MONDAY ON A TUESDAY
As I was driving into work this morning,or,as I prefer to call it my morning game of dodge car,my phone rang.Well,"rang" doesn't really describe it,it makes noises like crickets even though it's called cicada...if it really sounded like cicadas it would be awesome,but as it is it is less than annoying than the other ringtone choices for this particular phone...but more about that later.
It was our (currently ill) general manager informing me in that froggy sick voice that he would be in, but later in the morning around 10. He sounded like shit,but ok man,see you at 10.
At 9:30 he called to say that his left ear had "shut down" and he wouldn't be coming after all...no biggie,it was cold and dreary to austin standards,and it would be slow.
Wrong...horribly general george custer wrong.It was a fucking madhouse all-day-long.
The office phone and my mobile rang constantly... many of my coworkers are either afraid of the phone,are above the phone or have a particular form of autism that filters out the phone.So the bulk of the calls fall on myself and two other brave souls who aren't afraid to deal with customers.
People were in and out of the store in an endless stream...customers,sales reps,office reps...our technicians and support staff, and they all wanted to talk to me.My coffee got cold,my breakfast taco got cold,every time I tried to steal away for a quick smoke,the phone would ring or somebody else would pull up in the parking lot. Here's a sample event:
ME: Can I help you? (phone ringing off the wall)
CUSTOMER: We need light feekstures.(still ringing)
ME: Bulbs or complete fixtures?(STILL ringing,multiple lines ringing in)
CUSTOMER : feekstures.(PA announcing I have a call on line one, two technicians approach the counter,stand next to the customer and stare at me like my dogs do when they want a treat)
ME: What kind of fixtures are they?(PA annoucing I have a call on line two,line one is still holding,the technicians are shifting impatiently on their feet and my cell phone starts chirping at me)
CUSTOMER: Silence ( adopting the deer in the headlights stare)-(phone is still ringing, I take line one and my cell is now announcing a voicemail AND starts chirping at me again...one technician realizes he is not the center of the universe and retreats,the other is holding fast and probably calculating the time left before I start shooting)
ME:(step out from behind the counter to play fixture show and tell with my now mute confused looking customer,figure out what they need.remaining tech is following me around the showroom ,I ignore him) How long of a cord do you need?
CUSTOMER: -unintelligible-feet.
ME: How many feet? (repeat three or four times until I write down the possibilities on a piece of paper and make him point...think to myself "learn english!" immediately followed by "time to bust out the spanish CD's again" vague feelings of guilt wash over me...Phone is STILL ringing)
AAAAUUUUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MULTI-TASKING SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I mentioned in a past post,we have switched over to a new accounting system (it still sucks).It is now in "full" operation...we have officially stopped using our old,less sucky system in tandem with it,it is stand alone (albiet with braces and a walker).
I have a week or so lead on the learning curve for it so interject into the above numerous intercom requests to come sort something out for some of my coworkers and the frequent "god damnit! you piece of shit" and other like comments emanating through the walls.People hurling abuse at their computers and looking to be on the verge of a psychotic episode.
Invoicing and purchase orders are a particular challenge, for example:
with the old system you would enter part number xyz into the screen and part number xyz would appear as a line item. With the new system xyz gets you a "that is not an inventory item,would you like to add it to inventory?".NO!!!I don't want to add it to the inventory...because it's ALREADY THERE! you retarded cousin of the system I've grown to love. If you put in xyz00000000000000000000000000 it comes up.
abc5 and abc50 are two different items,factor in the zeros and they are the same...really,observe:
abc5000000000000000000 and abc5000000000000000000. we have achieved symbiosis,and the system has a knack for defaulting to the opposite item you want to enter.
Isn't that cute? NO! It's not.And while I have had a week or so to adjust,my coworkers are just discovering the new found joy of trading your computer in for an abacus and you can imagine the resulting angst and tumult.
On a quieter day,the angst and rumination would have been amusing...not today.
We will be over this in a few weeks,but right now we are somewhere around the 6th level of hell.

THE WONDERS OF TECHNOLOGY
I've been trying to call Ann off and on today and the phone just rings and rings.I called SBC and they have identified a "problem" on the line....I can tell you what the problem is:old antiquated switchboxes and connections all over our neighborhood.
You'd figure email would be a viable option...but no,our email at work has been overrun by spammers and we are now on at least 7 blacklists...so any email I send from here gets auto ditched.
So,with that said...Ann, I'll stop at the store on the way home and,well,I guess I'll punt:).....

ART
I have always been a wanna be artist , since I can remember. I have always drawn,written songs or done some other related artsy thing all my life.
Probably the most prolific thing I did (besides getting tattoos) was cartooning.
I started the cartooning thing in junior high school and continued with it off and on till the late 80's early '90's...sadly,I don't have much of what I produced in school...but somewhere around 1983 I created a character named Brillo and his friends...I didn't start out to make an autobiographical cartoon,but that's what it became...I was Brill' and his friends were my friends, and the adventures mirrored what were the cultural times of the day: punk rock (the austin version anyway) , drug use, relationships...oh the hell with it:sex,drugs and rock and roll.
I have a notebook somewhere with the bulk of these cartoons in it...if I can find it,I thought I'd scan them and post them here every once and a while...hey,why not?

IT'S RENOVATION TIME
Tonight we spent talking about what were gonna do to the house over dinner and drinks at,yes...fucking Maudies...our home away from.
It's very exciting to look ahead and think of how cool the possibilities are...the bathroom,the kitchen...fencing in the front yard...opening up the whole house with a systematic demolition of walls and other obstructions.Developing a plan that goes beyond how to pay the next light bill.
I'm starting to get fired up...this kind of change is good.

Fun and Games
Damn, Blogger and/or Blogspot ate my post and I don't have time to retype it because I've got to attempt to turn into the Mr. Clean "white tornado" this morning. On my best days, I do good to imitate a "white dustdevil". Usually, it's nothing more than a barely discernable movement in the sand. Fortuantly there's this bright round ball in the sky (I think it's called the sun) which means the laundry that I put on the clothesline this morning might actually be dry by nightfall. And words cannot describe the joy I feel upon knowing that I need to scrub the toliet bowl today to prevent it from spawning some alien life form later this week while I'm at work. No, a post about how much fun I had at my new job this weekend will have to wait, but I will say that I had a great time and this post title is a better description of my weekend than the using the word "work".

