turned it off at night to go to sleep, I frequently wake up in the middle of the night to infomercials. I think he's just accidentally hitting the on button, but I suppose he could have figured out how to turn it on.
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