YOUR WET HEART (AN ODE TO 1987)
I was recently divorced and on the tail end of a 4 year speed binge that played a major role in the reason I was divorced and why I was with the woman I was with...a woman I would be with for the next 8 years and (fortunately) live to regret each and every one of them.
"It's not your fault
it's no fault at all
she only wants you to join in her fall"
Speed is an interesting drug...I'm not talking about the white crosses I took when I was a 15 year old,I'm talking about crank...methamphetimine or the biker bathtub version you snort or inject.I was a nose guy,the gimme another bump dude kind of speed freak.
What started as a weekend diversion led to a daily chasing of the buzz. All of us were doing it,all the time.I remember being in a training school and I went to the bathroom to do a line off the sink,I looked in the mirror and saw a ring of dried blood around my left nostril. I didn't wonder how long it had been there or how many of my co-workers had seen it...I washed it off and snorted through my right nostril-back to class...lunch?no thanks,just a coke and a smoke please.
I could go on about what a substance abusing fool I was but you get the point (I hope).
This is really about the music of '87 and how it played into the chaos that was my life.
Speed was all about being intense...do a line,smoke a joint,drink some beer and have intense "meaningful" conversations while the music of the day rolled around the turntable in that glorious analog hiss.
"And the voice says to me....
You are alone,you are not free"
A favorite in '87 was thin white rope...dark loopy music made by guys who were either doing the same drugs we were or knew how to feed into the buzz...the record was called "moonhead" (which I found on CD yesterday as Ann wrote...she's knows it's a favorite,but doesn't know the details).
"Stiff-walking like a seeing eye
Your hand too dry to hold
What disappointed you
To make you act so old"?
As I said,I was divorced...which meant I was not with my son,I was with a woman who,had I been honest with myself,was a diversion.On some level I always knew this but never acknowledged it,after all we were in"love".What we had, really, was a drug addled fantasy with lots of good sex(initially).It was a diversion that lasted 8 years until I figured out what I really wanted.
I was angry...I was strung out (though I never admitted it) and I was alone.Surrounded by people, but alone. I was surrounded by other people altered by speed engaging in hours of ultimately meaningless conversation,bearing the secrets of our souls to each other around a coffee table with a mirror and a straw and a razor and vials destined to be filled with water and drunk when there was no more to be railed out.
And the music played over it all...dark,angry music...a music that propelled us along,fed our need to understand why we were so angry,so sad...so lost.
"She doesn't like to compare scars
I shrug and say "it's your wet heart"
She wants to be a mystery
I'm sorry theres no way to be
I guess I'll go on wondering
If she was hiding anything"
Those days are long past for me now,but I remember them,clearly-like it was yesterday.
You wouldn't think a trip to the record store could be anything but......but.

Countries I've visited; US states I've visited
This seems to be making the rounds, but I'm not going to bother posting a map since it would be mostly green. Look folks, I was born in Texas. Specifically, in Austin, TX which is pretty damn close to the middle of the state. I've always lived in Austin and to make things even weirder, I've always lived within a few miles of my childhood home. Now it takes a while to get from Austin to the border of Texas in any particular direction and if you are as adverse to flying as I am, you're limited by the amount of drive time it takes to get from point A to point B. And point B usually ends up residing still in the state of Texas when the only vacation time you get is a long weekend once and a while. I've been to Mexico. I've ventured into Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico and Louisiana. I once drove (rather than fly) to a conference in Washington, DC but all those states on the way were just a blur of scenery in my windshield while I hauled ass so I could spend three days locked up in a hotel conference room. Hardly qualifies as visiting, though I did skip out on a conference session so I could cruise the Smithsonian for a few hours. I learned my lesson on that trip and subsequently bit the bullet and took a plane to Las Vegas and Canada for other work-related conferences. But to catch a plane to just visit someplace for fun? Not likely to happen. Now I did say that if I won the lottery tonight that I would fly over to Ingerland and buy billy a drink at his favorite pub. But that's only because if I won the lottery, I could afford to fly first class so I wouldn't have to deal with someone's elbows poking into my ribs or the person in front of me reclining into my face, plus I could afford to drink enough booze that I wouldn't care that I was on a plane for gord knows how many hours. Rob, however, would not be joining me. There's no way in hell you'd get him to set foot on a plane to England, no matter how many "rocks, no salt" you poured down his throat. One of these days we would like to go to England and see where his mom's from and maybe give some of the long lost relatives a good scare, but we haven't figured out how we'd get there. I won't set foot on a cruise liner. Oceanic cruises scare me far more than planes do (I blame The Poseidon Adventure.) Rob won't set foot on a plane. And as of yet, there's no way to drive to England from here. Damn.

The return of a family tradition.
Starting the very first week after Rob and I hooked up and became a couple, we have had a tradition of having dinner (or lunch or brunch) at our favorite restaurant and then heading over to Waterloo to buy music CDs, usually around payday or sometimes, just cuz. I had always made a nice salary and music is a very important part of our life so instead of vacations in the Cayman Islands, we spent that kind of money on CDs. After I lost my job, we didn't feel like we had the money to spare and quite frankly, our CD collection was large enough that we had no lack of music to spin in the CD player over this last year. But there's so much more music out there and so today, after I got home from my new job, we headed over to Waterloo to celebrate. Just like always, Rob headed for the new CD section and I high-tailed it over to the used bin. I just can't bring myself to buy a CD new unless it's something I really want and I've already searched the used bin for years with no luck. This new purchase is usually reserved for old stuff that I once had on vinyl and left in the possession of the ex-husband (who ended up with everything but some of my clothes, a few books and some trinkets from my childhood, but that's a story for another day.) I like to shop the used bin because, in my mind, it means I can take a chance on unfamiliar music. Maybe I've heard of this band, or maybe I have some of their stuff, but don't know if this particular release is crap or not. Or maybe I've never heard of them at all, but the cover artwork is intriguing. For $6 or less, I'll give it a try. Or if it's something I know that I want or has at least one song that I really like than I might spend as much as $9 on it. As far as I'm concerned, the used bin is a lot more fun than the new racks. Rob, on the other hand, is much better at knowing exactly what he wants and doesn't mind paying the full price for it. In all the years that we've done this, he's only returned a CD once. I've ended up with some weird stuff, but nothing I've ever wanted to return. Here's what we scored tonight:

Rob bought:
Thin White Rope - Moonhead (he has this on vinyl)
Johnny Cash - American IV: The Man Comes Around

Ann bought:
Montrose - Paper Money (my ex has my vinyl copy)
Cracker - Forever (never heard it, but I have other Cracker CDs)
Megadeth - Risk (also never heard it, but I have lots of Megadeth from the old days)

We're working our way through them in that order with Montrose now playing so I have no idea yet how I did with the Cracker or Megadeth. But heck, at only $6 each, it would have to be pretty awful for me to take it back.

UPDATE: About half the songs on the Cracker CD I've heard before and liked. Yes, there's a list of the song titles on the back of the CD, but I couldn't read the tiny print because I'm old and need glasses.

UPDATE TWO: The Megadeth is a mixed bag. A couple of kick ass songs, but some also some stuff that sounded more like Bon Jovi and one song that reminded Rob and I of Brownsville Station (should you need to ask, neither of those comparisons are meant as a compliment.) Rob's currently washing off the distasteful Megadeth with a bit of Psychedelic Furs and while I probably would have grabbed some old Slayer instead, his choice is doing the job just fine.

Well they call me the workin' man, I guess that's what I am
It's been a long time since I had to get up by the alarm and get ready for work, so long that I don't even hear the alarm any more so Rob had to shake me awake this morning. The coffee routine continued after I was unemployed so that was a cinch, but morning shower, finding something to wear... I got up REAL early just in case there was an unexpected hitch. And there was because it was fekking COLD in the house this morning. Not Canadian cold, but cold enough to make me wish I could just go back under the covers because I forgot to turn the heater on in the front room last night, oops. So I bundled up, cranked the heater up in the bathroom and started pounding down coffee while the place warmed up. I considered skipping the shower since I had one last night, but I'm cursed with naturally curly hair. Yes, that's CURSED. Those of you wishing for naturally curly hair, please don't wish for that when you find a genie in a bottle, wish for a more permanent perm instead. You see, when I wake up in the morning, my naturally curly hair is a matted mess of frizz, sticking out in a variety of directions. After I drag a comb through it, it's a somewhat straightened mess of frizz that now sticks out in ALL directions. The only cure for this is to get it wet, slather on some conditioner and let it drip dry. And don't point that hair dryer at me, even with a fancy diffuser attachment, unless you want me to look like the Bride of Frankenstein. This drip dry process can take as long as three hours on a humid day and has resulted more than once in a write up at work for showing up with wet hair. Yes folks, some bosses are THAT persnickety. I'd have done better to call in sick than to walk in with wet hair, it was such a heinous crime. But enough nervous chattering here, it's time to take off (with mostly dry hair) to start me first day on the job....

Eeewww...rats!
I'll be glad when this page goes to archives and I don't have to look at that rat photo anymore. Rob's post was probably inspired by the fact that I noticed last night we had acquired another unwelcome house guest. It seems every time the temperature drops below 40 degrees at night, some rat finds a new spot that we haven't found yet where they can chew a hole in the house and move in.

I'm not the kind of person who jumps on a chair and makes weird noises when I see a rat. I'm more likely to try and throw something at it or reach for the pellet gun, but I never manage to hit my target so, for me, traps are the best way to go. Rats, by the way, do not like cheese. It's mice that like cheese and oh how I wish I was dealing with mice instead since they are much easier to trap. Rats, at least the rats around here, are too smart to fall prey to the snap traps. I had, at one time, a wonderful trap that electrocuted them. Unfortunately it stopped working after.. well, never mind the details, but it was my fault. If you looked at the price on that thing, you'll see why we haven't bought another one. Between the miserable failure of snap traps and my lack of sharpshooting skills, I had to resort to glue traps even though I think these are excessively cruel. However, I don't use them the way most people do. I only set them out when I'm at home and can shoot the rat as soon as it gets stuck (trust me, you'll hear it when a rat gets stuck on one of these.) I still prefer that Rat Zapper though and now that we have the home improvement money I can buy another one to use while we are fixing all the spots that let them get in the house in the first place.

HERE'S MY FRIENDS TEST....
Please take it...please?????
guess me!testing testing 1-2-3

AM I ON A ROLL OR WHAT? WHAT?
We have a rat problem...rats,in the house...getting into our shit and generally making a mess of things.I don't like them,they chewed off Mauricios back legs and chewed out his eyes. It was horrible,I loved him...he was so beautiful...I felt responsible,he was fine in the back yard in his pen,I brought him in for the winter and the fucking rats got him. It was time for some payback.
I have some pellet guns....one is a rifle that has the muzzle velocity of a .22 rifle,one is a Co2 powered pistol that has 1/2 the muzzle velocity of a 22.
Some people put out traps (I did this),some people put out glue traps (I did this as well) some people put out poison(I did'nt do this because I hate the smell of dead things rotting inside my walls and I have dogs).
I changed the bulbs in the lights in that part of the house to red (rats can't see in red)
and loaded up my guns...I was gonna get the rat thet killed my baby.
And I did,he was huge...when I said rats I meant rats...these are wood rats...big fuckers that come up from the field behind our house looking for a hand out.
One of my buds from work who was in the army gave me one of his sniper patches for the number of rats I dispatched with my beeman rifle. I was on a roll
I would sit in the darkness behind the glow of the red bulbs and wait...like Jude Law in enemy at the gates, and when the enemy would show itself...BLAM! This is the bitch that killed my Mauricio...I baited his pen and got his ass!
I racked up at least 10 confirmed kills that winter...Irene got 3 or 4...she was awesome at hunting down and killing rats . The only problem was she would leave "half rats" on the bed or some other place when she was done with them...sometimes she would swallow them whole,especially when I would try to get them from her...ugh....but she was my back up,another reason she's my girl...hates rats,right on!
I hate fucking rats....
I hate fucking rats and they have figured it out apparently...we went from many to one or two on occaision

IS THAT A HORSE'S HEAD IN MY BED,OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?
I was in a foul almost all day today.I just didn't feel right,or happy,or anything remotely positive. A couple of people even asked me if I was alright at work today...this never happens (because I'm usually not shy about sharing the nature of the bug in my ass).
I just couldn't figure this particular bug out.
For all intents and purposes I should be walking around with a shit eating grin on my face and hugging everyone who comes into the shop,employee or not.It was a mood so foul I could feel it in my forehead,my scowl was obstructing my sight.
Was it the rocks no salt? No...I've suffered the aftermath of these many times,that wasn't it.
Was it the chipotle shrimp stuffed avacado I had for dinner? I'm sure the burn was contributing...but that wasn't it either. I knew when I was eating it,I would pay for it the next day,but damn it was tasty!
But then I had a...oh, whats it called?Oh yeah,a moment of clarity.
I don't have anything to be worried about.
I can't remember a day in the last couple of years when I wasn't worrying about something....Losing the house,losing the car,the IRS swooping down to break it off in us, will my son turn into the biggest loser of all time?Where will we find a box to live in big enough to hold us,three dogs and thirty turtles?
Suddenly,there was nothing to worry about,that black cloud that had been following me around forever was now a less threatening grey with some honest to god sunshine peeking through.
I'm so used to being in survival mode I guess I'm in shock.
Once the house reno gets rolling I'm sure I'll get over it...
Creatures of habit indeed......

THE FRIDAY FIVE:


You have just won one million dollars:

1. Who do you call first?

Ann,unless she was with me when I won...then it would be nobody

2. What is the first thing you buy for yourself?

Rocks,no salt...lot's of them :)


3. What is the first thing you buy for someone else?

a) A ranch in New Mexico for Ann
b) A completely restored and tricked out '55 Chevy Belair 2 door for my son

4. Do you give any away? If yes, to whom?

Yes...to a variety of turtle rescue/conservation organizations.

5. Do you invest any? If so, how?

Yes...real estate in south austin.

And the winner is...
I'll be damned. For once I won something - the "no prize" for being the 20,000 visitor at billy's blog. I'd normally drink an extra amount of Shiner Bock tonight to celebrate, but I start my new job tomorrow so I'll have to save that for some other time. I won't usually work on weekends, but the rest of the staff do and I just realized that I forgot to mention in my list of cool things about the job that I will have a four day work week. Yep, while the rest of the working world is dragging themselves to work with a hangover on Mondays, I'll be sleeping in because the place is closed. It's also closed on Tuesday, but that is the office "quiet day" so I'll be there, but no one else will. A job with an ENTIRE "quiet day"? I think I must have died and gone to heaven.

One foot on the road to remodeling hell...
Come Tuesday, the money will be available. This house, after 40 years, shows the expected wear and tear that cheap construction and fixtures are bound to have. We didn't borrow enough to do everything we'd like to do so we are going to have to stay really focused and not wander off track. However much we might want that surround sound system, it's not part of the improvements we need so we can't buy it, no matter what the sale price might be.

Kitchen and bath are the first priority, but this is a small house with only one tiny bathroom so those home improvement shows that have folks living in one part of the house while the rest is under construction is not an accurate depiction of what will happen here. No, come destruction and construction time we will be living in our backyard in a tent, cooking on the grill, showering with the "sun shower" from our camping gear and using one of those portable toilets you see at construction sites or outdoor concerts. Needless to say, we will NOT being doing any of this next month when temps are as likely to be in the 30s as they are in the 70s. And Austin rarely has a spring season, so it's going to be a very tricky timing act. Start too early and we will freeze our asses off. Start too late and we'll be hot as hell. More than likely, if we schedule this for the "spring" then we'll be alternating between both as well as dealing with a lot of rain. Fortunately, Rob and I are old hands at camping and it's not going to be the ordeal for us that it might be for many other people. We have the advantage of a very large covered deck in our backyard which can be used for cooking, eating and hanging out in the evenings. In the event that we get one of those "horizontal" rain storms, we can put up tarps and still stay dry. Or retreat to the tent. Our tent is big enough to provide sleeping space for two adults and three dogs, a clothesrack, a TV, a computer and a small table. It's a BIG tent. As for cooking, in addition to years of extensive camping experience, we have also been without a working stove for a while and trust me, we can cook everything you might want to ever cook on our grill using charcoal or wood. In fact, the grill makes much better home-made pizza than the gas oven ever did.

But enough about the future. Let me tell you what's on the agenda for February which I'm sure is going to be a far bigger ordeal than the remodeling experience. We need to go through all our years of accumulated "stuff" and get rid of well over half of it. We have way too much "stuff". And I'm not talking furniture here. I have six computers, three of which are just gathering dust, an amazing number of broken keyboards, trackballs and mice, tons of software that I'll never use again complete with the original packaging/boxes (why am I hanging onto that first version of Microsoft Word which is a DOS version?) I have an old SCSI scanner that I never use, three old printers (also unused) and that's just the tip of the iceberg. We've got amps, drums, extra PA equipment, and guitars out the whazoo. The guitars aren't going anywhere, but I think we can shed some of this other stuff. Do we really need that commercial cassette dubbing thingie? We don't do cassettes anymore, it's all CDs these days. And then there's the paper trail. Boxes and boxes of bills and receipts and check copies and what-have-you. Yeah, keep it for seven years, but it's high time to go through it all and shred or burn what's older than that. I didn't have the sense to date mark any of the boxes and there's always those few things you need to keep past seven years (like a marriage license) which means sifting through all of it. Ugh. I get the feeling that February isn't near enough time to tackle all of this. I'm tempted to just rent a storage unit and ship all this crap over there and deal with it later... better yet, just leave it all there and add to it year after year until I'm dead and buried! Let the kid deal with it then, heheheheh....

I HAD DINNER WITH PARIS HILTON...WELL,SORT OF.
Ann and I were at maudies celebrating the loan closing when these two twenty-somethings came in. One of them was in full on Paris mode,Fake tits,hip huggers,blouse to advertise fake tits,sex in the city haircut,the whole 9...but her face,specifically her nose.Let me just say that she had the kind of nose that could avoid breathing problems no matter what was hilt deep in her mouth.
I don't know what annoys me about women like this,well,actually,I do,and I could go on and on...the pretentious clothes,the cell phone glued to the ear that is dangerously close to that gorgon like nose,the "I am so better than you" posturing....
A few minutes after she arrived, a couple came in and took the table next to them...the girl being a natural beauty with a cute little nose.
Suddenly I was transported to the animal planet show about lions stalking wildebeasts during migration...This Paris wanna-be was glaring at this other girl with such malevolent affect,I could feel it.
Suddenly the fake tits and shapely hips were no match after the nose factor was calculated into the mix.
It was an amazing thing to observe,even the hair on my knape bristled a little bit.
Gorgon girl and her friend had pulled three tables together upon arrival,a clear sign for us to clear out...we paid our check and left.When we emerged into the parking lot there were several other Paris clones gathering by the door...I swear I could smell PVC.Ugh.....

Some reasons why my new job is cool
Okay, I haven't actually started work yet, but none of this should change after I "get in the trenches"...
In no particular order...

* Small business with great growth potential; I love a place that I can help to grow.
* Owner has a good reputation; I know people who know him.
* Casual dress; I'm a jeans and t-shirts kind of gal.
* Flexible work hours; a real advantage when your house has only one very tiny bathroom.
* Reasonable commute; driving anywhere in this town sucks!
* Challenging work that is meaningful work; I don't like boring or pointless jobs.
* Pay is what I wanted to make; not too little, not too much - yes, there is actually such as thing as "too much".
* IT skills useful, but not the main focus of the job; quite frankly, IT work was starting to bore me.
* Located next to a little boutique bakery; I love fresh baked bread that doesn't come from a factory.
* There will be dogs! I'm going to be the office manager at a behavioral training center for dogs! Woo-hoo!

Celebration Station... if you look closely...
I have a reputation for being quite staid. In fact, my ex-husband lamented constantly about my lack of rambunctious emotional display and figured that meant that I didn't REALLY get excited or angry or upset or about anything. Despite outward appearances, my emotions soar to great heights as well as great lows at times just like most other humans and I had the great fortune the second time around to marry a man who can read me better. Hell, sometimes Rob can read me better than I can read myself and he's a great person for me to go to and say, "I'm feeling weird, and I can't figure it out so what do you think might be going on?" and get an insightful answer. Anyway, as Rob said earlier, "the worm has turned" (what is that from? Oh... Rob says the movie "Platoon") and I'm figuratively, but not literally, dancing on the rooftops right now. I may not be outwardly tapping my heels on the shingles, but Rob knows how I feel and that is a cool thing, a very cool thing indeed. More about the new job later, I'm still on my cloud...

THE DIAGNOSTIC STATISICAL MANUAL AND ALL IT'S VERSIONS THERE OF
Anyone who has worked in the field of psychology and all of it's permutations has heard of,seen,perused on the toilet or otherwise referred to this bible of "managed care approved disorders" to diagnose patients,real or imagined.
They are on, I believe, version IV-R.
When I sought out therapy after my mom died,my diagnoses was (primary) Adjustment disorder,non-specified (my mom died and I was fucked up about it) and rule out PTSD (I worked in an environment full of violence and unpredictability...go figure).
...and the list goes on...Conduct disorder,affect disorder,schizotypal disorders: specified,unspecified,paranoid,delusional,paranoid/delusional, major depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder (for girls AND boys),MPD...it gets oh so confusing!
From my experience,it was all based on what the insurance companies would pay for,and peoples problems were manipulated in the record to reflect the diagnoses d'jour.
If I was writing a DSM manual,it would be simple,cut and dry...broken down into four sections:
1. Mildly fucked up (out patient therapy...)
2. Moderately fucked up (out patient therapy and some meds)
3. Majorly fucked up (in patient,out patient,lots of meds)
4. Fucked beyond belief (in patient,out patient yo-yo,massive meds,chains and a basement, commonly referred to as transitional care or halfway house,prison and/or death)
Don't get me wrong...I have the utmost empathy for the "less fortunate" disturbed people in our society,it's just that they have been snuggled into a cottage industry designed to make money for the people charged with their care,manipulated and enabled to remain sick. Therapy sold to them like fresh water to flood victims...meds shoved down their throats like they are the Freudian equivalent to crackheads.
Mental illness is really simple: you ain't right, you have to get right,and were gonna help you get right...this simple approach used to work,until some assholes figured out they could make money off other people's sorrows, and did.
And when it got so ridiculous people said enough,they came up with managed care,which is the same thing they were doing before,only with more regulation put in place to fool us, and it worked.

THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN'
Wow!Annabelle got the job! We close on our loan tomorrow!! The county retro-ed our homestead exemption to 2002 and we got a refund on our property tax!!!
The worm has definitely turned.
I'm so happy for Ann...she got what she wanted...'bout time, too.
All this bullshit we've endured for the last year or so has come to fruition.
I'm Housin'....

I got the job!
I'm probably too excited to make much sense right now so I'll keep this short. That "low pay" they kept talking about turned out to be the exact amount I wanted to make. I don't just have "a job", I have a job that meets every single item on my job wish list and then some. AWESOME! More later after I come down off my cloud.

WAY BACK IN THE YEAR 2000...
I started messing around with flash animation.I learned pretty quickly,with the software available at the time combined with my massive intake of vodka and grapefruit juice, my efforts were going to be automatically,uhhh,stunted.
I would create these aberrations and submit them to newgrounds,a website that posts peoples flash,and I would get flamed...big time.They didn't get that I was going for STUPID...that was the slant of my humor.
I was catching up with an old friend over lunch today and was sharing my foray into flash,which prompted me to go visit newgrounds...much to my surprise,my contributions are STILL there,and, much to my amusement,people are still flaming me.
Here's an example from nov. '03...I emphasize...2003!

wtf? do you have downsyndrome or something?
i sincerely hope you are as stupid as your "animations" make you seem. why you ask?
because it would make it very easy for you to go out and get yourself killed, thus making everyones lives a lot more pleasant. and what the story line, a shogun drives a school bus into the west wing of the white house, now he's in jail getting fucked up the ass...
i bet you envy him you cum guzzling peice of shit
go fuck yourself with a rusty blade
This is the little gem he's referring to: 1375 views....
A shogun named Billy
Apparently,John-420 doesn't share my sense of humor :)

Now,you know I have turtles...but did you know I am also a pioneer in bestiality films?
It appears that I am...here's a comment from 12-2003...over 3 years later...

Was this your first submission. I see no inspiration. Just you trying to make a turtle porno. What are you doing??? Trying to introduce a new genre of porno????? DUDE YOU SUCK!!!!!

This is the flash he's referring to: 1810 views....

Turtle Love

I was encouraged by these comments and continued to produce flash...I was inspired by the 60's show leave it to beaver and wondered what it would be like if the cleavers were substance abusers....Like I said...MASSIVE amounts of vodka.

Some comments:

blam this piece of shit January 17, 2004
Reviewed by: jaguarstrike Overall Score: 0
VOTE ZERO UNTIL ITS BLAMMED! HOW THE FUCK DID THIS SURVIVE THE PORTAL????
Graphics: 0 Sound: 0 Interactivity: 0 Style: 0 Violence: 0 Humor: 0

Apparently jaguarstrike has never been bowling :)

Here's the clip: 46,656 views...hmmm...?
Drug Culture Beaver

I continued on this theme:

fuck you November 26, 2003
Reviewed by: james_420 Overall rating: 0
why the fuck would you make a second one you stupid cunt?!?! and... why would you try and drag zepplin down with you?THESE ARE FUCKING STUPID!! you need to be shot and pissed on asswipe
James just doesn't get it does he?
This clip had 1499 views:

Culture pt.2

And finally: At 34,197 views:

You Suck January 25, 2004
Reviewed by: Pyrobot666 Overall rating: 0
I mean thats all I have to say to you, Dumbass

P>S> Eat Shit and Die


The clip:
Trippin' Beaver

Now...what could possibly be my point?
All of these were done in Oct. 2000. You'll note that this last comment is from THREE DAYS AGO!I am humbled that my feeble contributions have lasted this long and provided an outlet for the wankers at newgrounds,to which I say: thanks ASSHATS!!!!

JOHN LYDON MUST DIE
Just kidding...I read Billy's post about our punk icons selling out. McClaren was always a peckerwood to me...but Johnny Rotten?Never the sell out.
If you were hardcore about the punk thing,he was a sellout from the get go. After the pistols anyway...The Pistols blew up in Austin around '77...The first single I bought was Pretty vacant b/w No Fun,The cover had a pair of buses going to boredom and nowhere...stops that haunt me to this day.
PIL's record "Generic" was a constant on my turntable..."rise" being a favorite.But he "sold out".I was a big Clash fan, but they too,"sold out"...Black Flag,Social Distortion and more bands than I can remember "sold out"...Henry Rollins is the biggest sellout of all...but I still love him.
The bands I listened to that didn't "sell out"...The Jam(who broke up before the sell out but weller resurfaced before the scab was dry and did just that),Subhumans,FOPI,CRASS,Amebix,faded away from memory because they didn't "sell out".There are more than I can reference...but the point is this...
I believe if you have a message that catches on...no,wait...If you strike a chord with the masses initially and get a major contract...no, wait...If you don't jump on it (read:sell out) You are destined to the discount/cut-out bin and stories of what could of been and a body of work,that if your'e lucky will bob up every 10 years or so,like dennis leary's "asshole"...an overlooked novelty,whether you were serious or not.
And given the opportunity to sell out,you will...and they did...except for Amebix...yet.
Punk rock is a distant memory,obscured by the blink182-offspring-good charlotte abortions that it spawned,remembered by people like me....40 something's with a chip on their shoulders who dust off the vinyl and rue the day they "sold out"...................

IF IT'S BROKE, WHY BOTHER FIXING IT?
It amazes me how we survive as a species without our various infrastructures imploding on us at any given moment,rendering us neanderthal (that's tall with a silent "h" by the way) grunting away in our dismay that the bison is once again...raw.
We are constantly inundated with messages trumpeting our "great technology" and the reality of it is,when it works,it's nothing short of a miracle from god.
Take my recent foray into high finance,for example.Everytime I turn around,there's been another "mistake" made,which amounts to:they don't know what the fuck it is they are supposed to be doing.
I had to research and provide the "requested documents"...because they couldn't seem to get it right. My success at this was greeted with a kind of backhanded resentment that can only be compared to solving the equation in math class the instructor couldn't solve,and for the effort,said instructor hits you in the head with a chalk laden eraser. Ouch.
Nothing works like it's supposed to in this country...look around yourself and it becomes painfully clear...Insurance cards don't run properly,when you try to activate a bank card (after the bank cancelled your old one a day before they called to tell you it was) you get a "processing error" and are directed to the issuing bank,then the system hangs up on you with a "thank you" that is more along the lines of "fuck you...bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!".They spout 24/7 service and you get snubbed by a fucking recording and have to suck on it until the issuing bank opens at 10am the next day,completely ignoring your immediate need for a rocks with no salt.And when you do call the next morning you're thrown into an automated labyrinth that leaves you,at best homicidal and at worst curled up in a fetal position crying like a bitch.
God bless america!
When they finally do straighten it out,they act like they've done you a favor...this is gall beyond fucking GALL...they want YOU to be thankful for a problem THEY fucking caused.
Not right,I tell you,it's not right.
So,meanwhile,back at the cave, you try to describe your day and it disintegrates into so many grunts and clicks with a smattering of spastic facial ticks and hand gestures...and you know you have arrived...
That is until you turn on the news...
And the gravity of it all drives you to a rooftop with a pile of rocks and some sharp pointy sticks.
Nagwaa too-mock indeed.

Whoa... *evil*???

You're a hydra. You have many different outlooks on
life, and know how to utilize each one to make
the best of any situation. Others may mistake
this for hypocrisy or even insanity, but you
know yourself better than that. Indecision is
your greatest flaw. Your alignment tends
slightly towards *evil*.


What mythical beast are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

HOW ABOUT THAT SHIT?

You're a gryphon. You're very powerful without
needing to brag about it. Creativity is one of
your strong suits. Your outward personality may
change drastically according to your mood,
which is not always a good thing. You're a
loyal guardian when you choose to be and you're
aligned towards *good*.


What mythical beast are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wow...a gryphon...who'd a thunk it?

Sunday Brunch Meme

WILD AND CRAZY STUFF

1. When you were a teenager, did you sneak out of the house?
Nope, didn't have to. My curfew after age 15 was the crack of dawn.

2. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?
Hell yeah. I was a teenager in Austin in the 70s. Hippy Hollow, Campbell's Hole. 'Nuff said.

3. Have you ever dyed your hair a wild and crazy color?
Nope, but I would if Lime Green would look decent on me (which it wouldn't.)

4. Did you ever get so drunk you couldn't remember much of the night?
Yep, but I aways made it home before the sun came up.

5. Tell us about something wild and crazy you did as a teenager you probably should have gotten in trouble for but never got caught.
I've thought about this for half a day now and I can't come up with anything. It's not that I didn't do anything wild and crazy, but I can't think of anything I *should* have gotten in trouble for. Teenagers need to have their fun. Rob has a much better story - see the post below this one.

A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE...
It's funny how stuff you haven't thought about in years pops into your head after a trigger.And todays trigger is COPS on the USA network.Specifically the morons who try to run. They never get away,they end up slammed to the ground by really pissed off cops who apply liberal doses of knee and elbow. Serves them right.
That part reminds me of the old days on the crisis intervention team,when I was playing the cop role, when someone runs from you in your charge,two things go through your mind:why are they running? and I have to stop them. I have chased many, none got away,and I have administered the knee and elbow treatment liberally.
But what I remembered watching the skels run on cops today was running from the law,and getting away.
Me and some buddies were hanging out at the Armadillo world Headquarters as we frequently did.AWHQ was at the corner of Barton Springs and So.1st Street. Directly across the street was an apartment complex called the willows at the time,one block south of that was Timber Creek,where my best friend lived.These apartments were separated by a creek that had a trail along it leading to the back of Timber Creek,near my buddies apartment. I had walked that trail many times.
Anyway...we were leaving the dillo and headed home on foot when it started to rain,the guys I was with lived on down the road,I was going to my buddies apartment at Timber Creek. We stopped under the first floor of the willows to wait out the rain,talking and smoking on the sidewalk between 2 apartments, the conversation was about the nights events...foosball,the band playing,beer drinking and the drugs scored.I had a marlboro box FULL of white crosses...about a hundred.
Apparently,someone in one of those 2 apartments wasn't impressed with us and called the police.
The rain stopped,we walked out to the street and were saying our goodnights when 2 police cars pulled up,one headed north,one headed south...They jumped out of their cars and cried "hold it"! Which to 15 year olds holding drugs means run for your life...and I did...down that aforementioned trail,in the dark,as fast as I could,with a uniform in hot pursuit. I was way ahead until I hit the branch...about 3 inches in diameter and growing across the trail ankle high. One minute I'm running like the wind,the next I'm airborn...flying like superman,and all the while this cop is breathily yelling "halt police"!Yeah right,I'm gonna hold it with 100 hits of speed in my top left pocket.
I hit the ground hard,and in what can only be described as a Jackie Chan moment (culture jump here,but you get the drift) bounced up,on my feet,and continued running.
I cleared the trail and tossed the pack with the speed in it under the first car in the lot and ran the rest of the lot to my buddies apartment.
I pounded on his window,and he raised his blinds to see me,terrified,eyes as big as softballs,screaming let me in over and over and over.
He let me in,and we hid in the dark for what seemed an eternity.His mom worked the night shift and wasn't there thank god.She would of turned us both over.
We peeked out the window and saw cruisers cruising the parking lot for about 45 minutes...when they left,we smoked a bowl and crashed.
The next morning I retrieved my cig pack of speed and hitch hiked home,never giving it a second thought...it became the buzz story at school on monday.
The gravity of the situation never occurred to me until much later in life...
When I'm watching COPS,and someone runs...I say to the television...Ha motherfucker,I got AWAY...HAHAHA.
And I did get away,from all of that,eventually.
And as much as I understand the wrongness of it now,it still makes for good stories and great memories.

Movie Meme Comparison
Here's why movies are not on the top ten list of conversational topics when Rob and I go out to dinner. The bold ones are the movies we've seen.

ROB 1. The Godfather (1972) 2. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) 3. The Godfather: Part II (1974) 4. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) 5. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) 6. Casablanca (1942) 7. Schindler's List (1993) 8. Shichinin no samurai (1954) (The Seven Samurai) 9. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) 10. Citizen Kane (1941) 11. Star Wars (1977) 12. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) 13. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) 14. Rear Window (1954) 15. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980) 16. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) 17. Memento (2000) 18. The Usual Suspects (1995) 19. Pulp Fiction (1994) 20. North by Northwest (1959) 21. Le Fabuleux destin d'Amelie Poulain (2001) (Amelie) 22. Psycho (1960) 23. 12 Angry Men (1957) 24. Lawrence of Arabia (1962) 25. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) 26. Il Buono, il brutto, il cattivo (1966) (The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly) 27. It's a Wonderful Life (1946) 28. Goodfellas (1990) 29. American Beauty (1999) 30. Vertigo (1958) 31. Sunset Blvd. (1950) 32. The Pianist (2002) 33. The Matrix (1999) 34. Apocalypse Now (1979) 35. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) 36. Some Like It Hot (1959) 37. Taxi Driver (1976) 38. Paths of Glory (1957) 39. The Third Man (1949) 40. C'era una volta il West (1968) (Once Upon a Time in the West) 41. Fight Club (1999) 42. Das Boot (1981) 43. Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001) (Spirited Away) 44. Double Indemnity (1944) 45. L.A. Confidential (1997) 46. Chinatown (1974) 47. Singin' in the Rain (1952) 48. Requiem for a Dream (2000) 49. The Maltese Falcon (1941) 50. M (1931) 51. All About Eve (1950) 52. The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) 53. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) 54. Se7en (1995) 55. Saving Private Ryan (1998) 56. Cidade de Deus (2002) (City of God) 57. Raging Bull (1980) 58. The Wizard of Oz (1939) 59. Rashômon (1950) 60. The Sting (1973) 61. American History X (1998) 62. Alien (1979) 63. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939) 64. Leon (The Professional) (1994) 65. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) 66. La Vita bella (1997) (Life Is Beautiful) 67. Touch of Evil (1958) 68. The Manchurian Candidate (1962) 69. Wo hu cang long (2000) (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon) 70. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) 71. The Great Escape (1963) 72. A Clockwork Orange (1971) 73. Reservoir Dogs (1992) 74. Annie Hall (1977) 75. Amadeus (1984) 76. Jaws (1975) 77. Ran (1985) 78. On the Waterfront (1954) 79. Modern Times (1936) 80. High Noon (1952) 81. Braveheart (1995) 82. The Apartment (1960) 83. The Sixth Sense (1999) 84. Fargo (1996) 85. Aliens (1986) 86. The Shining (1980) 87. Blade Runner (1982) 88. Strangers on a Train (1951) 89. Duck Soup (1933) 90. Metropolis (1927) 91. Finding Nemo (2003) 92. Donnie Darko (2001) 93. Toy Story 2 (1999) 94. The Princess Bride (1987) 95. The General (1927) 96. City Lights (1931) 97. Lola rennt (1998) (Run Lola Run) 98. Full Metal Jacket (1987) 99. Notorious (1946) 100. Det Sjunde inseglet (1957) (The Seventh Seal)

ANN 1. The Godfather (1972) 2. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) 3. The Godfather: Part II (1974) 4. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) 5. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) 6. Casablanca (1942) 7. Schindler's List (1993) 8. Shichinin no samurai (1954) (The Seven Samurai) 9. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) 10. Citizen Kane (1941) 11. Star Wars (1977) 12. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) 13. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) 14. Rear Window (1954) 15. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980) 16. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) 17. Memento (2000) 18. The Usual Suspects (1995) 19. Pulp Fiction (1994) 20. North by Northwest (1959) 21. Le Fabuleux destin d'Amelie Poulain (2001) (Amelie) 22. Psycho (1960) 23. 12 Angry Men (1957) 24. Lawrence of Arabia (1962) 25. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) 26. Il Buono, il brutto, il cattivo (1966) (The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly) 27. It's a Wonderful Life (1946) 28. Goodfellas (1990) 29. American Beauty (1999) 30. Vertigo (1958) 31. Sunset Blvd. (1950) 32. The Pianist (2002) 33. The Matrix (1999) 34. Apocalypse Now (1979) 35. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) 36. Some Like It Hot (1959) 37. Taxi Driver (1976) 38. Paths of Glory (1957) 39. The Third Man (1949) 40. C'era una volta il West (1968) (Once Upon a Time in the West) 41. Fight Club (1999) 42. Das Boot (1981) 43. Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001) (Spirited Away) 44. Double Indemnity (1944) 45. L.A. Confidential (1997) 46. Chinatown (1974) 47. Singin' in the Rain (1952) 48. Requiem for a Dream (2000) 49. The Maltese Falcon (1941) 50. M (1931) 51. All About Eve (1950) 52. The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) 53. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) 54. Se7en (1995) 55. Saving Private Ryan (1998) 56. Cidade de Deus (2002) (City of God) 57. Raging Bull (1980) 58. The Wizard of Oz (1939) 59. Rashômon (1950) 60. The Sting (1973) 61. American History X (1998) 62. Alien (1979) 63. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939) 64. Leon (The Professional) (1994) 65. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) 66. La Vita bella (1997) (Life Is Beautiful) 67. Touch of Evil (1958) 68. The Manchurian Candidate (1962) 69. Wo hu cang long (2000) (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon) 70. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) 71. The Great Escape (1963) 72. A Clockwork Orange (1971) 73. Reservoir Dogs (1992) 74. Annie Hall (1977) 75. Amadeus (1984) 76. Jaws (1975) 77. Ran (1985) 78. On the Waterfront (1954) 79. Modern Times (1936) 80. High Noon (1952) 81. Braveheart (1995) 82. The Apartment (1960) 83. The Sixth Sense (1999) 84. Fargo (1996) 85. Aliens (1986) 86. The Shining (1980) 87. Blade Runner (1982) 88. Strangers on a Train (1951) 89. Duck Soup (1933) 90. Metropolis (1927) 91. Finding Nemo (2003) 92. Donnie Darko (2001) 93. Toy Story 2 (1999) 94. The Princess Bride (1987) 95. The General (1927) 96. City Lights (1931) 97. Lola rennt (1998) (Run Lola Run) 98. Full Metal Jacket (1987) 99. Notorious (1946) 100. Det Sjunde inseglet (1957) (The Seventh Seal)

If I counted right, then the score is Rob: 68, Ann: 32

A week of blogs
Special K has a new (to her) computer so if you haven't stopped by lately due to the infrequent internet cafe posting, go there and get back in the groove of a laugh a day.

Essay had someone try to break into her house the other day and reminded me that I'm probably too much of a Texan to ever follow through on my occasional desire to move to Canada. Between the cold weather, no guns in the house and not being able to buy beer at the corner convenience store, I think I might end up with a severe case of culture shock.

Billy comments a bit on the subject of mathmatics and apparently multiplication in England is taught much the same way my own third grade teacher tried to shove it down my throat which is to just memorize the tables. That made absolutely no sense to me and I spent many agonizing evenings with my parents and "flash cards" trying to memorize the result of 3x3 and such until one day I figured out how it worked and that 3x3 was just short hand for 3+3+3. Now would it really have been so hard for the teacher to EXPLAIN that? Jeez.

Blue Witch has headed off on her travels, but has a plan for remote blogging. Let's hope it works.

Speaking of math, Jim has a word problem for you and the comments are a hoot.

Dooce has posted the last of the belly pictures. I recognized the first one and realized I've been reading her blog through her entire pregnancy. I'd like to make some profound statement about how blogs let you follow events in someone's life over time and how cool that is, but I haven't had near enough coffee.

Broad at Bat had a great idea - YOU write the post she lost when her battery died. I didn't attempt it since there's no way I could write anything as well as she does.

Niki had some breaking news and if this post doesn't have you rolling on the floor, you might want to check for a pulse. And take a moment to answer the mini-poll if you stop by.

Bob turned me on to the website mixmaster. Rob and I had some good chuckles over it.

Skot is always a good source of amusement, but this post about the car had me snorting coffee out my nose.

Subversity has a post about Howard Dean which is one of those posts where I think, "Yeah, what he said".

And there's plenty more, but I'm out of coffee and need to rustle up a restaurant coupon in the hopes that Rob and I can afford to do our traditional Sunday brunch.

A TYPICAL DAY
5:45am: alarm goes off,hit snooze bar and calculate 15 minutes fast until the last minute,get up and shower (shave if I have time)
6:30-6:45: Try to get out of the house with everything and begin commute to work.Usually have to go back in the house to retrieve something.
6:45-7:15: Dodge cars,curse at red lights,stop at the 7-11 for coffee, arrive at work.
7:15-8:00: Clock in,log on,check messages,discuss breakfast tacos with co-workers,usually order tacos,eat,catch up with current events,phone starts ringing at 8:00 and doesn't stop.
8:01am-4:ishpm: Answer phones,take customer orders,diagnose problems over the phone,recieve material,recieve PO's,generate sales orders,PO's, coordinate deliveries to and from the shop,answer stupid questions,go to lunch between 12 and 2,time allowing,or wait for dinner.
4ishpm-5:30pm: fight traffic home,call wife on cell and have the same discussion we've had for almost 10 years about dinner,no decision made.
5:30: greet dogs (3) listen to non stop barking (what they did today I suppose) for about 5 minutes,greet wife,go out to dinner.
8:00: return from dinner, greet dogs (see 5:30),get on internet,feed dogs/turtles. Let dogs out,let dogs in,replenish water at least twice.Blog,watch some TV,visit with wife.Let dogs out,let dogs in,investigate what they're barking at.
10-11:00: The daily show and tough crowd (usually).
11:00:Bedtime,fight dogs for space on the bed.Finally settle in to a comfy configuration...sleep.

What's your day like?

LOST ONE TODAY...
Out of the thirty turtles who live with us, eight of them are babies, 2 to three years old.One of these babies grew normally for awhile and then stopped around the size of a quarter. The diet was exactly the same for all eight of them,same environment,etc.It just stopped growing, despite a voracious appetite. I suspect it had metabolic bone disease. I say "it" because it's difficult to sex turtles when they are so young,one tip off is the tail length,and judging on that, "it" was a he,called (unimaginatively) runt.
Runt was cool, kind of like wee man from jackass...always in there with his bigger brothers and sisters,holding his own. Our little turtle that could. Last summer he suffered an ant bite to his eye,which caused that alkaline swelling common to ant bites,in this case the swelling was almost as big as his head.I brought him inside and did what I could to help him out...he survived,sans eyelid and probably sight in that eye, yet he soldiered on.
As I've written,they are inside for the winter.Today was soak/feed day for them, and I found Runt dead.
I wasn't surprised...I knew this day would come. But as I watched his brothers and sisters soak and drink and clamor about,I wondered if they missed him like I did.

Apparently JF was right
Once upon a time, Rob was involved in a conversation with "the guys" about their wives. I don't remember the context of the conversation since I wasn't there and only know about it because Rob told me about this particular comment: at some point in the conversation, JF turns to Rob and says, "That's because you married a man." My initial reaction was to feel insulted, but Rob explained that it was a compliment and knowing JF, it probably was. Well, The Gender Test has proven JF to be correct. According to the test I am definitely a man. I did correct them and got a good laugh from this text: People like you, who walk the scary line between man and woman, are *very* helpful in understanding exactly what it means to be human. Scary line, eh?

The fact that I appear to think more like a man than a woman probably explains my life-long difficulty in finding female friends. There's much about the "average woman" that I've encountered which I don't understand. Conversations within a group of these woman usually involve shopping, make-up, fashion, babies or children, movie stars, gossip magazines, or health problems. None of which are on my list of the top 1000 topics of discussion. The guys, on the other hand, are likely to be discussing cars, computers, politics, guns, tattoos, rock/punk/heavy metal bands or sports. Sports is missing from my topic list, but the others all rank pretty high up there. Which group do you think I'm going to go hang out with? However, it's not just conversational topics that get me, but what seems to me to be very weird thinking. Like, giving your husband "the silent treatment". What's up with that? How does that accomplish anything? Or that "no sex until he (insert conditional statement here)" Huh? You want to deny yourself a good roll in the hay because he forgot to take out the trash? I don't get it. Why not just take out the trash yourself if it's such a big deal? And why are you talking about this stuff anyway... for once, can't this group of women discuss the possibility of life on Mars instead of "Men are from Mars/Woman are from Venus?" or whatever the hell that book is called.

That said, blog reading has opened my eyes to the fact that there are plenty of women in this world that don't match the "average woman" standard that I've inadvertently compiled over the years. In fact, there are so many out there that I'm completely mystified as to why I have not met more women like this in person. Maybe the woman I've met are actually just like the blogging women, but don't show that side of themselves in social settings. I don't know. Anyone else got a clue to this mystery?

Neither a TV child, nor adult be
I've come to realize over my lifespan so far that my life-long habit of not watching TV is a detriment to my social life. We had a TV when I was a wee child. It was a green and white thing (we didn't get a true grey and white until I was much older.) My brothers watched the Lone Ranger and other stuff, but for the most part I ignored that box, favoring books and the erector set or self-made fantasy worlds in the back yard. I didn't watch the TV reports of the Kennedy assassination or the Whitman shootings and though I knew about such things from the newspaper, I don't have vivid memories of the televised events like many of my peers. I saw some of the news reports on the Vietnam war during dinner time, enough to place me firmly in the anti-war camp at the time and that's probably the biggest influence TV has ever had on me. Over the years my parents watched TV at dinner and in the evenings so I have a vague familiarity with Ed Sullivan, Red Skelton, The Honeymooners, Dragnet, Mannix, The Carol Burnett Show, All in the Family, Baretta, Columbo, and more. However, I rarely actually watched these shows, so my memories are just tid-bits that I happened to catch while eating dinner or passing through the room. TV just didn't hold my attention then nor does it do a very good job of grabbing it now. And so, in many social settings when the topic turns to TV present or past, I'm at a complete loss. Captain Kangaroo passed away today and my memory of that show is nothing more than the theme song, his face and a brief bit with Mr. Green Jeans. I probably only saw that show a few times and that's true of most TV programs. As a result, there's always this gap when it comes to connecting with my peers, most of whom were raised on TV and continue to be avid consumers. I simply can't connect on that subject with Rob or others because it's just not a part of my experience. At parties or gatherings, I'm often left without a damn thing to say because the conversation has strayed to TV topics and I'm the only one standing there who is competely clueless. Now I could, thanks to cable TV, catch up on all this stuff I've missed over the years, but quite frankly, I don't care to do that. I'd rather spend an hour at a party with nothing to say than to spend hours watching reruns of The Brady Bunch. Improved social interaction just isn't worth it.

THE MAN WHO BROUGHT US "PUFFIN' BILLY" IS DEAD...
I thought Captain Kangaroo took a dirt nap a long time ago...I watched that show every morning until I started kindergarten (hitler for indoctrination),and then only saw it when I was sick...I remember watching the captain while laying on my mom's big braided rug,oval in shape,that made for a race track for my matchbox cars...a living room reality when the brain is cooking at about a 101.My mom would bring me sweet hot tea and slices of toast to settle my stomach.
Tom terrific and his dog,the mighty manfred....Mr. Moose and Rabbit,and Mr. green jeans...who knew that was Frank Zappa/Frank Zappa's dad???That played for great folklore when I was a hair farming pot head in the 70's.
I learned to make cool things out of shoe boxes,construction paper and glue and brads...I can't believe I'm remembering these things.
But mostly I remember the sense of belonging,of well being...of being part of something so...so kangaroo...
Thank you Captain, and fare thee well.

The whiskey (aka Jack Daniels), lemon, honey cough syrup recipe
Okay, for all you Google folks searching for this that keep landing here...

Mom's mix: one tablespoon whiskey, one tablespoon honey, one tablespoon lemon juice.
Mom's dosage amounts: for kids, one tablespoon of mix; adults drink the whole thing.

Ann's "I need to sleep" recipe: one ounce whiskey, 1/2 ounce lemon juice, one tablespoon honey. Optional: zap it in the microwave. Adults only, drink it all. Repeat every hour or so until you finally conk out. Within reason here; if you've got a really bad cough and this doesn't help after a few hours then you probably need to go see a doctor.

The job hunt
I suppose the big news from me is that I've had a few job interviews this last week; several phone interviews and one in-person today. All for the same job as they are being very picky about who they hire and I won't know until next week what the final outcome will be. I completely understand why they are being picky so none of this bothers me. Sometimes when you hear "we need the right person" it's nothing but smoke up your ass, but in this case, it's justified. So am I the right person for the job? Honestly, I'm not in a position to judge. I've got the skills they need, in fact, far more skills than they need, but this is a job where personality is more of a key factor than skills and only my interviewers can make that call. I'd really like to get this job. I don't care that it's low pay and no benefits because that has never meant much to me. I'd rather make minimum wage at a job I believed in than earn a fabulous salary at some heartless corporation (I've done both.) For me, work is all about doing meaningful work, not about how fat a paycheck I can earn. This is a place that does meaningful work; it has heart and soul and there are good people there, but as much as I'd like to have the job, it won't benefit the company or me if I'm not the "right person" so I'm cool with whatever they decide. What will be, will be....

THE FRIDAY FIVE:

1.With all the craziness lately,I'd have to say my current fave is Korn's "Reclaim my space"...and only because of the excellently inflected "What the f*ck"?!? over and over and over......

2.The curried chicken at Twin Dragon,or maybe twice cooked pork(which smells like a diaper,but tastes like heaven!)

3.Tough Crowd....really good season so far.

4.Indica,man,Indica...I haven't smoked in quite awhile,but happened to be in the vicinity when some was this week...there's nothing quite like the smell of kind.......:)

5."you don't get tattoos,you earn them"....unknown.After watching my son grit his teeth and make faces like there was some sort of unsavory prison activity going on,This little gem rings true.

Have a great weekend

THE BEAT DOWN
I spent an inordinate amount of time on the phone with various banks, title companies and county agencies trying to figure out where this lien of '77 came from.See:Travels with murphy My last conversation with my loan closer ended like this: Her:"I asked the title company to check again to make sure there wasn't another...pause...there wasn't a mistake made on the first check". "You have to try to be patient".Patient!?Come on! We're headed into day 42 of this god damn nightmare...I have done 90% of the leg work for your (let's all laugh together) "Title Company" and you have the balls to tell me to be patient!???
I wanted to say that,but when your dealing with someone who is going to loan you money,you bite your tongue...almost off today.
She also informed me that if we didn't close by the end of the month,I would have to reapply...all I could muster at that point was..."you've got to be kidding me"...
Depending on who I talked to, I was told the time it would take to resolve this issue was anywhere from a week to a month or more.
I contacted the mortgage company I had paid off and inquired about the release of lien and was told it had been filed and recorded on nov.3,2003.
Now...I asked myself,If the release was filed and recorded by my mortgage company how could the lien from the original mortgage still be on record? It can't is the simple answer.
I called the county office of records and inquired,and sure enough,they had my release of lien on file...not only that, I could get a copy of it...for a dollar. A GOD DAMN DOLLAR!
So, I drove to the records office,and in less than 5 minutes,I had the document in my hands.They also had a bank of computers that were available for public use...AT NO COST! In another 5 minutes,I learned that my property was free of ANY liens...FOR FREE!So,let's recap:
Bank: 41 days and counting...still haven't gotten it right.
Me: 5 min. phone call, 10 minute drive,10 minutes at the records office, 10 minute drive back to the shop...35 minutes to verify a clear title,AND I had the document in my possession.
Not bad for a parts manager whose never worked in a bank,eh?
I faxed the document to my loan closer along with a subtly snarky note and took off my gloves and spit out my mouth guard.
We'll see what happens tomorrow.
"Look OG, I've discovered the wheel"....